Don't Stand So Close To Me
by farkle
Summary: Edward Cullen, grad student in Biology, has a wild night with a hot stranger and becomes obsessed. Bella Swan, his student, has a crush and a secret... Things and people are not always what they seem.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 **

**Let's Dance**

**EPOV**

Emmett opened the front door of the house at the same moment that I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. Rubbing my scalp, I moaned, "I need a break!"

Emmett laughed. He clapped me on the shoulder, almost pounding me into the edge of my desk. "Let me clean up, Edward, and we'll head out. I think I have just the thing for you!"

"Not a strip club, please!" Please, anything but a strip club. Skanky girls in thongs didn't really sound fun, just painful. Emmett just snorted.

"Not strippers, Edward, a new dance club. Come on, you'll love it."

I considered for a moment. Anything had to be better than grading papers from the Bio 101 lab I teach, or crunching data from my own research. Today had been particularly intense, and between computer issues, data issues, and territorial issues with my office mate, I felt the need to let off some steam. I hadn't seen anything besides campus and the inside of our cottage for at least two weeks, and if there was a grad school equivalent to cabin fever, I had it.

It's not that grad school was hard for me, just encompassing. Aside from my piano and running, I had no hobbies, no outside activities. No girlfriend. I didn't have the time and more so didn't have the interest. Not that I had ever had a serious girlfriend. I hooked up from time to time, but none of the girls I met really appealed to me beyond a short-term relationship. I never had to try hard to get laid; for some reason women found me irresistible, and I had always had my pick. I saw, I came, I went. Lately, however, I didn't feel like I had time or energy for women.

Maybe a distraction was exactly what I needed. I hadn't so much as been on a date in nearly three months. I scrubbed my face with my hands and sighed.

"Fine, but I need a shower. Should I shave?"

XXXXX

_Lestat's Daughter _had a Goth theme with black walls and blood red furnishings, but with a music selection that spanned from rock and even some punk to ska and emo-goth, it attracted a strange crew. Besides the usual college crowd, there was everything from rockers with long-sleeved tattoos mingling with Goth girls. The stick-thin bartender had blonde-white dreads to her waist and a black leather corset. Wearing a black knit shirt and black jeans, I felt almost invisible, average.

We were on our second round of whiskeys, admiring the girls, when Emmett leaped up and wove through the crowd. He returned a moment later with two girls. He had his burly arm tight around the waist of the stunning blonde, but the girl behind her took my breath away. She was smaller than her friend, slender, with a mane of strawberry blonde curls. She was wearing black leather boots that came up over her knees, fishnet tights, and a red sleeveless dress that clung to her curves in a way that made my mouth water. Her burgundy painted lips curled into a wry smile as she looked at me. She looked delicious, like sex on legs.

Emmett waved an introduction, "Edward, this is Rosalie, and her friend here is Tanya. Rose, Tanya, this is my brother, Edward. Rose, do you want to dance?"

Rosalie nodded, and she and Emmett made their way to the dance floor. Despite his size, Emmett is a great dancer. Mom made both of us take dance classes as kids, and between that and sports, we have the confidence to dance; a rare skill for straight white guys. That may be part of our popularity with women.

I was left with Tanya. Despite her light red hair her eyes were soft and brown. Her heavy eye makeup made her eyes look dark, nearly bruised. She looked after Emmett and Rose for a moment, then turned back to me. Her expression seemed expectant. I drained my whiskey and stood up. "Tanya? May I?" I held out my hand as if we were going to waltz.

"I suppose, if you're Emmett's brother, you can't be too dangerous, huh?" Her words were wary, but her eyes were dancing.

"Safe as kittens," I vowed.

She smiled a bold and nearly feral smile, and took my hand. I felt some kind of spark pass from her hand into mine. I wrapped my long fingers around her small ones, delighting in their feel.

"I trust you, Edward." The way she said my name sounded divine, like she was caressing it with her mouth.

I led her to the dance floor and pulled her in close to dance. With the low heels on her boots, Tanya barely came to my shoulder. She put her hands on my shoulders and moved along with the music that throbbed through the club. I danced, guiding her without grinding into her. She swung her hips to the heavy bass line.

_It's you that I adore,_

_I will always be your whore._

Her eyes were nearly closed and she was smiling. The smell of her was intoxicating, clean and warm. It reminded me of summer. I didn't notice anyone else on the dance floor; I just looked down into her face. Once she slipped and nearly went down but my arm around her waist kept her upright. The song morphed into another.

_You took a white orchid, _

_You took a white orchid, _

_And turned it blue._

_Get behind me…_

By the fourth song, a faint sheen of sweat had appeared on her neck and chest. I leaned in and said in her ear, "Is it time for a break? Can I get you something to drink?"

Tanya nodded and we left the dance floor.

"Cosmo," she said as I left her at the booth. I returned a little later with her vodka drink and my whiskey. On the way back I saw Emmett and Rosalie still dancing. They were dancing slowly, despite the fast music, heads together.

I gave Tanya her drink and slid into the booth next to her. She thanked me and took a sip. She had regained her breath, but her skin was still flushed. I had to mentally poke myself to stop staring and make conversation. "I love your boots, Tanya." I smiled at her, and then looked down at her slim legs.

"Thanks, they go well with the Vampire theme." Tanya's dainty white hand stroked the top of her boot, shifting the hem of her dress upward. I was looking at her hand. Her skin was so white, like bone, and so smooth. She moved her hand from her leg to push at her hair, and the movement sent a wave of air towards me. She had a warm, clean smell, like summer. "You know, Lestat, Anne Rice…"

"_The Interview with the Vampire_. Yes, our waitress looks very _Night of the Living Dead_ … in a good way, of course." We grinned at each other. If she had a flaw, I couldn't see it. I took a swig of my drink and then just held the glass, to keep my hands from reaching out and touching that silky pale skin.

"Of course! It's that whole sex and death thing. _Erotisme._" She sighed. I recognized the reference, it was a book I had come across as an undergraduate, and found strangely earthy among all the dry, bloodless philosophy readings.

"Bataille?" I said, and felt my eyebrows inching up. Beautiful, sexy, and smart? It's not fair.

"Exactly. You've read Bataille?" Her eyebrows shot up just like mine.

"Why the surprise? I read deconstructionist theory in college." It's not as if I never get out of the lab.

She leaned forward, her hand on the table only inches from my own. "But …Bataille?" Tanya's heavy-lidded eyes watched my hands fidget with the glass. "He's not all that popular."

"It fit with my own research: sexuality, attraction …"

"Your job is sexuality?" she laughed; it sounded like bells. "What kind of work do you do?" Her hand reached out to stroke the back of my neck, lightly touching my hair. It made a shiver go through me. Her fingers felt like they were igniting my skin.

"I research why people get aroused, why one person is more arousing than another..." I'm getting aroused, just being close to her. Her fingers were soft.

"Really? What does the research suggest?" Her tone was light, but when I looked up into her face, her lips were parted. I wasn't the only one getting aroused.

"Well, scent, of course. But it's not just that one person smells good, but smells best to the mate who most closely balances their genetic makeup." Her other hand touched the stem of her glass, stroking it up and down. I touched the tips of her fingers with my own, gently. She moved her hand from the glass to my hand, putting each delicate fingertip to each of mine.

"So someone might smell better to one person than another?" Her voice was getting breathy. Graduate school has gotten me accustomed to talking about my area of expertise; I responded almost automatically.

"Not only that, but a man who smells repulsive to one woman may smell wonderful to a different woman." I wrapped my fingers around hers, and lifted her hand to my face. I breathed in the smell of her skin.

"What about the way women smell to men?" I looked up into her wicked smile.

"Well research suggests that men are much less selective, but that arousal has to do with a woman's fertility as well as her …other attributes." I turned her hand over and gently put my mouth to her wrist. I could feel the warm pulse through my lips. Her fingers tightened in my hair and she gasped.

"So, Edward…how do I smell to you?" Obligingly I leaned in close to her, my nose just under her jaw, and inhaled her scent. Like summer and sunshine, warm and clean. I wanted to eat that smell. My groin tightened, and I felt my dick stirring. I told her the absolute truth.

"You smell better than anyone I've ever met, Tanya."

XXXXXX

Much later, more dancing, more talking, and far more drinking later, Emmett pulled me aside and told me he was going back to Rosalie's place, and asked would I drive Tanya home. I said of course.

Tanya seemed quite happy to get in my silver Volvo. As I helped her into the car her hand brushed against my crotch, and when my cock twitched, she smirked. I took a deep breath before getting in and starting the engine.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Do you know _La Bella Italia_, near campus?"

"The restaurant?" Of course I know it, I live only few blocks away. I'd eaten there a few times.

"I live there."

"You live in a restaurant?"

"No, my apartment is upstairs."

Tanya took my right hand from where it was resting loosely on my leg and placed it on her leg, under her dress. I was surprised at her forwardness, but I didn't mind. I had never been so immediately turned on by a woman.

With her hand on mine, I slid my hand higher under her skirt. The fishnet tights were only thigh highs, and above them I felt the skin of her thighs. I moved further up and stroked her through her panties. I could feel how hot and damp she was right through the thin cotton. I tugged at her panties, hard. Tanya lifted her hips and slid them off, kicking the black bit of fabric under the car seat.

I slid my hand back and forth, pushing inside her, using my palm to cup her. Tanya's hips moved up to meet my hand, and she moaned with each movement of my fingers. Good thing the Volvo's an automatic. I drove as slowly as I could, trying to draw out the moment, but too soon we're pulling up in front of the already closed restaurant. It was very late.

I turned off the car and looked at her. "We're here, Tanya." I drew my hand out from under Tanya's dress and she blinked, coming back to Earth. She looked at me, her lips still parted.

"Edward," she said, and then paused, biting her lip. I had a feeling I knew what she was asking, but I didn't want to pressure her.

"Tanya?"

She looks up shyly. "Would you like to … come up?"

"Yes, I would." I reached over and tipped her face up to meet me. I brushed my lips across hers, then kissed her. Her lips were soft and warm and moved gently under mine. She tasted so sweet, I wanted to devour her. So strange, that the girl who just put my hand up her dress would kiss so softly. I ran my mouth down her neck, and then her hands are in my hair, my hands are on her waist, and all thoughts vanished in the feel of her skin.

XXXXX

We stumbled into her apartment, our lips locked together. Despite having had an uncountable amount of whiskey, I was ready for her. As soon as the door of her apartment closed behind us I pinned her to it, my hands on each side of her head, my body pressed full-length against hers. "Tanya." I breathed into her neck. She smelled divine, like sunshine and sex. I kissed my way down her neck and across her collarbone, pushing the strap of her dress off her shoulder as I went, kissing the mole at the base of her throat as I came back to do the same to the other side.

Enough playing. I pressed back into her again, kissing her mouth like I would eat her, and she matched me, sucking my lip and groaning as my hips moved against her.

"Wait," she said. I drew back and looked down into her face, watching her flushed chest heave.

"Why?"

"Come," she said huskily and pushed me backwards into a dim room, lit only by the restaurant sign outside the window, shining weakly through the gauzy curtains. When my legs hit the edge of the bed I fell backwards onto it, but Tanya didn't come with me. She stood over me and smiled, then slowly stripped off the red dress. I propped myself up on my elbows to admire her. She wasn't wearing a bra. Her breasts were high and perky enough where she didn't need one. All she had on were her tall boots and thigh highs. She brushed her red hair over her shoulder and got onto the bed, straddling me. With her dainty hands, she undid my jeans, and stripped me, then came up to pull off my black knit shirt. She smiled down at me.

God, she was gorgeous, her delicate face with slightly too full lips, high cheekbones, her slender body, and creamy ivory skin. Her nipples were tight and dark pink, like fresh berries, and her hips were thrust forward. Her pubic hair was chestnut brown, much darker than her hair, just a dark triangle disappearing into the sweetness I already knew was there, had already explored.

I pulled her down to my face, and Tanya moaned and ground against my mouth. Impatient little bitch! She tasted as good as I knew she would, better. I grabbed her hips and devoured her with my mouth, fucked her with my tongue, until she screamed wordlessly and clenched her hands in my hair. After the waves had subsided I pushed her over and rose up, catching hold of her hips from behind.

"You're delicious, Tanya. I want you." I pushed between her legs, not yet entering, just stroking back and forth. My hands ran up her belly up to her breasts and I pinched her nipples hard. She leaned away from me, reaching into a bedside drawer and pulling out a rubber. Tearing open the wrapper, she reached under her legs and rolled it on me. Then she leaned back against me.

"Then what are you waiting for, Edward?" Her low voice was like silk. I pushed her down and thrust into her. She was so tight, I sighed. _Like coming home, sweetheart. _I was gentle for the first few strokes, finding her depth, then my hands slid from her ribs to her hips and I pulled her onto me with long hard thrusts. She dropped down on her hands, and pushed back against me hard. I could feel her reaching her climax, her muscles clutching and pulling at me as I continued to ride her. When she peaked, her body jerking up and against me, I came as well, collapsing over her back. She quivered under me, both of us breathing hard. I stroked her hair away from her shoulders. Her hair was oddly textured, stiff -- too much hairspray? I pushed it out of the way and kissed her shoulder blades.

I reluctantly pulled out and removed the condom. I got up in search of a wastebasket. I may not be a gentleman but I am a bit of a neat freak, and throwing a used condom under the bed just isn't in my nature. I found the trash in the tiny but tidy kitchen. I went back to the bed, realizing this was a studio, there was no bedroom.

Tanya was sprawled out on her belly when I returned, propped up on her elbows. She was still wearing the boots and stockings. She watched me walk naked to her bed. I wasn't self-conscious; I had been naked in front of enough women. I sat down and stroked her back, and patted her ass. She rolled onto her back, away from me, and I lay down next to her, up on my elbow, stroking her flat, creamy belly.

"So beautiful."

She smiled. "So are you." She touched my lips with a forefinger, then stroked my jaw. I shivered.

"I don't want to leave yet."

"Then don't." She leaned into me for a kiss. Not a nice afterglow kind of a kiss, but a hot and angry kiss, pushing her tongue into my mouth. Although I had just come moments earlier, I felt myself rousing back to attention. I pulled her roughly to me and we started again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Discovery**

**EPOV**

Tanya laid back while I peeled off her fuck-me boots and stockings. She watched me with half-lowered eyelids and a strange smile on her lips. Without the boots she seemed almost fragile, breakable. I stroked her legs and rubbed her feet. The faint light from the street illuminated her, making her ivory skin as white as marble. Her body was completely relaxed, sprawled across her bed.

"God, Tanya, you're beautiful." I drank in the sight of her, from her delicate ankles to her full lips. Something about her mouth was familiar, but I couldn't place it.

"Thank you, Edward." She sat up and put her hands on my chest, shoving me backward onto the bed. "But I think _you're_ the beautiful one here." She kissed my face, under my jaw, and then rained kisses down my body, pinching my nipples hard as she went. I moaned. "Since the minute I laid eyes on you, I wanted you."

She reached my eager member and wrapped her delicate hand around the base of my shaft. Her lips enclosed the head, moving around it, grazing it with her looked up at me from under her mane of strawberry hair.

"Edward, you smell delicious," she grinned. Her tongue flicked out, teasing, once, twice. She lowered her mouth over me again, moving her hand and mouth in a steady rhythm. I put my hands in her hair, and was momentarily confused. Instead of a scalp like I expected, I felt the roughness of fabric and hard hair pins.

"Tanya? What…?" I didn't know what I was trying to ask. She lifted her head, her hand continuing to work up and down.

"It's a wig." She said flatly.

"Take it off," I said.

"No." Putting her mouth back down, she licked me languorously. I sucked in a breath and decided I didn't care if she was fucking _bald_, as long as she kept doing this to me. It was strange, but at the moment it just didn't matter. Her pace picked up, she moaned against me, and my hips were snapping up to meet her mouth. She moved up and down in a steady rhythm and I felt my balls tighten up. The sight of her lush mouth got me even more turned-on than I thought possible. I couldn't hold back any longer.

"I'm cumming, Tanya." I moaned, warning her, but she just moved over me, tight. With a series of hard jerks I came, and she sucked it all down. She waited until my spasms died out, then released me and kissed her way back up my body. She leaned over me and licked her lips.

"You taste as good as you smell, Edward." I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her spine.

"So do you, Tanya." She smiled widely now, and with her lipstick smeared nearly off I was again struck by the sense of familiarity.

"Are you a student at the University?" I blurted out. She froze.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, you seem familiar, you live near campus, and you quote Bataille. I just thought you must be a student. Perhaps I have seen you on campus or …"

"Yes, I am a student. What do you mean, 'I seem familiar'?" Tanya's voice was sharper. She had her head cocked to the side, and her eyes were in shadow.

"I don't know … your lips?" I touched her mouth, and stroked her cheek. "Your eyes?"

"Is that a line, Edward? 'Don't I know you from somewhere?' Aren't you supposed to ask me that_ before_ you get in my bed?"

I laughed. It was pretty cheesy, when she said it like that. Lying under her I found my eyes wandering around the dim apartment, looking to distract her from my gaffe. There was a large bookshelf in one corner, groaning with books, and an old computer on a small desk, with a pile of books beside it.

I noticed a large painting on the wall, and turned to study it more completely. It was a tall narrow canvas, with a pale, nude, hugely pregnant red-haired woman. Behind and around her were dark-robed, skull-masked figures. Tanya followed my gaze.

"It's my copy of a Klimt. I painted it for an art appreciation course."

"It's good." I had seen the original, of course, in Vienna, and this, while amateurish in the painting techniques, captured the glowing skin of the woman's naked body. Tanya shrugged. _Hope_.

"I'll never be a painter, but it was fun, and I like it. The Klimt is one of my favorite paintings."

Sex and death again. "What is your fascination with sex and death?" Tanya looked off and her eyes unfocused. She frowned and shrugged, then looked back to me.

"Perhaps it's just that quest for perfect union. Perhaps I am just looking for a surrogate. Maybe … I'm a Black Widow killer and you are in deathly danger of my fucking you to death." She laughed at the last, and I laughed, too. She didn't seem dangerous, unless it really was from excessive sex.

"So you lure men to their deaths at your beautiful hand?" I could think of worse ways to die than under this beautiful woman. She buried her hot face in my neck and chuckled. I knew she was deflecting my question, but I decided it was easier to let humor cover it.

"You don't seem like the serial sex killer type. Just serial sexy." Her head jerked back, and, strangely, anger blazed in her eyes.

"You know, Edward, I don't usually drag strange men home with me."

"Are you saying I'm strange?" She barely knew me. It usually took much longer for people to think I was strange. And was she trying to say that she wasn't the sex goddess she seemed to be? She didn't respond, just glared. I wanted to return to a lighter tone.

"So, Tanya, if it wasn't my stellar pick-up lines, and you're not just looking for a fresh victim, what _did_ I say to convince you to bring me home?"

"Hmmm, I think it was when you kissed my wrist…"

"Really? I didn't think kissing a woman's wrist would have such a sudden and strong effect. I may have to research that." I took her hand off my shoulder and kissed her wrist, then licked and bit it gently. Her pulse raced, and I could feel the throbbing with my tongue. She sighed.

"Maybe it's just me, Edward, but … that's really …" she panted and her body arched. Her breasts were pressing into my chest, and her hips were moving against my groin. I couldn't believe that I had another erection, but her wriggling was very arousing. I gripped her wrist hard in my hand and rolled her onto her back, pinning her to the bed. I grabbed her other hand and breathed over the inside of that wrist and she moaned.

I paused to look down at her. I couldn't believe that this woman was turning me on this way. I had never felt this level of lust. Even after I should have sated my desire for her, I just wanted her more. Not since I was a teenager had I had so many erections in such a short time. I knew nothing about this delicate woman, and yet I wanted to stay there, in her bed, between her legs, forever.

Those thoughts flashed through my head and then I put both her wrists in one hand and pulled her arms up over her head. Her ivory body was stretched out below me.

"I want you again, Tanya. Do you…?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Keep your hands there," I told her. I reached into the same bedside drawer where she had taken the previous condom and found a whole box. I pulled one out, quickly rolled it on, and turned back to Tanya. I pulled her hips closer, and hooked her legs over my arms. I leaned into her and kissed her neck while guiding myself into her. She shook a little and moaned as I went deep into her, and her eyes tightened. I held still, my hands holding my weight off of her, my body pressing her knees up to her chest.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She just nodded. I pulled back and thrust into her. She made a noise that was part gasp and part strangled squeak, but her hands were pulling me closer, so I pulled back and thrust forward again, relishing the sensation of being buried so deeply inside her. I moaned in pleasure.

"Tanya …do you … want this?"

"Yes!" she hissed, and dug her nails into my shoulders. I took this as encouragement, and thrust harder, slamming her again and again. I pumped into her hard, nearly pushing her into the headboard, until she came, shaking and bucking like an earthquake. I came with her, groaning loudly. I regretfully pulled out and removed the rubber.

This time, when I returned from the kitchen, Tanya looked pensive. I stretched out beside her, but she frowned a little.

"I have to work in the morning, Edward." I looked at the glowing alarm clock. It was already 4AM. "I'm sorry, but you can't stay."

I sighed, accepting, but surprised at my own reluctance. I never brought women back to the house I shared with Emmett, because I didn't want to have to ask them to leave. I didn't like sharing my bed. The one time I felt I could have gladly slept beside a woman, and she was booting my ass to the curb.

I began rummaging on the floor for my clothes, pulling my boxers and jeans on. "That's okay, Tanya, I understand." I found my socks and shoes.

"Can I see you again?" This was very strange, usually the girls were asking me this, not the other way around. Tanya hadn't asked for my number, hadn't asked if she would see me again. I finally got my shirt over my head, and looked down at her. She was frowning a little, looking off into space. "Tanya?"

"Um, yes, Edward, you can see me again." I dug my cell phone out of my pocket and keyed in the number she dictated to me. Then I gave her a kiss, told her thank you, and left.

XXXXXX

Saturday morning I woke up back home, in my own bed, the nearly midday sun shining in my face. I smiled, thinking about last night, and rubbed my face. I could smell her on my hands. What a lovely smell. I rolled over and saw my trophy on my nightstand, her black lacy panties. I had found them under my Volvo's passenger seat on the drive home. I figured if Tanya was reluctant to see me again I could use the panties as incentive.

In the shower, I thought about Tanya and stroked myself. In my mind's eye I conjured up the way her slender body looked and felt, about her biting her lip. Even though I should have been more than drained, I felt more filled with lust for her than I had for anyone before, as if she were a drug and I an addict. Last night it had felt like the more she gave the more I wanted. How much would be enough?

I began to focus my imaginings on her beautiful lips, talking, kissing, and sucking. Ah. What a mouth. I didn't want to wait a whole week to see her again, but I didn't want to seem too eager, either. Usually I had the opposite problem, the girls coming after me, even when I wasn't interested. Truthfully I was afraid that if they really knew me, they wouldn't stick around anyway, so it was just easier to keep women at arm's length. And yet, I felt like Tanya saw right through me … she looked at me like she knew me. She touched me like she knew what I would like… and like it I had. With a last shuddering stroke, I came. I finished my shower and got dressed.

On my way to the kitchen, I glanced into Emmett's room, but his room was empty, the bed still made. It was nearly noon, I was surprised to see. I had a lot to do this weekend, since I had blown-off the grading and data work I needed to complete before Monday. I would have to skip my morning run if I wanted to get over to campus and get my work done by dinnertime.

I quickly ate a bowl of cereal and headed out with my messenger bag with papers and laptop. It was a short distance to the University and I chose to walk to clear my head a little, instead of driving. Still thinking about Tanya's round little ass, I detoured over to the coffee house a block from campus. I eat healthy but my biggest vice is coffee. Strong coffee.

The cool spring air was waking me up. I loved living in Seattle, the opalescent air and the mild temperatures, the unusual mix of people. Emmett and I had grown up in Chicago, but our parents had moved out to Seattle with us when we were teenagers, and now I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. Where else could I see bald eagles over the sound, while sipping a cappuccino? Sure, it rained more often than the sun shone, but even that was light and sporadic. Mostly it was just heavy mist.

Still musing on the topics of Tanya and the magic of Seattle I walked into the coffee house and ordered a large Columbian with a shot of Espresso and a plain bagel. The little brunette girl behind the counter said, "Hi, Mr. Cullen." The sound of my name brought me back to Earth. I blinked at her and realized she was a student in my Bio lab. Swan.

Although I was only 24, I tried to be formal with my students. I insisted they call me Mr. Cullen and I called them by their last names. I had done that ever since my first semester of teaching when one of my female students had tried to seduce me in my shared office. Sleeping with the students is a definite no-no but sometimes it still happens. I didn't want it happening to me. I liked my situation and getting ahead at the University meant keeping hands, and other parts, off your students. I worked at not looking too closely, not thinking about them _that way_.

"Hello, Miss. Swan. I didn't know you worked here."

She bit her lip and looked down while she prepared my coffee. "Um, yes, I just started a couple of weeks ago. Are you headed over to campus?"

I gave her a half smile. "Yes, too many distractions at home, and I still have labs to grade."

She slid my coffee across the counter to me, "Well, I suppose I'll see you Monday. In lab."

She smiled shyly and looked up through her lashes at me. She was pretty enough, in a very wholesome, crunchy-granola way. She looked like a hippie art girl, her long brown hair hanging straight down her back, no makeup, a loose thermal shirt under her apron. I wasn't sure if she was just shy or if she was flirting with me.

I had noticed her in class, though she was quiet and didn't require much assistance. She had pretty, chocolate brown eyes. Miss. Swan's lips were full, very lovely, and I found myself staring at her mouth. It reminded me of Tanya's mouth, the way she smiled, the way she wrapped her lips around me, but I stopped that train of thought in its tracks. Tearing my eyes away from her lips I reminded myself not to think of a student's mouth, or any other parts. Danger lay that way.

"Yes, I'll see you Monday, Miss Swan," I said, taking my coffee and dashing out.

I stood outside for a moment, trying to organize my thoughts and calm my breathing. In that moment, looking at her mouth, I had realized why Tanya had seemed so familiar. I had seen her before, every week, in my class. I had seen those warm brown eyes watch me, those lips smile at me. I was an idiot, a cock-blinded idiot. A strawberry blonde wig, makeup, and a pair of leather boots and I had fallen at her feet, not noticing the resemblance to my own student.

Tanya, my sex goddess, was Miss. Swan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Paradigm Shift**

**EPOV**

_Tanya, my sex goddess, was my student, Miss Swan._

As soon as I was out the door I stopped and stood on the curb, gulping the cool, damp air. For one insane moment I tried to convince myself that I was wrong, but I took one look back through the glass of the coffee house and caught Miss Swan's eye. She blushed and quickly looked away, but in that look I saw what I had feared. I wasn't wrong.

I began walking to my office but my feet felt weightless, like they weren't attached to the rest of me. When I got to my office, it was with no memory of how I had gotten there, of the journey to reach it. I plugged in my laptop and booted it up.

First I pulled up my class roster and scrolled through until I reached Swan, Isabella. Not Tanya, Isabella. I vaguely recalled her lab partner, Mr. Newton, calling her Bella. Quickly, almost furtively, I began to pull up all the information I could access.

Bella Swan was a Comparative Lit. major, not very surprising given our conversation. I already knew her address, and the phone number matched the one she had given me. _Amazing, it wasn't a fake number_. Her birth date put her at 22, only two years younger than me, set to graduate in the fall. Her campus information listed her hometown as Forks, a small town out west that I remembered having driven through on the way to a camping trip with Emmett last summer. It was very small and very rainy. Otherwise, the information I could get was incomplete. I would have to wait until Monday to access more information through the undergraduate office.

I tried Google next but nothing of much interest came up. She wasn't listed on MySpace or Facebook.

She was an excellent student in my class, had always gotten A's on the lab work, but it wasn't that challenging a class. I couldn't access her transcripts or schedule unless I could sweet-talk them out of the undergraduate secretary. That shouldn't be too difficult; Ms. Cope was a sucker for a pretty face, among other things. I'd caught her checking out my butt more than once.

When I had dredged up all the information I could on a Saturday afternoon I turned to thoughts of why. Why had she done this? Why me? If she was trying to get me fired or worse, she certainly didn't need to go to such lengths, just the encounter in the car was enough to get me fired, expelled, and probably barred from ever teaching again. Or perhaps she was one of those students who just got her jollies from screwing the teachers. I wondered idly if Banner had been on her list yet.

I hardly dared wonder if it was because of me. _Why the charade?_ A little part of my mind reminded me, _because you wouldn't have laid a finger on her if you had known._

But that wasn't entirely true now, was it? Because at the moment, the thing I wanted most was to call her and get her to meet me. Meet me and become naked and wrapped around my cock.

How very charming I had become.

Still wondering about her motives, I turned to the mundane tasks still ahead of me – grading and data crunching. There was a meeting for the research team the next Friday, and I needed my data to be compiled so we could focus on our next step. Dr. Banner was heading up the team and he was a stickler for time frames. He wouldn't want to lose his precious fellowship, grants, and graduate students.

Although it took twice as long as it should have, I managed to get the paperwork done. My mind kept sliding back to Tanya, _Miss Swan,_ and the way she looked just a few hours ago, under me, crying my name. My memories were becoming corrupted, though. Her hair seemed to be longer, darker, straighter, falling back from her heart-shaped face.

When I finally finished I was surprised to see it was already 6. I called Emmett.

"Hey, Em, I'm on my way home. Are you wanting something to eat?" Maybe we could order out.

"Oh, well, no, Edward. I'm on my way to pick up Rosalie. We're headed out to dinner."

"Really? The girl from last night?"

"Um, yeah. She's really great," he sighed. "Did you get Tanya home okay last night?"

"Yes." I couldn't talk for a moment but I knew I didn't want to talk to Emmett about Tanya just now. It was actually a relief that he would be out this evening. "So where are you taking Rosalie?"

"Oh, we're going to Ray's Boathouse. Do you remember it?"

"Yes, the Black Cod was great. Hey, you have a good time, I'll see you later." I sounded falsely jovial even to myself. If Emmett noticed, he didn't mention it.

"Yeah, I'll see you in the morning. Don't forget we're having brunch with Mom and Dad tomorrow, 10:30."

"That's right. I'll see you then."

I closed my phone. Emmett was obviously in deep with Rosalie at the moment. I couldn't talk to him about Miss Swan, she was Rosalie's friend. I didn't want this coming back in an ugly way.

I leaned back in my chair and pinched the bridge of my nose, thinking. In addition to being my brother, Emmett was my best friend. Was there anyone else I could confide in? I couldn't talk to Esme or Carlisle about my love life, especially not this, it was far too embarrassing. They thought I was such a good guy, how could I admit to going home with a complete stranger? Well she wasn't really a complete stranger _but that's the problem_. I certainly couldn't talk to anyone in my department, I couldn't risk my secret being revealed. I didn't have many close friends outside the University, outside my field.

I put everything together for Monday's class, keeping my hands busy. It was nearly 8 before I looked around my office and realized I no longer had any excuses for leaving. My stomach growled.

I walked slowly across campus, past the massive library and back towards home. As I walked I thought of her, and my footsteps seemed to catch the rhythm. _Bella, Bella, Bel-la. _At the last minute I detoured past the coffee house, looking through the glass. Of course, Bella wasn't there. It was surely long past her shift.

I walked another block further out of my way to pass her apartment. _La Bella Italia_ was full with couples, being a Saturday night: couples touching and smiling at each other. I stood across the street and tried to figure out which windows were Miss Swan's. I decided the ones farthest to the left, farthest from the restaurant's entrance, looked the most likely. I could see the glow of light through the white curtains.

Standing in the damp night, I had a moment of insanity. I imagined going to her apartment, knocking on the door. Bella would answer the door …_then what, stupid?_ I berated myself. I shouldn't have fucked her once, was I considering compounding the idiocy by doing it again? Or admitting that I knew what I had done? At least this way I could pretend I was unaware.

I went home, hungry in every way.

XXXXX

"Edward, is everything alright?" My mother's green eyes were worried. I had been allowing Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett talk, barely paying attention to the conversation. Emmett and Dad were talking about an old family friend when Mom disturbed my reverie.

"Everything is fine, Mom, why do you ask?" I tried my best to smile, to work my face into something relaxed and happy.

"I don't know, you just seem to be miles away…" Not so far, I thought, only about a mile … in Bella's apartment … with Bella. I snapped my attention back to Esme.

"I'm just thinking about my classes, Mom." It wasn't entirely a lie. I was trying to figure out how I would be able to teach in class on Monday, when I had Bella in front of me for an hour. I wanted to talk to her but had no idea what I wanted to say.

I could tell from the set of her mouth that Esme didn't believe me, but she wouldn't pry. At least not yet. She changed the topic.

"Your birthday is coming up next month. Your dad and I wanted to have a little party at our place. Saturday the 4th. Does that work with your school schedule?"

"Yeah, I think so. It will be just a small party, right?" Sometimes my birthday fell right around the time of the spring conferences, but this year it would be at the end of spring break and I knew the biology department had nothing going on. I took a drink of my coffee.

"Sure, it can be just the four of us, if you like. Will you be bringing a girlfriend?" I choked on the coffee I had just gulped. Esme sounded almost hopeful. I knew that she worried I would always be alone. I had never dated any girl long enough for Esme to meet them.

"No, Mom, I –"

Emmett cut me off. "What about Tanya?" He waggled his eyebrows and grinned at me. Carlisle and Esme were all attention now. Thanks, brother. Well, the best defense is a good offense.

"What about Rosalie?" I shot back. It didn't work as I expected. Instead of clamming up, Emmett's smile just got broader and his eyes got all distant.

"Ah, the angelic Rosalie," he sighed. This was very interesting. Emmett wasn't exactly the romantic type. His reaction surprised Carlisle and Esme as much as it did me. Then he looked at Mom and blushed. "Maybe I will bring Rosalie."

His eyes dropped to the table.

All thoughts of Bella dropped right out of my mind in that instant. Emmett blushed. Over a woman. This was unprecedented. I hadn't seen Emmett get all red over a girl since middle school. I was too shocked to think of anything to say. For a few heartbeats, no one spoke, then Esme laughed with delight.

"How wonderful!" she gushed. "How long have you been seeing this girl?"

Emmett didn't look up from the table; he just twisted his napkin, but he still had the big goofy smile on his face. "I met her last summer. I just ran into her again two weeks ago and we've been going out."

"What's she like?" Carlisle asked.

"She's smart, she's tough, and she's drop-dead gorgeous." I turned back to my inner tangle and tuned out the rest of the conversation, but I noticed Mom gave me several more worried looks before brunch ended.

XXXXXX

Emmett headed off after brunch for his usual Sunday afternoon pick-up football game with his friends. Usually I would have gone too but I begged off and had Esme and Carlisle drop me by home on their way back to Olympia. As soon as I was in the door I pulled out my cell phone and called the number "Tanya" had given me. She picked up on the fourth ring, her breath hushed. I could hear voices in the background.

"Edward?" she said.

"Tanya." I paused. I knew what I _needed_ to say but I couldn't say it over the phone. I wanted to look her in the eye when I asked her … "Can you meet me tonight?"

There was an even longer silence. It was only the continuing sounds from the background that let me know the call wasn't dropped. It sounded like she was at the coffee house. Working?

"Where?" she breathed.

"_La Bella Italia_," I said. "I'll wait for you in the bar. Nine."

"I'll be there," she said softly and hung up.

I closed my phone and rubbed my face. Now to be there and have some clue what I was going to say to the most desirable, dangerous, most fucking unbelievable woman I had ever met.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Crushing**

**Bella POV**

The first day of Bio 101 lab I walked in the room and nearly dropped my books. _Holy crow, Jessica wasn't kidding! _

Edward Cullen, _Mr. Cullen to his students, _was gorgeous. He was tall and slim, but broad-shouldered, with floppy dark auburn hair that looked like he had just rolled out of bed. Alice and Rosalie would have called it sex hair. I wanted to run my fingers through it. His face was perfect: chiseled cheekbones, strong brows, and the lushest lips I had ever seen on a man. Even the bit of scruff on his angular jaw just added to his good looks. I had never before seen a man that made me want to drop to my knees and worship him, but here he was, in the flesh, my teacher.

When he looked up at me with those green eyes, I think I creamed my panties. He had a low, velvety voice and when he spoke to me about a lab project he looked into my eyes like he was looking into my soul, as if everyone else in the room had disappeared. I soon realized he looked at everyone that way. It wasn't personal, just the way he was. Still, every time he turned that intense look on me and called me _Miss Swan_, in his slow, low voice, I died a little bit. I finally understood Bataille then, how sex and death really are intertwined.

Despite the intensity of his gaze, Mr. Cullen was very formal, almost cold in class. When Jessica and I had worked together in the library, she had told me about sleeping with Edward. Well, I don't think sleeping was involved. She coyly claimed that he wasn't so formal once you got him naked. Whenever she talked about him and his magic dick and the week she had spent getting to know it better, her eyes got a misty, lusty look. She didn't say it in so many words, but I think she was wishing there had been more than just a few nights in November. He had told her he was busy nearing finals and then just stopped taking her calls before the end of the semester. It was a sad way to blow off a girl. I couldn't entirely blame him, though. Jessica was a catty, conniving twit and I avoided her whenever I could. I was glad when I got the coffee house job, if only to get away from Jessica.

I knew it was expressly forbidden to sleep with your teachers, _and before I saw Mr. Cullen I thought the idea was icky_, but I couldn't help fantasizing about him. I knew darned well what could happen if I got involved with him, that he would get expelled at the least and maybe slapped with a lawsuit, and I would probably get expelled, too. The University frowned on student-instructor relationships, even if the instructor was a grad student instead of a professor, but a girl can dream, right?

I had developed a fantasy about Mr. Cullen. I imagined us alone in the lab and Mr. Cullen pressing me backwards into the edge of a desk. I pictured his lips on my neck, his long lean body against mine. He would whisper in my ear "I want you, Miss Swan. Do you want this?" as he put his hand up my skirt, his long fingers stroking me.

I took Bio 101 to satisfy my science elective, thinking it would be easy. It was actually a little too easy – Biology for Dummies, so to speak. My high school Biology class had been more challenging than this. It was a good thing I had no trouble with the coursework: I might have failed the lab the way I couldn't keep my eyes off the instructor. I would be practically panting before class even started.

After a month in Mr. Cullen's class, my fantasy had gotten pretty well developed and between the easy material and my lab partner's slowness I had plenty of time to fantasize. I waited for Mike to figure out what he was doing with the microscope while I watched Mr. Cullen out of the corner of my eye as he helped a student across the room.

Mr. Cullen had the sleeves of his white oxford button-down rolled up to his elbows, exposing his lean yet muscular forearms. His hands, with long graceful fingers, were manipulating the knobs on a microscope. I wished he'd manipulate my knobs like that.

"Sorry, did you say something, Bella?" Mike asked. Oh cripes, did I actually say that out loud?

"Um, nothing, just … thinking about lunch," I muttered. I turned my eyes down to my open notebook and the lab assignment but all I saw were Mr. Cullen's large hands. I imagined those hands on my legs, caressing my thighs, sliding up, pulling down my panties, his fingers moving…

"Miss Swan? Do you have a question about the lab?" Mr. Cullen's voice was in my ear, and he was so close I could feel his warm breath against my neck. I jerked sharply, my knee catching the edge of the desk, the back of my head connecting with his shoulder. I nearly fell off my stool trying to turn around and knocked my notebook to the floor. My face and neck felt hot, so I knew I was blushing. At least he didn't know what I was thinking.

I looked up at him standing a little too close to me and I felt like all the oxygen was sucked out of the room. He was smiling down at me, amused at my lack of balance. I was frozen like a deer in headlights, about to be run down by his vivid green eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said gently. "Do you need any help?"

"Um, no, I'm fine, I'm – I mean – Mike needs help." I waved a hand at my lab partner. Mike shot me a mortified look, then accepted Mr. Cullen checking the settings on the microscope while I bent to get my fallen notebook. I could watch safely while Mr. Cullen was at the table. A couple of times he rubbed his collarbone where my head had snapped into him but otherwise he didn't mention my clumsiness. I silently watched his hands as he switched out slides, his fingers deftly handling the small glass pieces. He finished with our table and moved on. I sighed and got my turn with the microscope.

I made it to the end of class without damaging anything else and got my work turned in despite Mike's cluelessness. Mike seemed very friendly, asking if he could get lunch with me, though I put it down to gratitude for helping him identify the stages of mitosis. I was glad I had plans to meet up with Rosalie and Alice for lunch and silently promised myself I would make sure we had lunch plans every Monday. I brushed off Mike's offer with a polite smile and dashed off to meet up with my girls.

As we were sitting down with our food Alice said, "So Bella, are there any hot guys in your classes?"

"Well, not really… but my Biology lab instructor is gorgeous," I sighed and poked at my fries with half-hearted interest.

Alice laughed, but Rosalie eyed me beadily, and then said, "Bella, can't you just find a guy who is real and within reason? The first guy you get interested in since Jake, and he's totally unattainable."

"Oh, Rosalie, at least it's some progress," Alice laughed. "When was the last time Bella called any guy hot? If she's noticing Dr. Hottie-Biology-Teacher maybe she's ready to start noticing other men."

I toyed with my apple and waited. When I glanced up, my friends were waiting with expectation written across their faces. I had a feeling this was something they had been talking about. For the past year, ever since The Incident, as I called it, and my resulting breakup with Jake, I hadn't been on more than a few dates and none had gotten past the first date stage. I hadn't really been interested. There was no spark.

I sighed heavily. "I don't know, guys, I'm not trying to be difficult. I just … I don't know."

"We need to get you out and about, Bella," Alice trilled. "Get over that dog! It's time to get you out of your shell." She looked thoughtful.

Rosalie laughed. "I'm going to _Lestat's Daughter_ this Friday, why don't we all go? Bella can dress up and then hook up."

"Oh, right, like anyone is going to hook up with this." I waved at my clothes: green Henley and long skirt with battered hiking boots. Not sexy by any standard I was aware of.

"You're gorgeous, Bella, perfect raw material. I think it's time to have a makeover, right Alice?"

"Of course! Oh, wait … I can't go, I'm working that night, and I'll have a huge amount of clean-up after the show," Alice said, crestfallen. She worked part-time doing makeup and costuming for a couple of the local rep theaters. Her current job was a production of Twelfth Night with the Shakespeare Company. She was really into that sort of thing and probably would be doing it full-time when she graduated in June. Her sadness disappeared and she perked up as she continued, "But, I can help with shopping and I can get you ready after the play! Perfect!"

"I'm sure you can find a guy who will be happy to be … attainable … for at least one evening," Rose said slyly.

I cringed inwardly but tried to put a brave face on for my friends. They were trying to be supportive, and they had been patient through all the fall semester and the fallout from The Incident. I felt like I owed them for all the Saturday nights at their apartment with me and ice cream instead of dates.

"Okay, but no heels, you know I can't handle heels!"

XXXXX

Friday night Rosalie and I got over to the theater after the evening show. There were a few actors milling about, smoking cigs, in various states of undress, but it was mostly empty. Alice dragged me into the back and sat me down in the makeup room. Rose leaned against the long counter, watching. She was already done up for the evening, her blonde hair long and wavy. She was wearing a sheer black dress that moved about her gracefully and seemed to expose her with every step she took. Honestly, Rose would look hot in a burlap bag. I don't know how Alice thought she could make me look halfway decent when I would be standing next to Rosalie.

Alice started by brushing out my long brown hair and winding it up under a mesh cap.

"What are you doing with my hair?" I asked. This wasn't in the plan.

"You'll see! Trust me, Bella," Alice cooed. I closed my eyes and began to think about Mr. Cullen. About those green eyes. About his breath on my neck… I let myself get lost in the fantasy and forgot all about Alice and Rosalie as they talked over me, talking about Rose's new love interest who we were meeting this evening. Then Alice was painting my eyes and I had to open them. She had turned me away from the mirror, so I couldn't see what she was doing.

"There," Alice stated. "You are done for makeup and hair, now let's get you dressed."

She began diving into bags from our shopping trip earlier in the week. I wasn't sure I was up for this, what had she decided on? She pulled out the boots we had agreed on and thigh high stockings. Once I felt satisfied that no one was in the room besides the three of us, I undressed down to my blue panties and pulled on the thigh highs and stockings. Alice pulled out a red dress and helped me slip it over my head. Then she led me to a full-length mirror and let me see what she had wrought.

The sleeveless red dress was not tight, but it skimmed my body in a very suggestive way and came only to mid-thigh, showing a healthy amount of stockings above the tops of the over-the-knee black leather boots. It was a very sexy outfit, I had to admit.

But the real shock was my face and hair. I didn't recognize myself. She had covered my hair with a strawberry blonde wig of wavy, loose curls, and applied makeup that was so heavy I could hardly believe my face might be under it. I didn't look like Bella, I looked hot! Holy crow, this might be fun after all! I could be someone else, not the sad, quiet, little book mouse, but a sex kitten, strong and bold. I could be the kind of girl who would take a man home and have her way with him. Hell with Jake, he didn't know what he was missing!

"Bella, speak, already," said Rosalie. "What do you think?"

"I think…" My face in the mirror changed, smiled a cat-like smile. "I think Bella is on vacation. Tonight I am not Bella. Tonight I am Tanya, conqueror of men!"

Alice and Rosalie laughed and I high-fived them. As Rosalie and I were heading out, Alice whispered in my ear that she had taken the liberty earlier in the day to stock my nightstand with condoms, just in case Tanya got lucky tonight. She had my spare key, in case of emergencies. I guess this qualified but I was surprised. "Don't forget, Bell—_Tanya_, you don't want to catch anything but a good time tonight!"

XXXXX

We hadn't been in _Lestat's Daughter_ more than 10 minutes when a huge, muscular man appeared through the crowd and wrapped his arms around Rosalie. He was handsome in a boyish way but the most striking thing about him was his size. Rosalie isn't a tiny woman but she nearly vanished in his embrace. And when I saw her face I knew this was the man she had been gushing about to Alice. The glow in her eyes was something I had never seen in the Ice Princess before. All signs of the no-nonsense business major had disappeared and she was just Rose-in-Love. Looking at muscle man, he was just as smitten. Well, hells bells, I guess someone deserved to have a guy look at her like that.

"Em, this is my friend, Tanya. Tanya, this is Emmett."

"Hi, Tanya." Emmett looked over at me and I could see appreciation, but the way he looked back at Rosalie said it all. Dress a pig up, but she's still just a pig next to the goddess that is Rose. "This is perfect. I brought my brother with me," he said, and hauled us through the press of clubbers. We came through the crowd and approached a table with one man sitting at it. I felt my knees go weak. My crush, Mr. Cullen, the god of graduate instructors, was sitting there, watching me come through the crowd. Emmett introduced us and took off. Mr. Cullen never took his eyes off me. His gaze was forceful as always but it seemed warmer, more open. I nearly fell at his feet in worship.

Suddenly, I was sitting next to _Edward_. I already knew his name was Edward but how nice to say it out loud, to lean in close to him as he talked, to smell the clean masculine smell of him. I let my new persona take over my actions and brain. I couldn't talk to him but Tanya did. He leaned in intently to hear what I said, like he was interested, not just being polite. He was better read than I had expected from a stiff biology grad and he made me laugh. I let myself, _Tanya,_ reach out and stroke his neck, feeling the way his silky hair curled around my fingertips. The touch of his skin felt like ice and fire, like an electric shock straight to my groin. When he kissed my wrist, his beautiful lips brushing against my skin, it was all I could do not to rip off my dress and mount him right in the booth. I had no resistance against him.

When he pulled me to him on the dance floor I felt like I was boneless. I was just relieved I didn't fall, although partly that was because he was holding me so tightly. I could feel his long muscular body curling into mine, brushing against me. I was feeling hotter than just a few dances should be making me.

The evening was dreamlike, unreal. I was touching, dancing with this man who was so beautiful it nearly hurt and he was looking at me like I was the answer to all his dreams, like I was chocolate ice cream with a cherry on top, his favorite heroin, something he wanted to devour. I had seen lust before, just not directed at me. It was heady to know I could be the object of such lust.

I found new depths to my schoolgirl crush. Though it might have been Bella whose heart thudded when he smiled that crooked smile, it wasn't really me who flirted with Edward, who talked to him. It was Tanya.

XXXXX

In the car my fantasy returned. I picked up Edward's hand and put it on my thigh and slid it under my dress. He didn't need to be told what I wanted but I was surprised that he didn't pull his hand away, or just rub my leg. Edward's long, beautiful fingers were sliding up my dress and rubbing me through my underwear with the same sureness that he used to adjust the microscopes in class. He tugged on my panties and I all but ripped them off for him, to get them out of the way.

Jessica was more right than she had told me about Edward's skills. His fingers teased and explored, diving into my wet core until I climaxed. I'd had orgasms before, but next to this they felt polite and gentle. This orgasm made my toes curl and the top of my head tingle. After an orgasm like that I could have died happy, just said goodnight and gone home, but for some reason my mouth opened and asked him to come up to my apartment. He didn't hesitate to say yes.

I knew I had had too much to drink and I suspected he was a little tipsy too. Walking up to my apartment I was wondering what I was thinking_. I'm thinking that I have the most gorgeous man I have ever seen following me to my apartmen, and I am going to take full advantage of this opportunity._

He looked up at me from my bed, a pagan god come to life, like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Then he grabbed my hips and buried that perfect face between my legs and _oh, Mr. Cullen! _It just got better and better, his tongue in me until I came again, almost sobbing.

Then he rolled me over, and pressed his big shaft against my thigh. I got a condom on him, thanking Alice as I did so, and he slid into me. He pounded me from behind, gripping my hips so tight I thought he might leave finger marks. I was at a perfect angle where he was rubbing that sweet spot, over and over, harder and faster, and I was coming again, wave after wave, and he came with me, jerking and groaning _Tanya, fuck, Tanya. _I felt like I was living a porn film but every way he touched me was electric, everything he did felt so good.

His long-fingered hands were very talented, and even just running his fingers over my hip while we talked about art, laying side by side on my bed, I felt a charge, something warm and electric arcing from him into me. He talked dirty, whispering the things he wanted to do to me into my ear while he did them. Hearing that low voice tell me he wanted me …I wanted this night to never end.

Even then, he wasn't done. After he pulled off my boots I saw he was getting hard again and I just had to taste him. He was still sticky with cum, and had a faint taste of the rubber, but I wrapped my lips around him, and sucked him as far back as I could, using my hands to make up the difference.

It was magical, sex that made every bit of my skin tingle, and opening my eyes to see his sculpted face, his green eyes alight with passion, lips parted. He was just as I had imagined, long and thick and satiny, and he tasted sweet. That had been a surprise. Jake's dick had always tasted rather sour. Edwards' cum was strong and salty but not unpleasant. I wanted to keep tasting him.

I had a moment of panic when he buried his hands in the wig. He completely froze. I was glad Alice had put on the wig for me; between the costumers glue and hair pins, I knew it would be hard to remove.

"Take it off," he said, but I told him no and gave no explanation. Even if I weren't his student, there was no way he would be interested in Bella. He would skedaddle. So when it seemed he would fall asleep in my bed, although the thought was so tempting, I knew that would be a bad idea. Using work as an excuse, I told him he had to leave. I hugged myself and figured that I had seen the last of him but it had been worth it. Oh, yes, so worth it.

Saturday Mr. Cullen came into the coffee house and I nearly puddled on the floor. Just so beautiful, but now I knew what he looked like under his khakis and oxford shirts. Now I knew how he moaned when he came. Now I knew how he said fuck in that low, velvety voice.

He seemed distracted, ordering his usual coffee with espresso shot. When I said hello, he looked at me as if he didn't know who I was. Of course he didn't know: I'm not that spectacular when I'm not "Tanya". But after a moment he blinked, and said _hello, Miss Swan_. It made my breath catch. It was silly, to feel so giddy over a man who didn't really know who I was. Just because this morning I was still feeling sore in muscles I didn't know I had, just because he had fucked me like a dog in heat, why should he know who I was? I watched him rush out of the coffee house and sighed as I got back to work.

Alice called before she headed off to the theater. I was home, reading an essay on Thomas Mann for my seminar class. With last night's partying, I needed to catch up a little.

"So, _Tanya_, did you have a good time last night? Rosalie told me you got a ride home from some god-like creature," Alice giggled. "Did you take him home and ravish him?"

I felt a bit shy about it. Not like Alice or Rosalie were shy about such things, I heard all the gory details of their sexcapades all the time. I just wasn't in the habit of telling about my sex life. Honestly, since Jake, I hadn't had a sex life to talk about.

"Yes, Miss Nosy, I had a great time, and yes, I did take him home, Alice," I admitted. She squealed in delight.

"I knew it would be good for you, Bella. You needed to break the seal, get out there. Forget about Jake, forget about Mr. Hottie-Biology-Teacher, and just get laid."

I didn't say anything.

"Bella? You did get laid, right?"

"Oh, yes. Definitely. Thanks for the condoms, by the way."

"Good. I guess it's a good thing I used glue to hold that wig in place then?"

"Yes, thanks. Rose seemed to have a good time with her hunk. Did she get home okay?"

"Yes, and she's out with him again tonight."

"Oh, wow! Good. Hey, Alice, I'd better go, I'll see you at lunch on Monday. Bye."

I sighed and got back to my reading. I wasn't ready to tell Alice and Rosalie that Dr. Hottie was Edward.

XXXXX

Sunday Edward called while I was still at work. In that low velvety voice that would melt a glacier he asked to meet me again. Rather, he demanded I meet him. My mind raced. My rational side said I should give him an excuse. Sleeping with him once was risky but twice was just asking for trouble. He already knew I was wearing a wig, how long before he wanted to see what was under it? How long could I pull off low lit environments? What would he do if he realized who I was, mousy Bella? Probably he'd run fast and far, screaming the whole way.

However, my body was doing a happy dance and telling me to go for it. I still had the wig, I could manage, right? The memory of him in my bed drove the rational side out to the countryside and dumped her like an unwanted puppy. I hadn't planned on being Tanya again but this was Mr. _fucking hotter than the sun_ Cullen and anything he asked of me I would do.

I said I would meet him at the bar at _La Bella Italia_ at 9 pm. As soon as I hung up the phone I wondered if I was being entirely sane. I was terrified and elated all at the same time. I felt weak and giddy and all hot and tingly between my legs.

It felt like forever to get done at work and I probably looked at the clock every 10 minutes.

When I got home I cleaned up my apartment, making sure nothing incriminating was left out where it could be easily spotted. I showered, I exfoliated, and then I tried to recreate the masterpiece that Alice had accomplished. I couldn't bring myself to put on nearly so much eye makeup as Alice had done, which kept the effect from being a complete, but close enough. I put on the boots with a black miniskirt and red top and gave myself one last look in the mirror. Tanya was back.

**A/N**

**Please review. I enjoy seeing the numbers of readers adding this story to their favorites and alerts, but reviews are like love. ** **This story has been modified to fit with this sites guidelines for Mature content, but is in it's original, NC-17 rated form on .**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Edward**

I ate a light dinner, more because I knew I had to have something solid in my stomach than out of any hunger. I couldn't even really tell what I was eating. Everything tasted the same. I went to _La Bella Italia _early and sat as far from everyone as I could. The bartender brought me the Jack, neat, that I ordered and left me alone.

I still didn't know what I should say to Bella Swan. I knew what I wanted to say:_ I want you, I need you, and I'm scared to death what you are going to do to me_. Almost out of habit than anything else I began to break down the problem.

Constant is E, _E = doctorate, research position, money, life._

Fact: I had fucked Tanya. Wild crazy hot monkey sex, better than I ever had, crazy horny teenage boy fantasy fucking. _Value of T_

Fact: I want to fuck Tanya again. _E + T_

Fact: Tanya is Bella. _If E +T, and T =B, then E + T = E + B._

Fact: Bella is completely off-limits. _E + B = 0_

But desire isn't a mathematical formula and knowing the results wasn't going to change my situation. I was the lab rat running the maze, trying to find the fucking cheese. I hated the lab rats. I was glad when I got on a team that was using human subject research. Now I was the rat, and like the stupidest rat in the test, I was headed into the trap again. I downed my second whiskey.

What I should say also depended on her. Would it be Bella who met me here or Tanya? Would she even be here at all?

"Hello, Edward." She put her hand on my arm tentatively. I turned to look at her and felt lust course through me. Studying her face, any last doubts I may have had were gone. This was no evil twin or mistaken identity soap opera. Bella Swan. I'd always considered myself pretty smart, but at the moment I felt incredibly stupid.

"Hello. You look lovely." The standard greeting for a woman fell from my mouth, but in her case it was a lie. Lovely wasn't good enough. She looked fucking delicious. She blushed.

"I wasn't sure if you would actually be here," I said softly. She smiled the same shy smile as yesterday in the coffee house. Her makeup was heavy, but not as heavy as the other night. Thinking about how she looked in the coffee house, I wanted to wipe the heavy makeup off her eyes and lips. I wanted to strip her down to her honest beauty. I wanted to strip off the lying, hateful wig and see her without the pretense.

"I told you I would be here," she said simply.

"Pull up a stool. Do you want something?" I gestured to my drink. She hopped up on the barstool beside me. I signaled the bartender and Tanya ordered a Cosmo. I watched her, as she shifted her legs and thanked the bartender for her drink. He refilled my whiskey. I took the opportunity to look around the bar and made sure no one was paying us any attention. It was time for a little experiment.

"So, you made it to work yesterday?" I asked casually.

"Yes, though I was pretty worn out." She smirked and took a sip of her drink.

"Where do you work?" She nearly snorted her Cosmo through her nose. Her eyes darted to me and then away.

"I work in the library," she lied calmly. Although her voice was steady, her neck flushed. I wanted to touch that blushing skin to see how far down the blush went. I gripped my drink with both hands and concentrated on the questions.

"Really? I know someone who works in the library, perhaps you know her," I probed. I prodded my memory for the name; it was only a little over two months ago. "Jessica? Short girl, curly dark hair …"

"Jessica Stanley? I've met her. We don't work in the same department though." She looked up at me, suspicious. "Is she a _friend_ of yours?"

"No." Damn. I was hoping to catch her out, but she knew Jessica. Now I was on the spot. I shrugged to hide my uneasiness. "We went out a couple of times last fall."

Bella's eyes narrowed. I felt like I had given up more information than I intended, or that she knew more about me than she should.

"How long have you been working there?" I didn't want to give Bella too much time to dwell on Jessica. I didn't want to dwell on Jessica myself. She had been enthusiastic in bed but talking to her had made me want to stab my own eyes out.

"Since last summer. Why?"

"I just wondered if I had seen you there. Maybe you look different at work." Bella's eyes flashed around nervously, lighting everywhere except on me.

"Yeah, I suppose everyone looks different at work than at play. Why are you so interested?"

"I just want to know more about you. We barely know each other, after all." I touched her back, and let my fingers drift down to her hip. She trembled under my hand. "I just want to understand you."

Her chocolate eyes were wide and innocent. Her lips were slightly parted. My own breath was becoming shorter and I felt desire twisting in my gut. Although my brain was trying to remind me of my plan, my body seemed to be acting on its own. I let my hand slip to her thigh and then move back to her hip, grazing the tender skin where the thigh meets hip. She shuddered.

"There's not much to know, really. I'm just a small-town girl coming to college, dreaming of making it as a writer. Not much else to tell." I leaned close to her, speaking into her neck, watching her face from the corner of my eye.

"So are you gathering material?" I breathed in her scent. This might have been a mistake. I should have talked to her on the phone where I couldn't smell her. She smelled delicious.

"What do you mean?" Bella's voice was trembling. Was she afraid or aroused or some combination of the two?

I put my lips to her ear and whispered, "I mean, do you sleep with all your teachers, or is it just me, _Miss Swan_?"

Her reaction, though I had half-expected it, was still startling. She nearly fell off the stool as she jerked away from me. She stumbled to her feet and glared at me. She was shaking. Her face was flushed red, and her eyes wild.

"What?" she said. A few people near us looked up. The man closest to us looked at Bella, then at me, and looked like he might say something. I tried to soften my expression into something non-threatening. The man turned away.

Bella watched me, tensed in a fight or flight reaction. I said softly, so we weren't overheard, "sit down, we need to talk."

She nodded mutely and sat down again. I leaned in close to her, but not touching her, not wanting anyone to think I was forcing her. When I glanced over, no one was paying us any attention.

I squashed my self-preservation instinct that was screaming that I was putting myself in danger. I was already in danger, what more could happen to me?

"So what is all this about?" I said into her ear.

"I… I don't know what you mean." Her voice was small and faint, like a little girl. She looked down into her cherry read drink.

"What do you want, Miss Swan?" I asked more roughly.

"I want you, Edward, just you." Her voice caught. I snorted at that.

"I don't believe that's all you were after. What is your game, Miss Swan?" She looked up at me then, her eyes wide and startled. Those chocolate brown eyes I could sink into. For a long time, she stared into my face, stunned.

"I didn't mean … it was just …" she stammered.

"You didn't mean what? It was just what?!" I demanded, but I couldn't stop myself. I was having a hard time keeping my voice low and even. She had known what she was doing, who I was, but now she was the hurt party? Her pretense was infuriating. "You didn't mean for me to find out? You didn't mean to fuck me? I think you meant exactly that, I just want to know why. Are you trying to get me fired or expelled? Or do you just get your jollies by fucking the faculty? How many other unsuspecting professors have you been fucking?"

"I haven't been fucking the faculty!" Her eyes darkened, starting to grow angry in reaction to my attack. It just fed my own anger.

"Oh, really? I'm supposed to believe it was just me? Are you trying to ruin me? Blackmail me? Report me to the administration?"

"No! Edward, I wouldn't…"

"Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan. My students call me Mr. Cullen," I hissed. If I wanted to put distance between us, I couldn't have her calling me Edward, no matter how it made my heart throb to hear my name in her mouth.

"I'm not going to tell anyone what happened, _Mr. Cullen_. It's no one else's business," she hissed. Our faces were so close together we were nearly touching. I could feel her warm, sweet breath on my cheek.

"Then why? Why do this?" I demanded in a whisper.

She put her hand on my arm and I removed it and replaced her hand on the bar. She looked down at her limp hand, red hair falling around her face, and everything seemed to drain out of her. I felt emotions raging in me. Through the anger and anxiety at the danger she had put me in _I had put myself in, _I had the desire to rip the red wig from her head, to run rough hands through her hair, to crush her to me, to kiss her, to never let her go. I couldn't give in to that dangerous desire, especially not here, in public.

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry about … I'm just … it's just stupid." Bella muttered. I waited for her to continue.

"I … um… Rose and Alice were just trying to cheer me up, get me out of my shell, get me to go out and have fun. I … thought it would be fun to pretend to be someone else for a night, someone prettier, stronger, someone men want. It was empowering. No one really notices me. But Tanya can be as pretty as Rose. As Tanya I can be strong and assertive. I can be sexy." I didn't say anything, what could I possibly say?

She took a deep breath. Her voice had become jerky, and when she looked up I could see tears shining in her eyes. Her eyes were fixed on my mouth, as though they weren't strong enough to lift to my eyes. "I'm sorry, Edward, I … thought you were … beautiful … from the first day of class. You have such a lovely mouth; I just wanted to kiss you. You're so formal in class… and then I saw you at the club, and we talked, and you didn't know who I was, and you were so different, so passionate and smart and funny, and you wanted me… well, you wanted Tanya…" her words drifted off for a moment.

"But you don't want Bella." Her voice was small and weak. She thought I didn't want her, that I only wanted the fantasy-girl. Sex goddess Tanya. _ T is equal to B is an error. T B._

"You are very beautiful," I said, leaning close, my lips nearly brushing her ear. "But it doesn't change that _you_ are my _student_, _I_ am your _teacher_, and you knew that. It shouldn't have happened.

"I want you to forget it. We go on as if nothing ever happened, and no one finds out." I drew back to study her reaction. She looked stunned, like I had slapped her. It was the truth, and a lie. As much as I should, I didn't want to forget her, or what she did to me. I rubbed my face.

"Don't worry, no one will find out, _Mr. Cullen_," she hissed. "It'll be our little secret." Her voice was angry, the words twisted and bitter. I believed her, and the relief was like a weight gone from my heart. Maybe this would just disappear and we could go back to a normal student-teacher relationship. Part of me denied that I could ever be normal around her again, but I quashed the thought. I had to be normal.

"Just forget it ever happened, Miss Swan." I certainly couldn't forget. I was asking her to do what was impossible for myself. The past two days I had thought of little else, nearly nothing other than the feel of her body, the electricity that seemed to flow between us.

"I don't want to forget!" Her eyes blazed with anger. She stumbled off the barstool and walked stiffly out of the bar, her head held high. I threw some money on the bar and rushed out to catch up with her as she was opening the door to the stairs leading up to the apartments. I slipped in behind her and she whirled to face me, her eyes still angry.

"Then what do you want?" The perverse stubbornness of this girl was infuriating.

"I want you! I know you don't want me, but can't you just … want Tanya?" Her expression was a strange combination of anger and pleading.

"No. I can't go with the lie anymore." I couldn't. There was no Tanya; she was as ephemeral as a dream. There was only Bella.

She turned away again and my heart broke. Without even thinking, I put my finger under her chin and turned her face to mine. Such a lovely face she had, such delectable skin. How could this girl think she wasn't beautiful?

"You are very beautiful, Bella." She jerked her head away, but I saw the tears shining in her eyes. I cupped her cheek with my hand for a moment, and then slid my fingers into the hair of her wig, pushing it back. It gave without too much trouble. I pulled it off, and dropped it on the stairs. The hair net followed. Her long, silky brown hair tumbled over my fingers.

"So very beautiful." I put my face into her hair and breathed in the smell of her hair: strawberries. This was real. Bella moaned and quivered against me. Abruptly her hands were tangling in my hair, gripping my head, and her lips were on my mouth, moving hungrily. I walked her backwards until I had her pressed against the wall, feeling her body pressed under mine. As if from a long ways off a rational voice in my brain was calling: _Dangerous! Wrong! Forbidden!_

My hands slid through her hair to cup her head as if I would drink from her mouth. She arched up me, and I felt her breasts press harder into my chest. My mouth moved against hers, and she parted her lips for me. I licked her lower lip, sucked at it, tasting her skin. The feeling of her lips was an electric current straight through my brain into my cock.

My hands began to move down, and I was kneading her sides, her breasts, moving one hand down to grip her waist. My cock was pushing against her belly, and the way she moved next to me was making me harder by the second. I wanted her, wanted to remove the clothes that were between us. I wanted to take her upstairs and strip her clothes off of her and …

_E + B = 0_

My rational voice finally gained the upper hand and I wrenched myself away from her, leaving her panting against the wall. Her face was flushed, her doe eyes wide and excited but startled, too. Her silky brown hair tumbled over her shoulders. We stared at each other, our breathing ragged. I leaned back against the door and pressed my palms to my eyes.

This had been a mistake. If I stayed any longer I was going to sleep with her. She said she wouldn't tell anyone, I would just have to trust that she was telling me the truth and not compound my error.

"I have to leave. I'm sorry."

I stumbled out the door, leaving her standing in the foyer of her building.

Once outside I tried to slow my breathing and gather my thoughts. I had avoided danger, but was I really so much better off? Which was going to be harder: staying away from Bella or giving in to the insane craving to have her? Without a backward glance, I walked home.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Bella POV

Pure Morning

Edward didn't slam the front door when he left but the click of it closing echoed in my head. For a long time I leaned against the wall where he had left me before I convinced my legs to move. I picked up the hated wig on the way up the stairs.

As I expected, he had run away. He hadn't been screaming at least. But he had said I was beautiful. He had kissed me, Bella, not the red-haired Tanya.

I let myself into my apartment. I put the red dress from Friday night, along with the wig and hair net, in a bag and hung it on the doorknob so I wouldn't forget to take it tomorrow. I would give it back to Alice at lunch. I didn't want it any more. He said I was beautiful. He kissed me. I undressed and pulled on a t-shirt to sleep in.

Before I got in bed I looked at my painting of the Klimt. When I picked out the Klimt in Art Appreciation last year I had thought the woman looked so beautiful, with her light red hair and pale skin. Now it looked like the lie, like Tanya. And I didn't want that. I went back in the closet and dug around until I found my art box with my acrylics and brushes. I pulled out an old sheet and took them into the kitchen. I stepped up on the bed and took down the painting and took it to the kitchen table. I squeezed out some paint onto a piece of wax paper and started painting.

As I painted I thought about Edward. Edward, the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on, who made my toes curl with a look. He said I was beautiful. He kissed me, and when he kissed me in the foyer just minutes ago, I could feel his erection pressing against me. He wanted me, I felt sure of it. He said he wanted me to forget about what had happened. I couldn't do that. I also couldn't quite put all the pieces together

I stopped for a few minutes to pour myself a glass of wine and went back to painting, sitting at the kitchen table in a t-shirt and panties. The painting was looking better, I thought. It wasn't a Klimt any more but it wasn't a Bella yet either.

While painting I had tried to put myself in Edward's place. When I tried to see things from his perspective, I couldn't really blame him for being angry. It would seem to him that I had tricked him, perhaps for some nefarious purpose. It didn't change that it had hurt when he had accused me of sleeping around, of sleeping with my teachers. How could he know that he was only the second man I had ever been that intimate with? I had read enough trashy sex novels when I was couch-surfing at Rosalie and Alice's to get a thorough, if highly theoretical, education. Putting it into practice with Edward had been wilder than any book.

He had been angry and when I thought about it, I figured he was also a little scared. After all, he didn't know if I would report him and get him kicked out.

I poured myself another glass of wine and squeezed out more paint. If only dealing with my emotions were as easy as dealing with paint.

XXXX

When I woke up in the morning I had some disorientation and my mouth felt fuzzy. My eyelashes were stuck together with mascara. I had forgotten to wash my face before bed. I didn't usually wear the makeup, so it felt strange. I turned off my alarm clock and rolled out of bed.

I showered and dressed for school in jeans and a blue Henley. I threw a heavy sweater over the top. It would be better for my fantasy life if I wasn't wearing a skirt today. That might be too tempting.

In the kitchen I scooted the painting over to make room for my pop-tarts and orange juice. I would get a coffee on the way to class. I loved employee discounts. While nibbling on my strawberry pop-tart I examined the progress I'd made on the painting last night. The pregnant woman's seaweed hair was now dark brown, like mine, and the eyes were the same shade as mine too. I'd thought about adding a wild mop of auburn hair to one of the skull-faced figures but I wasn't really mad at Edward.

No, I wasn't mad at him. I felt little sad, and a little scared, and a whole lot horny, but not angry. Nothing he had said had managed to diminish the longing I felt to be near him. If anything the feeling was stronger now than before, a compulsion to be near him.

And I was going to see him again in four hours. My heart started pounding loudly. This might be a long class.

I threw my knapsack together and headed out, making sure to get the bag for Alice on the way.

XXXXX

My early morning Lit class was boring, as usual, but at least I had finished the readings. My ability to keep up in the breakout discussion group was only marginally impaired by thoughts of Edward kissing me.

As class was wrapping up, my discussion group leader was trying to organize a study session for later in the week. Mid-term was only two weeks away and he was getting nervous. After some discussion we agreed to meet at the library on Wednesday before lunch. I could be there right after Biology lecture. It wasn't too hard to arrange with only four of us in the group.

Biology lecture was next and it flew by. We were discussing the circulatory system this week, and I idly wondered what Mr. Cullen would have lined up for a lab. Blood draw? Vampire bats? In light of Edward's revelations about his research project, and knowing he was on Banner's team, I was much more awake to all the sexual innuendos scattered through Banner's lectures. He chuckled at his own jokes about sexy gametes. What a perv.

I gathered up my notes and walked from the lecture hall wing of the Life Science building to the lab in the basement. Mike Newton, my lab partner, caught up with me as I reached the basement level.

"Hey, Bella, how was your weekend?" I sighed. He was like a fucking puppy, sticking his wet, cold nose up my skirt.

"It was busy: work, studying, you know. How was yours?"

"It was cool, my roommate Eric and I went rock climbing. We saw the biggest elk out there …"

We walked into the classroom and I had to pause. Mr. Cullen was writing the lab assignment on the chalkboard and I felt the breath go out of me like it usually did when I saw him. His long hands were moving quickly as he wrote. His hair was in its usual disarray. His khakis were loose but I could see the shape of his lovely ass as he stretched and moved. Everything was just the same as last Monday's class, but so very different. I was different.

Mike was still talking, "…it was like one of those horses on the Bud commercials. I swear it could have pulled a truck!" I got my feet moving and went to our lab table. I was doing my best to ignore Mike as he rambled on about the joys of camping. I liked being outdoors but just for day hikes. I like hot showers too much to enjoy staying in the woods for prolonged periods.

Mr. Cullen turned around as Mike was exhorting the joys of Mt. Rainier. For a moment, Mr. Cullen's sharp green eyes froze on me, and in that look I saw something like anger. Then he looked away and began explaining the lab.

Today was the circulatory system, so we would be learning to take blood pressure and filling out a short worksheet. I nearly rolled my eyes at the absurd easiness. Mr. Cullen walked around as he explained how to listen for the systolic and diastolic pressures.

"The cuff needs to be snug before inflating, but not too tight. Put the head of the stethoscope on the skin of the inner elbow, where the pulse can be most clearly heard…"

He didn't look at me as he placed the cuff and stethoscope and worksheets by my notebook, though his voice did pause until he had reached the next table.

"…Enter the systolic and diastolic pressures on the worksheet and enter your and your partner's blood pressure rates on the graph. It will show you whether you're in the healthy or unhealthy range."

He finished as he reached the front of the room and opened his roll book.

Before I could say anything, Mike chirped up, "Ladies first!"

Grumbling about lifeboats, I pulled off my sweater and rolled up my sleeve. Voices swelled around us as partners began getting the cuffs and stethoscopes ready. I heard a few nervous squeals from the girls in the back. Mike wrapped the cuff around my arm rather higher than I thought he should and the back of his hand brushed my breast. Okay, that could be an accident. Not likely, but possible.

I glanced up and saw Mr. Cullen watching us. His face was smooth, expressionless, but his eyes seemed very dark. Mike was holding my hand to keep my arm out and putting the stethoscope head on my arm. It was very cold and I shivered.

"Do you hear the pulse?" I asked Mike. My voice was quivering. I didn't like Mike holding my hand. I wanted to yank my hand away. He was looking at my chest.

"Um…" Mike muttered as he moved the stethoscope head around. Suddenly, a familiar long hand reached past my shoulder and plucked my arm away from Mike. Without speaking, Mr. Cullen placed my hand on the table, then removed the head of the stethoscope from Mike's hand, and placed it himself. I felt the heat of a blush spreading up my neck.

"Inflate the cuff." His voice was cool and commanding. Mike pumped the bulb and my arm was constricted by the cuff. Mr. Cullen held the stethoscope to my arm as Mike listened and watched the meter reading on the cuff. I wanted to look up at Mr. Cullen but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He was standing right by my shoulder, and if I turned, my face would be right next to his. I might have to do something like lick his cheek or something else inappropriate to do to your teacher. I stared at his long fingers barely touching the skin of my inner arm, just studying their grace. I was ridiculously aware of that limited touch of his skin on mine.

My face got even hotter. Mike wrote down the number of my blood pressure. I was not surprised to see it was higher than it had been at my last doctor's appointment.

The blonde girl at the table next to us shrilly cried, "Mr. Cullen! I can't get the cuff to stay on!"

Mr. Cullen was gone so fast I thought I felt the wind of his movement. Numbly, I removed the cuff and put it on Mike. I tried to keep my eyes on the pressure gauge, but I could see Mr. Cullen at the next table, adjusting Miss Mallory's cuff. His tousled auburn hair was falling over his face as he adjusted the cuff. And Miss Mallory was looking at him with undisguised lust. I felt nauseated.

I was no better than her, really. I was just another smitten college girl. The only difference between me and Miss Rat-Faced Mallory was that I had tricked him into my bed. She was probably playing the direct route, I thought, as I noticed how she batted her eyelashes at him. He ignored her and cheerfully told her she was ready to go.

_I'll bet she is_, I thought.

Mr. Cullen checked on a few other students, circulating to make sure everyone got the idea. There was a lot of giggling from some of the more goofy and flirty students. I graphed our blood pressures. Mine was perfectly within the normal range, just higher than usual for me. At least that wouldn't give me away too much. I took our worksheets up to Mr. Cullen's desk just as he returned to it.

"Any problems, Miss Swan?"

"Um, no, I think we got it."

His intense green eyes were boring into me.

"You know if you ever have any question or problems you can bring them up at my office hours on Wednesdays." Although his tone was as calm as it always was in class, I felt he was trying to tell me something. I fought the suspicion down.

"Oh, yes." I could feel my blush starting again and fled back to my table. Today's lab had been quick and easy, and by the time I was done putting my sweater back on, most of the class was gone. Mike was lingering, seeming to be delaying. I pulled my backpack on and headed out. I needed to get out of here before I did something rash, like grabbing Mr. Cullen's khaki-wearing ass. That wouldn't be a good thing. As I was leaving, with Mike right behind me, Mr. Cullen called out.

"Mr. Newton, would you help me gather these things up?"

Mike grimaced and waved to me as I glanced back.

"See you later, Bella." I caught sight of Mr. Cullen's glower over Mike's shoulder as I went out the door.

XXXXX

I finished my pizza and picked up my apple. Rosalie was telling us about Emmett and her date on Saturday. Alice huffed impatiently. I was sure she had heard all this yesterday but it was new to me. Alice had missed meeting Emmett, with her work schedule and matinees and everything. When Rosalie paused in describing her own personal hunk of heaven, Alice turned to me.

"So, Bella, is Emmett everything Rosalie says he is? Is he as dreamy as we are given to believe?"

"He's cute, he likes Rose, but …" I batted my eyes and said in a falsetto, "I don't like a man with too many muscles…" My favorite quote from the _Rocky Horror Picture Show_.

Alice squealed and together we shrieked, "Just one big one!" Rosalie scowled, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh. Several people at other tables turned and stared curiously.

"And what about his brother, _Janet_," Rosalie said, quirking an eyebrow at me. "Does Edward have _a big muscle_?" Alice snickered.

I blushed, suddenly unsure where I what I was going to tell them. Edward has asked me not to tell anyone about our tryst and I felt bound to that promise. Even with my best friends. Of course, Rosalie and Alice took the blush as embarrassment. I lied, as well as I could.

"Well, we didn't get…"

Alice gasped. "You told me…"

"I know. I just didn't want to disappoint you." Alice's eyes narrowed and I wasn't sure if she didn't believe me or was mad that all her scheming had been for nothing. I rolled the apple around in my hands.

"I don't believe it," Rosalie said. "The two of you were all over each other in the club. I thought he was going to bend you over the table…"

"Rose!"

Alice opened her mouth to say something, but Rosalie, looking over my shoulder, exclaimed, "There's Edward now! I didn't know he was a student here!" Alice followed Rosalie's gaze and widened. I didn't turn around. He couldn't be here in the food court!

"Which one?" Alice asked.

Rosalie pointed subtly, "In the black leather jacket and khakis. Tall. Brown hair. Looking this way." She waved. I studied my apple. Alice's eyes narrowed at me. Rosalie didn't notice, she was looking over my shoulder gesturing.

My mind was in a flurry of panic. All I could think was that they must not know he's my teacher …

"Hello, Rosalie," said Edward. That low, velvety voice made my insides melt.

"Hi, Edward, why don't you join us?" Rosalie said.

"Are you sure that's okay with your friends?" I couldn't bring myself to look up when he spoke. I was sure I was blushing again. I might have to start wearing makeup, just to cover up the fucking embarrassment.

Rosalie snorted. "Of course. This is Alice, and this is … Bella." Alice gave him a wave. I looked up. Edward had a bemused look on his face as he looked down at me. His green eyes were warm.

"Nice to meet you, Alice. Hello … Bella." He smirked. The way he said my name with his velvety voice was sensual, like he was tasting it. He turned back to Rose. "I'm sorry, Rosalie, it's nice to run into you, but I have some work to do while I eat. I'm sorry, maybe another time. Alice. Bella." He moved past us and sat at a small table under the windows. I watched as he pulled out a book and began to read, eating his lunch one-handed.

Alice watched him for a moment, then slowly swiveled her head to look at me. Rosalie was already staring at me with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

"You had that gorgeous man-meat drive you home, and you are trying to tell me you didn't drag him home and shackle him to the bed and have your way with him? For shame!" Alice did her best mock-disapproving voice and head shake.

"I know! He's gorgeous, he was so obviously hot for her, all dressed up as _Tanya_…"

Alice, perceptive as usual, broke in, "He said hello to you as Bella. Did you tell him?"

"Something like that." I took a bite of apple.

Rosalie exhaled sharply. "Well, then we'll just have to make sure you have a better chance with him next time."

"I'm not dressing up in the wig again, Rose," I warned.

"Aw!"

"No, Alice, she's right. We'll have to do something different. I think I have a plan."

I was simultaneously frightened and thrilled. I wanted more than anything to be closer to Edward, to see him, even though I knew it was just fanning the flames. I was supposed to be forgetting and moving on, not indulging in my crush. But at the moment I wanted to dive into those forbidden waters and drown.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

BPOV

When I got home from classes late Monday night I threw down my books and went back to the painting. It was looking good, but I had some ideas. I opened a new bottle of wine and went back to work. It was nearly midnight when I finally felt it was what I wanted; I put down the wine and stepped back. Yeah. That was better. Now the pregnant girl's eyes and hair matched my own dark brown hair, right down to the chestnut highlights. I'd changed the shape of her face to look more like mine. I put it back on the wall. It was done. It was right. It was beautiful.

XXXXX

I found out on Tuesday morning what Rosalie planned. She texted me at work to tell me we'd be making dinner for Edward and Emmett Wednesday night at their house. Alice had a night class on Wednesday, a senior seminar in theater design, or else she would have brought her along too.

I tried to beg out, but Rosalie wasn't having it, and to be honest with myself I really wanted to go, to be near him in a "normal" way. As if anything I was doing in regards to Edward could be normal.

At about ten am, I turned to the next customer to find Edward looking at me calmly across the counter. The surprise took my breath away a little. He had a faint smile on his face.

"Miss Swan," he said in that velvet voice. I could have melted into the floor. His face was calm and smooth but his eyes were burning me wherever they touched. I felt heat crawling up my neck. He looked at my neck, and I was sure he was watching my blush grow. I wondered desperately if the sprinkler system would be activated if I got much hotter.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen. What can I get for you today?" My voice was barely a gasp.

"I'd like a Large Columbian with a shot of Espresso and a sesame bagel, please." He seemed so calm and collected. Just his presence was making my heart thud loudly. I wondered if he could hear it.

"Coming right up."

Edward waited calmly, watching my every move as I filled his order. I had to move slower than usual to keep from dropping anything or scalding myself. When I pushed his coffee and bagel across the counter he lifted his intense gaze to my eyes.

"Thank you, Miss Swan."

He picked up his order and turned away with that half smile that made me melt. I watched him walk out, admiring his tight ass in khakis. I beat the lust back in and turned back to work.

XXXXX

"I guess we're finished here, I'll see you all on Friday," Ben said, putting away his notes and leaning back. Although I could see the point of the study group, I wanted to get away and eat lunch. My stomach rumbled as if to make my point and Jasper, sitting beside me, laughed.

"Hey, Bella, I'll race you to lunch," he said. Jasper, Ben, and Angela made up my Literature discussion group and our study session for mid-term was over, for this week at least. I was sure Ben was going to want to schedule another one for next week, now that he had found a time slot we were all available. Jasper was the most light-hearted of our group. He was the only non-Comp Lit major, so he wasn't nearly so wound up about this class.

"Sure, Jasper, I'm sure I'll beat you there!" Angela gave me a smile as I packed up my knapsack and slung it over my shoulder.

"Take care, Bella, we'll see you later."

Jasper picked up his books and walked beside me out of the study room and out of the library, instead of actually racing me to the food court.

"How are you feeling about the mid-term?" Jasper asked, sweeping his wavy blonde hair out of his face. If I weren't so madly lusting after Edward, I would have considered Jasper quite attractive. He was tall and muscular and had a casual charm and the sweetest hint of an accent.

"Fine, but Ben is making me nervous. It's not like it's the Spanish Inquisition." I made a face and Jasper laughed at that. I had an inspiration.

"I'm meeting some friends for lunch, would you like to join us?" I asked. I couldn't imagine Alice and Rosalie minding Jasper joining us.

"Sure." He smiled sweetly.

I lead him over to the bench under the pine tree where I usually met up with Rosalie and Alice. They were already there and watched us as Jasper and I strolled up. Their eyebrows lifted.

"Hey, girls! This is Jasper; can he join us for lunch? Jasper, this is Alice, and Rosalie." Alice bounded to her feet and put out her hand. Jasper smiled and shook it, his eyes lighting up as he took in her pixie face and spiky hair. Alice was all lit up, too, smiling up at the blonde man towering over her.

"Sure, Jasper, join us for lunch," Alice trilled.

"It looks like you already brought a snack," snarked Rosalie into my ear as she stood up to follow Alice and Jasper to find lunch.

We got our food and found a table together. Jasper made small talk with all of us but his eyes rarely left Alice.

"So, Jasper," Alice asked shyly as we were reaching the end of our meal. "Are you a Comp. Lit major, too?"

"No, I'm in the sculpture department. I mostly do metal sculpture, but also some wood and stone."

"Really? Can I see your sculptures sometime?

"Sure, Alice, are you busy after lunch?"

Rosalie shot me a significant look. Jasper and Alice were becoming totally unaware that Rosalie and I were even at the same table. Rosalie sighed and directed her next statement to me.

"Bella, I'll pick you up at 6 and we'll head over to Emmett's house. We can swing by Trader Joe's on the way and pick up everything you need to make dinner." My stomach suddenly twisted. The dread and anticipation hit me again.

"I'm cooking?"

"Well, of course you are, Bells, you're the best cook I know," she huffed. "I'm lucky to know how to preheat the oven."

She had a point there.

"So what am I making?"

"How about Chicken Parmesan with Marinara sauce?" Rosalie's favorite. I mentally began tabulating what we would need, and how much time it would take. We'd need at least 3 pounds of chicken breasts. I was sure that Emmett could polish off a whole pound by himself. The planning helped me calm down from the flutter of anticipation at seeing Edward, of being in his house.

"Okay, we can get everything there. I'll be ready." It would probably be the most awkward meal ever, but I didn't want to tell Rosalie the truth and have her kill Edward or me. I thought about trying to come up with a plausible reason not to go along with Rosalie's plan, but again I was overcome by the stronger compulsion to spend more time with Edward. And that compulsion reminded me of something else. I took the last bite of my sandwich and crumpled up the wrapper.

"Rosalie, I have to get going."

"I thought your class wasn't until 2."

"It isn't, I need to talk to my Biology teacher and his office hours are at 1." I stood up.

"Still crushing on Mr. Hottie? I thought Edward would have purged that."

I smiled. "Not quite."

We didn't bother saying goodbye to Alice and Jasper, they were talking about Berthold Brecht. Some theater thing. Rosalie left me at the front of the Union, muttering about the library. With a wave to Rosalie I rushed to the Life Science building.

I hoped I had guessed his intention correctly. He wanted to talk to me, I felt sure.

I had been to Edward's office once before, buried in the basement of the building a hundred yards from the lab classroom. It was smallish and crowded with books, notebooks, and jars full of fabric. I peeked in. Edward was sitting at his desk, hands on the keyboard of his laptop. I could see his perfect profile, the aquiline nose and strong chin. His eyebrows were knitted in concentration. He typed a bit, looked at something on his desk, then typed some more. _He is so beautiful. I am such an idiot. _His fingers moved fluidly over the keys and perhaps I sighed.

"Come in, Miss Swan," he said, not looking up. I stepped in hesitantly.

"How did you know it was me?" My heart was starting to pound

He looked up and ran his hand through his hair with a grimace. Even the grimace was adorable.

"Maybe I'm psychic. Maybe I was expecting you. I did suggest you come to my office to discuss the class. I don't often get students coming down to my crypt." He gestured around his windowless office.

I nodded. He ran his hands through his hair again, and waved me to a wooden chair beside his desk. I sat tentatively.

"I wanted to ask you to consider changing to another section of the lab, Miss Swan."

Change? Why would I want to change? Then I wouldn't see him any more, he wouldn't be my teacher… oh. He wouldn't be my teacher. He wanted to get me away from him. As I'd expected, Edward was running fast and far. I sagged and looked at my feet.

Besides the sadness of rejection, it wasn't possible with my work and class schedule to move to another lab class. When I'd signed up for classes his was the only one with room in it that I was able to fit with a full time schedule of classes and working four days a week. The only other open sections had been on Tuesday mornings when I had to work or Friday mornings during my Comp Lit class. It wasn't going to work. I shook my lowered head.

"I can't fit anything else in, Mr. Cullen. All the sections that worked with my schedule were closed. I'm sorry."

"I may be able to convince someone to let you in," he muttered.

There was a long silence and I continued to study my hiking boots. He leaned forward so his head was just inches from mine.

"You didn't tell your friends anything, did you?" It was more a statement than a question. I shook my head.

"I told them that we didn't sleep together, and I didn't tell them you're my teacher." He released a deep breath of relief. Even though I couldn't see his face I could feel his closeness like an electrical charge. I felt as if my very skin was reaching out towards him.

"Thank you," he said, so softly it was nearly inaudible.

"They know that you know I'm… Tanya." I couldn't help the way the name twisted in my mouth. How could something so easy go so very wrong?

"Yes." His warm breath stroked my throat and I shivered. His head was down, right beside mine, our cheeks nearly touching. I wanted to close that distance, but I resisted. I didn't think he would appreciate it if I touched him.

"You can trust me, you know," I said. He didn't say anything to that, just sighed again. Part of me wished he would back away so the temptation to touch him would be gone. We sat close, just breathing for a long moment.

"Please look at me," he said. I looked up right into those electric green eyes. My breathing stopped completely. I was frozen. He licked his lips and my eyes followed his tongue hungrily.

"I trust you." His words unlocked me and I took a jerky breath.

"Did you tell anyone?" I asked.

"No. Our secret." His voice was husky.

"Did you mean what you said?" I asked so softly I wasn't sure he would even hear me.

"Did I mean what?" he whispered. I was having a hard time concentrating. He was so close to me I could smell the warm, manly smell of him.

"You said…you called me … beautiful."

Abruptly Edward leaned away from me. I was startled, worried I had overstepped the boundary he was trying to construct, but a moment later a man in a lab coat walked in. Maybe Edward was psychic, how else had he known there was someone coming?

"Hello, James," Edward acknowledged the newcomer. He seemed perfectly composed. I was trying to control my breathing but Edward looked totally calm. I was a wreck when he was near and he seemed so cool. Obviously the electric current I thought flowed between us was all in my head, because he wasn't affected by my presence at all.

"Hey Edward," the newcomer acknowledged Edward as he sat at the other desk in the office. He looked curiously at me then turned back to Edward.

"Do you have that presentation ready for this afternoon's meeting?" James asked. "Banner wants it done before we fly to Phoenix tomorrow."

Edward sighed. "It's nearly finished, James." He turned back to me. "I appreciate your honesty, Miss Swan, and I will consider your situation. Are there any other question you have for me?"

"Um, no, I suppose nothing that can't wait."

"Alright, then. I'll see you in class Monday." I'd see him a whole lot sooner but I couldn't say that now in front of another person. Edward turned back to his laptop as I scooped up my knapsack and headed out. I glanced back as I went out the door. Edward was already bent over his computer but James was watching me with a strangely feral smile.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

EPOV

Bella was making me crazy. Although I knew it was the right thing to have done, I couldn't believe I'd had her in my arms, my lips on hers, and I had walked away. That kiss was haunting me now, as I sat in my office with her in front of me. Looking at her, every moment I had with her, either as Tanya or as herself, was replaying in my head.

It was a relief to see Bella come into my office. It was as if I had been holding my breath since Monday and only now could breathe again. I immediately felt lighter when she was there. She looked earthy and wholesome in her loose Henley sweater and a long denim skirt, her face clean and fresh. Her long hair was pulled back in a loose bun. I tried not to stare.

"I wanted to ask you to consider changing to another section of the lab, Miss Swan."

There were six different sections of Bio 101 lab, wasn't there one that she could take besides mine? If she were no longer in my class I wouldn't be tortured. Perhaps I wouldn't be obsessed with her any longer once she wasn't the forbidden fruit, but there wouldn't be any danger from dating her either.

She looked down and her shoulders sagged. She slowly shook her lowered head.

"I can't fit anything else in, Mr. Cullen. All the sections that worked with my schedule were closed. I'm sorry."

"I may be able to convince someone to let you in," I muttered. What had made her so sad? What had I said that was so awful? Surely she could see that once she wasn't in my class there would be no more risk.

There was a long silence and she continued to look down. I leaned forward just to be closer to her.

"You didn't tell your friends anything, did you?" Even though I had spent the past three days sure that the dean would show up any minute and tell me I was expelled, I began to believe Bella's claim that she would tell no one. Apparently not even her friends knew.

"I told them that we didn't sleep together and I didn't tell them you're my teacher." What a strange girl. Jessica had blabbed about me to anyone and everyone. I leaned closer still, looking at the way a wisp of her hair laid against the curve of her neck. If only I could touch her hair.

"Thank you," I said. It wasn't enough. I wanted to say so much more, but there were no words that would fit the sensation without frightening her off.

"They know that you know I'm… Tanya." Her voice was bitter. Perhaps she regretted the whole thing now. What would have happened if I hadn't realized? Would she have taken me to bed again? I would have gone. I wanted her now, even with the danger.

"Yes." She shivered, as if she knew what I was thinking, what I was really saying yes to. My face was so close to hers I could smell her strawberry shampoo. Such an innocent, girl smell, but it made my head spin.

"You can trust me, you know," she said. I wanted so badly to trust her, to trust myself with her. I couldn't speak, afraid I would tell her I wanted to fuck her, right here, right now. I wanted to sink my dick into her and pound her until she screamed. I had to close my eyes and concentrate on her steady breathing until I felt under control enough to look at her. When I raised my head though, her eyes were still hidden from me.

"Please look at me," I said. I wanted to see her eyes, see the truth of her words in that open expression. She looked up and froze like a rabbit staring into the eyes of the hunter. I licked my dry lips. She looked so vulnerable I felt like I should be reassuring her, not the other way around.

"I trust you." She gasped as though she had been holding her breath.

"Did you tell anyone?" she asked. I studied her as if I could pull the truth straight out of her head.

"No. Our secret." If she could keep this a secret, so could I. It was more necessary for me than for her.

"Did you mean what you said?" she asked, her voice barely audible.

"Did I mean what?" I whispered. I leaned closer.

"You said…you called me … beautiful." Her voice caught with emotion. I was nearly overcome by the urge to kiss her, to take away the sadness in her face, to show her how beautiful she really was to me, but I heard James' quick step down the hall. So I leaned away and put on a good show for James. Bella stumbled away from me with her eyes wide and gentle.

Of all the times for James to show up, he interrupted just as she asked what had to be the hardest question for her to ask me. She was so much more than beautiful.

Before Bella's footsteps had entirely faded down the hall, James swiveled in his chair to face me. I tried to ignore him and act casual. I pretended it had been any other student coming to my office. Out of the corner of my eye I could see James' wide grin.

"Mmm-mm! Fucking hell, Edward, why do you get all the hot girls in your class?" He shook his head and leaned back. I tried to ignore him. He wasn't going to be dissuaded. "Did you see the ass on her? And that hair! I'd love to wrap my hands in that hair…"

"I don't think of my students that way, James, and neither should you." It's a good thing I have a practiced poker face, because that's exactly what I had been thinking. If he hadn't walked in I would have had my lips on hers.

"Shit, Edward, she's not _my_ student, I can think about her any way I like. So should you. Did you not see the way she was looking at you?" He laughed and it made my hair stand on end. I had been trying not to think about how she looked at me. "She was making the big Bambi-eyes at you, man. It wouldn't take much for you to tap that fine ass."

"Ugh, James, could you be any more vulgar? Besides, aren't you still dating Victoria?"

"Fuck that, Victoria wouldn't mind. She might want to fuck her, too." I didn't doubt it; Victoria was a skanky, kinky piece of work. She and James were made for each other. This conversation was going far into territory I was trying to avoid. Putting Bella and fucking in the same conversation was making it harder for me to concentrate.

"Can it, James. Don't you have something you're supposed to be working on for our trip?"

"I thought you'd like the idea of a little girl-on-girl action, man. Two hot women, rolling around naked…"

"Working here." The idea of Bella rolling around naked was arousing but adding Victoria into that image damped my excitement. James stood up.

"Cut the prude act, Edward, Victoria's already told me you're a horny bastard." With that, James left the office, whistling tunelessly. I returned to my graphs.

XXXXX

After the meeting in Banner's office I headed home to pack for the conference in Phoenix. All the research materials and presentation materials were on my laptop and I had given Banner a memory card with the back-up just in case of an emergency. As I got home, I saw Emmett out in the backyard, moving our meager deck furniture around. I didn't bother him, just headed straight to my room to pack. I threw my small duffel on the bed and began to pick out my clothes for the next two days. I just needed a couple of changes of clothes and that something to read on the plane. If I got done quickly I might have time for a run before dinner. Maybe I would take my new route past La Bella Italia and Bella's apartment. I wouldn't knock, just run by …

I was about half-way packed when I heard a knock on the door. I wasn't sure if Em heard it, so I answered. There stood Bella holding two Hawaiian printed Trader Joe's bags. I just stared at her, unable to believe she was at my front door. It was like some ridiculous wish-fulfillment. Maybe the stress was making me lose touch with reality. Certainly this wasn't real.

I gaped for a long moment, trying to understand this before I realized Rosalie was standing beside Bella with two bottles of wine.

"What…?" was as much as I got out before Rosalie walked in.

"Hi, Edward. Where's Emmett?" I blinked, stunned by her abruptness.

"He's in the back. What are you doing here?"

She pushed the wine into my hands and stalked off to the kitchen. "We're making you dinner," she said over her shoulder.

I gaped after her for a moment, then shut my mouth and slowly turned to Bella, who was still standing on the doorstep with a shy smile.

"Sorry, Rosalie is always like that," she said apologetically.

"You can't be here," I hissed urgently, looking to where Rosalie had vanished to the kitchen, hoping she was out of hearing range.

"Actually, there is no rule against our socializing outside of class, as long as it is neither romantic nor sexual," Bella stated calmly, as if she was reciting it from a book, "unless you don't want me here…"

"No, I mean, yes, I want you here, but …" I scowled. I wanted her here. I turned over her words. Well that was a new wrinkle. I had never looked it up, too traumatized by the story from my first semester of another grad student caught with his dick in the mouth of his student. He'd ended up expelled, fined, and charged with civil rights crimes. I'd just assumed that all contact was forbidden.

"Can I come in? These are getting heavy."

"Oh! I'm sorry." I took one bag from her, juggling the two wine bottles in my other hand, and led Bella past my piano in the cramped living room to the kitchen. Rosalie had already gone out the back door to join Emmett on the deck. I could see them locked together at the lips. I turned back to Bella.

"So … is Rosalie really making dinner?"

"No, I'm making dinner. She is _supervising_."

"What are we having?"

"Chicken Parmesan."

She set down her bag and began unpacking it: cans of Marinara, balsamic vinegar, salad, mozzarella, feta, and asiago cheeses. I looked in my bag and found raw chicken breasts, baguettes, and a chocolate torte.

"So, why are you making dinner?" My shock was wearing off and besides the pleasure of seeing Bella was the terror of having her in my house, of trying to keep my hands off of her.

"Well, Rosalie thinks we need more _encouragement_," she said and I could see the flush rising up her neck as she fished a bottle of dressing out of the bag.

"What? What kind of encouragement?"

"Well, since she doesn't know about our _relationship_, and I told her we didn't sleep together, she thinks that bringing us together more will get us… together more," she sighed. Her cheeks were now bright red.

What a tangled situation! I laughed dryly and leaned my hands against the counter. Bella was looking at me from behind the curtain of her hair, a wry smile on her lips. I smiled back at her and she looked away.

"Won't that interfere with the non-romantic socializing rule? I guess since we're not telling about our connection, we can't be surprised. Hoist on my own petard," I said, still smiling.

"Hamlet," she muttered. More loudly, she asked, "I need a baking dish, a pot to boil water, and a large sauté pan."

"No problem. Make yourself at home." I turned away and began rummaging through cabinets, putting the pots on the stove. She began opening drawers and found the can opener. I put the colander in the sink for her. I put the torte in the fridge and rummaged around for the corkscrew. I opened the bottle of Barefoot Zinfandel and poured two glasses. I set one down by Bella and she nodded as she heated oil in the sauté pan.

Emmett poked his head in the backdoor.

"By the way, Edward, Rosalie and Bella are making dinner for us tonight," he laughed.

"I noticed," I said, waving at the chaos of Bella's cooking. For once, I was glad I keep the kitchen clean. She seemed like the kind of woman who would be repulsed by the typical bachelor sludge.

I sipped my wine and watched her cook.

"Can I do anything to help?" I offered. I preferred watching her, the graceful way she moved around the kitchen. She seemed in her element. But I really should finish up my packing.

"Nope, I've got it."

"Okay. I'll be right back, I have to finish packing."

"Oh? You're going on a trip?"

"A biology conference in Phoenix. The whole research team is going."

"That's right; I forgot Dr. Banner said we're having a grad student teach the class on Friday."

I excused myself and went back to my room to finish my packing and maybe hyperventilate a little. Having Bella there with Rosalie and Emmett watching and trying to play matchmakers was a nightmare. A beautiful, erotic, desirable fucking nightmare. Maybe I could fake a reason to get out of the house tonight. Tell them I had a last minute meeting or was coming down with Ebola or something. Perhaps I should stay and make sure that Rosalie and Emmett didn't put two and two together and figure things out. I wanted to stay, to sit across the table from Bella and pretend we were having a normal dinner, that she could be my date. It was a pretty fantasy.

I headed to the living room stereo and put on Yael Naim, sweet and mellow. I set it to repeat and her gentle voice filled the room as Rosalie and Emmett came into the living room and sat down with their wine glasses. Rosalie stretched her long legs out and tangled them in Emmett's. He stroked her thigh and smiled at her. Afraid they might start making out, I fled back to the kitchen.

I fetched plates and silverware as Bella was layering the chicken, sauce, and cheese. Seemingly without thinking she offered me a taste of the sauce on her fingertip.

I paused a moment and then licked the marinara off her finger, looking her in the eye.

"Delicious." She blushed and turned back to the stove.

"I use the T.J. sauce, but I dress it up with balsamic, basil, other stuff…" she said softly. Then her tone changed and she was all business. She directed me to toss the salad and open the second bottle of wine I had set on the dining room table. With minimal directions, we worked together in the kitchen. I was surprised at how easily she gave direction, how easily I followed. I felt so comfortable with her, as though we had done this many times. Once though I brushed against her arm by accident, and the thrill I felt course through me reminded me that this wasn't an old and familiar routine. When she leaned over the boiling pot of pasta, I took advantage to lean in over her and inhale the scent of her hair. She straightened up abruptly and her head connected with my chin with an audible _thunk_. I stepped back rubbing my jaw and she turned to give me a rueful smile, rubbing the back of her head.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were so close to me," she said.

"No problem, I should have known better," I replied, thinking back to two weeks earlier in class, when I had scared her into bumping me with her head.

"Well, know better now, or be boiled alive," she laughed, though I thought I saw some chagrin in her face. She hoisted the large pot and walked it to the sink to drain the water.

I poked my head into the living room to see Emmett and Rosalie talking. Their heads were almost touching and her hand was wrapped around the back of his neck.

"Dinner is almost ready, guys," I called. They straightened, but kept their eyes on each other.

Dinner was amazing. I like to think I'm a decent cook, and Emmett never complains about my meals, but I was surprised at how good this was. I would never have expected it. When I complimented Bella, she just smiled sweetly.

Rosalie laughed and said, "Bella has many talents, Edward."

For once, I found myself blushing as I turned back to my meal. We didn't talk much as we ate but I tried to keep the conversation focused on Bella. Rosalie seemed to go with that plan, talking up Bella's assets, and Emmett was too focused on eating to add much other than the occasional sexual innuendo. I didn't want Rosalie knowing too much about me. But even more I found myself fascinated by her answers, and by the way she spoke about things that excited her. I found myself mentally tabulating her answers, her likes and dislikes. I shouldn't want to know more about her, but I did. I enjoyed listening to her.

I asked Bella about her life growing up in Forks.

"Rainy," she laughed. "Seattle is an improvement and it hardly ever is sunny two days in a row. And Forks is small, everyone knows everyone else's business."

When I asked about writing she poked her food and considered a moment. "I just love to write but I don't know what to write about. I don't feel like my life has been very exciting so far."

Rosalie coughed something that sounded like "Jake." Bella scowled at her.

"I don't really want to write about that, I feel stupid enough as it is." I gave her a curious look but she changed the subject.

"Is this the Britney Spears song?" she asked, her chocolate eyes getting wide. I listened for a moment to Yael Naim's gentle, sweet cover of Toxic.

_With the taste of your lips, I'm on a ride, _

_You're toxic, I'm slipping under,_

_With a taste of your poison, paradise,_

_I'm addicted to you, _

_Don't you know that you're toxic? _

_And I love what you do, _

_But you know that you're toxic_.

"Yes,"

"I like this version; I think it's much more … sensual."

Rosalie smirked and Emmett laughed as Bella turned red. I leaped up and cleared the plates and started the coffee pot. Bella met me in the kitchen and we got out dessert plates. She cut the torte while I held the plates out for servings.

The dessert conversation turned to Emmett and Rosalie. Mostly they talked shop. She had interned in his office last summer. I was surprised, since I didn't recall him dating her then. I couldn't imagine Emmett not trying to get a woman as beautiful as Rosalie to go out with him but that detail didn't come up. They were laughing about on of the marketing firm's older partners and his habit of torturing the girl who brought donuts with his bizarre requests. I pushed back from the table and excused myself. I grabbed a hooded sweatshirt as I went out the back door onto the deck. The weather, which had been unusually mild, was cool and misty. At least it wasn't raining. I leaned my arms on the deck railing and sighed.

I heard a noise behind me and smelled her strawberry shampoo. I didn't turn around, just kept looking out at the dark backyard.

"I meant what I said. You really are very beautiful."

She sighed and came to stand beside me, her arm touching mine.

"It's funny. Other people have said I was beautiful, but I never really believed it."

"Why not?"

"Well, the people saying it - my mom and dad, my boyfriend, well, my ex-boyfriend – they have to say that kind of stuff, like they're obligated." She picked at the nails of her left hand. "I don't know why it meant more for you to say it."

I shook my head and muttered, "Fucking ridiculous."

"No, not really. I mean, what's to look at here? I'm very average-looking."

"You are hardly average, Bella." I wanted to say, _look what you do to me_. No normal woman has ever gotten to me like this, flirting with the undergrad secretary to get Bella's records, jogging or walking past her apartment or workplace every day, but I bit my tongue. No sense in scaring her off with my obsessive stalker tendencies. She just shrugged and blushed a little. I wanted to touch that blush but I kept my hands on the deck rail.

"I really enjoyed our _socializing_ this evening but I still wish you would take a different lab," I said.

Bella was quiet for a moment. "Are you that desperate to get rid of me?" She laughed, but it sounded brittle.

"You think I'm trying to get rid of you?" I barked a laugh. She could be so ludicrous. As if I wanted to get away from her, as if I could manage to do it. I couldn't do it now.

"Aren't you? Isn't that what this is all about? Getting away from me?"

"Don't be absurd. If you weren't in my class then I could ask you out. We wouldn't have to hide anything." I turned to her. "If you weren't my student, I wouldn't have to stay away from you."

She just stared at me with her wide chocolate eyes. She hadn't put on her sweater and her thin frame was trembling.

"Would you?"

"Would I what?"

"Would you ask me out?"

"Yes." How silly. I had spent the past few days fantasizing about her, not only in bed but just her. How she looked biting into that apple at lunch, as I watched her across the food court. How she blushed when Mike held her arm in class. How angry it had made me to see him touching her, clumsily trying to feel her up. At least Mike wouldn't be doing that again soon, not where I might see him

She shivered again and without thinking I lifted my arm and wrapped it around her, drawing her against my body. I opened my hoodie to tuck it around her. Her fragile body slowly warmed up. I was hyper-aware of the delicate bones of her back, of her round ass pressing against my thighs, of her fragrant hair just inches from my face. Gradually the shivers subsided and she relaxed into my chest. I hummed softly.

"Are you sure you should be doing this?" Bella asked faintly.

"Do you want me to stop?" I murmured into her hair.

"No, I just wondered if this might be considered romantic or sexual…"

"Neither, it's just a friend warming up another friend. We can be friends, right?" I wasn't feeling very friendly, but I wasn't groping her either. She didn't move.

"I guess so. There's no rule against friends." She leaned her head back. I would have gladly stayed that way all night but a sting of cold on my face brought me back to reality. The mist was turning into rain.

"Well, friend, why don't you come inside and get warm while I clean up from that excellent dinner you made." I didn't know if friend was good enough, but it would have to do. For now.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Bad Girlfriend

EPOV

It was a great dream.

Sometimes I have amazingly vivid dreams, the kind of dreams that, although I know on some level that I'm dreaming, are so real I can touch and taste and smell them. Almost like a vision rather than a dream. This was one of those dreams.

I was dreaming that, instead of the friendly hug and kiss on the cheek goodbye after the amazing dinner party, Bella was in my room. I was lying on the white comforter of my bed wearing only my boxer briefs. She stood in the middle of the room and smiled at me. She peeled off the thin blue blouse she had been wearing. No bra. Her breasts were round and high and perfect, the nipples small and pink. Her hands ghosted over her breasts and down her belly. She unbuttoned her skirt and it slid to the floor. She already had her hiking boots off and she gracefully stepped out of the pool of her skirt. No underwear. The dark triangle of her pubic hair stood out starkly against her pale skin.

"I want you, Bella," I said. She was so beautiful, ivory skin, long brown hair, warm dark eyes looking at me, looking through me. I wanted Bella so badly my erection was nearly painful and she was presenting herself to me. I've never been good at self-denial when it comes to sex, and but this was somehow stronger. I felt no dread, no hesitation, just pure desire for the lovely creature in my room. I held out my hand and Bella reached out and took it.

I pulled Bella onto my chest and ran my hands down her back, reveling in the feel of her warm skin. Her breasts pressed into my chest and her hair fell over her shoulder and tickled my collarbone. Bella's little hands moved over my arms, down my ribs, and one hand snaked between us to pinch my nipple, hard.

"Oh, fuck yes," I groaned and cupped her ass. Her mouth was on mine, and I forced her lips open and plunged my tongue between them. She moaned against me and began moving her hips. I wanted to be inside her. The only thing between us was the thin fabric of my boxer briefs. I could feel the heat between her legs along the top of my cock and each movement of her hips stroked me. I felt very nearly inside her. I gripped her hips tighter to mine and moved my hips against hers. So close. I wanted to be closer.

I knew it was a dream, yet she felt so real. Her hair was tickling my neck and her weight was pressing into me. I could smell her, she smelled like fucking and flowers and … cigarettes? Just as consciousness began to seep around the edges of my dream, Bella spoke.

"Damn, Eddie, you even fuck in your sleep?"

That wasn't Bella's voice. I snapped awake.

I was in my hotel room in Phoenix, the room I was sharing with James, with a naked Victoria lying on me, her legs straddling my hips. As my eyes opened and focused on her face, James said, "Man! I didn't believe what Victoria said about you, but she was right!" He was sprawled across my bed beside me, wearing only ratty jeans.

"Get off!" I tried to push Victoria off of me but she tightened her knees around my hips and her arms wrapped around my neck. Her hips ground more tightly against my rock hard erection. I was afraid I would hurt her if I pushed harder. James reached out and put his hand on her back.

"Aw, Edward, don't be like that. I'm just trying to help you out," she giggled in her little girl voice that always grated on my nerves.

"I don't need help from you, Victoria," I snarled. The unreality of finding Victoria on top of me and James in my bed was beginning to sink in and I was feeling utter repulsion. Even though it was Victoria rather than Bella welded to my body, I was not going limp like I would prefer.

"Of course not. Would you rather be on top?" She affected an innocent tone, but nothing about Victoria could ever be considered innocent. "Or are you just a bathroom kind of guy? I'm sure we could use the dresser."

"I don't want you, Victoria," I grated out through clenched teeth.

She tsked. "Don't lie to me, Edward; you're hard as a rock here."

"Not for you."

"Then for who, Edward," asked James. He leaned in and I could feel his breath on my cheek. "Is it for me? Do you want _me_ to fuck you? That might explain things about you." He and Victoria laughed and I realized they were drunk, maybe stoned too. I didn't know what they were high on; I didn't pay enough attention to their drug choices, and was too scared of losing control to try anything besides the odd joint. Not as if either of them needed to be fucked up to be crude and horny.

James' hand slid off Victoria and came to rest on my bare hip. "Is that the real reason you're not going to bone that sweet little Bambi-eyed co-ed you had in your office yesterday? You secretly like cock? I don't mind, I like boys, too."

"Oh, James, Eddie likes pussy just fine," Victoria purred, "I had him in the Dean's powder room and he was plenty enthusiastic for my pussy that time. Isn't that right, Eddie?"

I'd reached my upper limit of revulsion and horror for the evening. To hell with hurting Victoria. With a convulsive movement of my hips I bucked Victoria off of me. She had to let go of me to keep from being hurled to the floor as I leaped out of the bed. I stood there, shaking with anger, and the two of them laughed.

"Yes, Victoria, before I learned that you're the departmental welcoming committee," I said sourly. I didn't like remembering how I had nervously gotten drunk at a departmental party my first week of graduate school and been lured into the bathroom by a horny and curious Victoria. She had growled like an animal when I fucked her. After that ride I had gotten tested repeatedly and was very grateful I hadn't caught anything. Ever since Victoria, I had been very conscientious about condom use.

I jerked on the jeans I had been wearing earlier, and my t-shirt. Better to have clothes on around these two. I didn't bother looking for my shoes. Victoria climbed to her knees on the bed and reached out to touch my chest. Her eyes were dark and angry.

"Come on, Edward, we won't bite," chuckled James. "You can just do Victoria, I won't touch."

I took a deep breath. My brain was finally waking up, too. As utterly disgusted as I was, I couldn't afford to antagonize James and Victoria. Banner had a thing for Victoria, and he and James were thick as thieves. Probably because James' nose was so far up Banner's ass.

"Guys, you just can't wake me up that way." I tried to sound easy-going about it but my brain was twisting in on itself. Victoria smiled up at me. Her eyes remained dark and annoyed.

"Sorry, Edward, but you were moaning and tossing in your sleep, and you were pitching a circus tent …" She smiled over at James and shrugged. Then she looked at me again. "We just wanted to play."

"I'm sorry, I don't play that way. Maybe next time you should ask, let me wake up before you try to take advantage of me." I ran my hands through my hair and rubbed my scalp as if I could scratch this whole incident out of my head.

"I'll just sleep in your room, Victoria, if you don't mind."

"With Jane? She'll rip your throat out, Edward."

"Maybe. Just give me your room key."

Victoria pulled her key card out of her purse on the nightstand and handed it to me.

"If you change your mind, you just come on back."

"Right." I looked over at James and his eyes were cold and angry. This little game had been Victoria's idea, I realized, and he had gone along. He didn't like Victoria's continuing interest in me, her invitation. Despite his words earlier, he didn't really want me around. I filed this epiphany away to consider in more depth when I was fully awake.

I headed next door.

The room was dark but by a sliver of light from the window I could see that Jane was curled up on her side in the bed furthest from the door. She was very tiny, and it was not a big lump in the covers, but she scared me anyway. I made sure to be as quiet as I could while sliding into the other bed. I didn't bother pulling off my clothes, just in case Victoria came looking for me.

I fell asleep almost immediately. I did not dream.

XXXXX

"What the _fuck _are you doing in my room?"

I had never before heard Jane swear, so even though her tone was even and calm, I knew she was pissed off. I didn't move or open my eyes. I didn't want to know what Jane slept in. I didn't dislike her, I just really didn't get her. Jane was more like a robot than a real person.

"Victoria and James woke me up…so I decided I would get more sleep in here …" It came out sounding like a question.

Jane huffed. Even with my eyes shut I knew her lips were pressed in a flat line and her eyes were narrowed. She was probably trying to decide if she should kill me now or draw out the torture a bit longer. I cracked one eye open to see if she was holding a weapon. She was glaring but I thought I saw humor in her face.

"James and Victoria are really noisy," she said, and turned away. I breathed in relief. She wouldn't kill me this time at least. That was something. Maybe I could even talk to her about the favor I needed from her. I stretched and sat up.

"Jane, I have a favor to ask," I started.

"Other than sleeping in my room?" She started rummaging in the dresser drawers, pulling out clothes.

"Yes, other than that. I have a student who has a scheduling conflict, and although I know your class is full I was hoping you could fit her in." I had spent some time looking at the lab schedule and realized that Jane's Friday 11 am lab was the only one that would work. Dmitri had two labs, but he and I were not on good terms, and I didn't want to ask Victoria for any favors, especially after last night. Jane it would have to be.

Jane sighed. "You know how I feel about adding students after the first week. They usually fall behind, they aren't serious…"

"She's not behind, she's gotten A's on all the assignments. I wouldn't ask for her if I didn't think she were worth the effort." So worth it, I thought, that I'm dreaming about her.

"You'll owe me, Cullen."

"Yes, I understand. Can I start by treating you to breakfast?"

"No, our breakfasts are comped."

"I know. It was a joke."

"I'm sorry, Cullen, I don't do jokes before caffeine." Jane didn't really do jokes at all, but I wasn't going to point that out.

"Thanks again, Jane."

She just harrumphed. I sighed and snuck back to my room for a shower and change.

XXXXX

I slipped out of the afternoon wine and cheese mixer and stood in an alcove off the hallway. I pulled Bella's number up on the cell phone and called.

"Edward?" she answered. "Are you back?" Again, that feeling of relief, as if I had been holding my breath since I saw her last.

"Bella." I sighed. "No, I'm still in Phoenix. I just wanted to talk to you. Are you free to talk?"

"Yes, I can talk."

"I talked to Jane and she agreed to let you into her to Friday 11 am lab, if you are interested. I think that will work with your schedule."

There was silence. "Bella? Are you there?"

"How… how do you know what will work with my schedule?" Damn. I hadn't asked her what her schedule was and I hadn't told her that I conned it out of the undergrad secretary. I shouldn't know. Time for my poker face. Or poker voice, rather.

"I just assumed, since you have my lab at 11 on Monday, that you would be free at the same time on Friday. Did I get that wrong?"

"No, it will work."

"Good. We'll get the paperwork started on Monday and you should be switched over by the end of the week."

There was a long silence again. I wished I could see her to get an idea what might be going on in that beautiful head of hers.

"Bella?" I asked softly. "Can I take you to dinner on Saturday? When I get back?"

"Yes, I'd like that."

"Good, then I'll come to your place at 6:30."

"Okay, I'll see you then." I wanted to tell her how much I missed her but I thought that was too much. I didn't want to scare her off, especially after my near slip on her schedule. I said good bye and closed my phone. For a moment I just stood there, in the dim cubby. When I stepped out I nearly ran down James as he was coming down the hall.

"Hey, James," I said.

"Hey, man, what are you doing back here? You have to come and talk to Dr. Aro. He was talking about you."

Dr. Aro was visiting the conference from Italy, from his lab near Rome. He was a premier sex researcher and had been very excited about Banner's project. I left James near the bar where Victoria was talking up the scientist from Texas, and headed to where I could see Dr. Aro. Tall, lean, and perpetually smiling with a long black pony-tail, he stood out in this crowd. I picked up a glass of wine from a waiter as I made my way towards him.

When I reached him and shook his hand his smile broadened as if I was the only person he wanted to see here. I'd met him briefly before, Banner had introduced us after our morning presentation.

"Mr. Cullen," he said in his raspy and heavily accented voice, "it is so nice to finally talk with you. Dr. Banner talks about you all the time, he is very fond of you."

Not as fond as he is of James, I thought, but out loud I said, "Thank you for the compliment, I enjoy being part of a great team." Rah-rah, support the project, whatever.

"Yes, a great team." Dr. Aro looked at me sharply. "I'd really like for you to come and work with me, I think your abstract on the genetic possibilities of sex research has some merit, I'd like to see you follow up on it." I wondered how he had seen my abstract; it had only gotten approved last month. It shouldn't really be outside the department until I had my project done.

"Ah, thanks, but I am not finished with my doctorate, and until I am I would rather not…"

"Oh, I'm not suggesting anything to take you away permanently, perhaps just for the rest of the semester, perhaps for the summer. Spend the summer in Italy…" he drifted off.

For a moment I was really tempted. I loved Italy, the food, the art, the women… but when I thought of Italian women the only thing that came to mind was long brown hair and chocolate eyes and ivory skin. I barely knew the woman, and I was hesitating over a trip to Italy because of her? I really was insane. But the thought of leaving her behind while I trotted off to Italy was unbearable.

"I'm honored you would invite me, Dr. Aro. I'll have to think about it."

His eyes flicked over me, still amused and friendly. I noticed they rested on my left hand, holding the wineglass and bare of rings, for a moment. "You are not married. Perhaps a partner you do not wish to leave behind? We can accommodate him or her."

He thinks I'm gay? Maybe I should wear dirtier clothes to these things, like James. I glanced over at James where he was sitting and drinking something amber and definitely not wine. He was staring at me. I turned quickly back to Dr. Aro.

"Perhaps this summer. You're very kind."

"Not at all, I think you would be an asset to our research team." The way he said it didn't sound so temporary. He handed me his card and I slipped it in my pocket.

"Have you been to Italy, Edward?"

"Um, yes, in college I went with my family once and then again on my own. I love Tuscany."

Dr. Aro and I talked about art and architecture for a short while. He was surprised I knew as much about it as I did, being a scientist. I explained that Esme is an architect and the family visit was more like a giant field trip. He laughed when I told him about our misadventures in Rome, trying to find cold medicine for Emmett, riding in a taxi to the airport, getting separated at the Tivoli fountain. He told me about the beauty of the small town where the labs were based, the festivals in the spring. He extolled the beauty of the country villa where visiting scholars lived, surrounded by hills and vineyards. I knew he was making it as attractive as possible, trying to lure me away from Seattle.

As he talked I began building a fantasy, of asking Bella to join me in Italy. Soon she wouldn't be my student, would she be interested in coming away with me? I wanted to think she would. What woman in her right mind would turn down a free trip to Italy? But would she want to go with me? The rational side said that of course she would want to go with me, Bella hadn't been subtle in her attraction, but she really didn't know me, just as I didn't know her. And maybe she wouldn't want to go with me once she knew me better.

I told myself it was a pretty fantasy, but not to put too much store in it. If Dr. Aro had asked me only a week earlier I would have gleefully been on the first plane to Rome without a second thought. How my paradigm had changed in one week.

Banner came and dragged Dr. Aro off to meet the Texas scientists and I wandered off get another glass of wine. I just wanted to get on the plane tomorrow and fly home to see Bella.


	10. Chapter 10

Don't Stand Ch 10

Sushi and Sensuality

EPOV

I knocked on Bella's apartment door at 6:30 exactly.

Bella opened the door. She was a vision in a blue blouse and long skirt, but barefoot. It was like my dream from the other night. A part of my brain wondered if she were wearing anything under her clothes. I raked my fingers through my hair and smiled at her. She smiled back and for a long time I just drank in the sight of her, fragile and gentle, staring right through me. So many things I wanted to tell her. _I missed you, I want you, I can't get you out of my head, I think I'm falling in love with you … what? Where the hell did that come from?_ I'd never been in love.

"Hi," I said. I opened my jacket to reveal the single daffodil I had tucked against my chest, between my shirt and jacket. She laughed.

"Are you some kind of flower flasher? Come in, I'm not quite ready." She stepped back and took the offered flower as I walked in.

Her apartment was much as I remembered from a week earlier. _Was it only last week? _ It felt like so much longer. Now the lamps were lit and I could really see the details. My eyes roamed the room and were immediately arrested by the painting above the bed. It was different. At first I thought that I must have misremembered it, that it was just the different light and different angle, but that wasn't it.

Bella, coming up behind me and seeing where my gaze rested, said, "I changed it after … after you found out…"

After I called her out for lying to me.

"It looks like you, now." Except for the massively pregnant belly, it was Bella. Dark hair swirling like seaweed around a wide-eyed chocolate gaze, skin as pale as bone.

"Yes," she sighed.

"I like the changes." She smiled and went to the kitchen with the daffodil I had cut from the reef of volunteers in my backyard. The stereo was on, something soft that mixed with the music seeping up from the restaurant downstairs. I could hear her rattling around and the tap running.

I walked to her bookshelf and looked at the titles on the book spines. You can tell a lot about a person by what they read. Bella's books were mostly what I would expect from a Comp Lit major: a shelf of classics, leaning heavily towards Victorian romance and horror, a great deal of theory, several anthologies of world literature, especially mythology. There was also a shelf of fairy tales: Charles Perrault and Angela Carter shared space with Harry Potter and Neil Gaiman books. Next to the Carters were several Anne Rice books, including some I recognized as being Rice's erotic fiction. The thought of Bella reading these and what I knew was in them… I ripped my mind and eyes away from the books and searched for something else to look at, something less suggestive.

"So, Edward, what did you want to do tonight?" Bella called from the kitchen. _Other than fuck you until you scream, beautiful Bella?_ Ugh, I was losing this battle.

"I thought I'd take you out to sushi. Do you like sushi?" I scanned the room for innocent distractions. Bella's apartment was fairly sparse. There were a couple of textiles hanging on the walls with Northwestern Native American designs and a few photos.

I stepped forward to study the photos. Bella was in only one of them, with Rosalie and Alice; their arms were locked around each other's waists. It looked sunny, like a bright day in the backyard. There was another photo of Alice in a strange costume and one of Rosalie in a red car. I looked back at the photo with Bella. She looked so relaxed and happy, like she had looked on Wednesday night, cooking in my kitchen. It was reassuring to think I had been seeing the real Bella. I wanted to know the real Bella.

Bella came back with the daffodil in a small clear glass vase. She put the vase on her desk and came to look at pictures with me.

"Alice and Rosalie They dragged me to San Diego for Christmas Break."

"It looks like you had a great time. You look happy," I said. Bella bit her lip but didn't look at me.

"Looks can be deceiving," she said softly. _Yes_, I thought, looking at Bella's long silky hair and wholesome outfit _I would never think she was the sex goddess who dragged me to his very apartment a week ago and …_

_Stop it,_ I told myself_. Friends, remember? Friends, for now._ I looked back to the pictures.

"This one is my dad, Charlie," she said, pointing out a photo of a man holding up a trout, "and this is my mom and step-dad."

"They look nice." _Nice? I can't even make decent conversation. _Bella didn't seem to notice my lack of conversational skills.

"They are. My parents are the best, they've always been really supportive, even…" she drifted off and sighed. I studied her face. She looked distant and sad.

"Even …?" I prompted, when I thought she might not continue.

"Even when they think I'm making bad decisions."

"Bad decisions like becoming a writer?"

"No, they think the writing is great. Well, Charlie probably thinks I'd do better to find a real career, but he would never say it. No, I make bad relationship decisions." Like me. I couldn't argue with that, I didn't think I was really the sort of guy she would be bringing home to meet the family. _This is my new boyfriend; he's my teacher and a total man-tramp._ She didn't know the half of it.

"Like me."

Bella's head whipped up to me, her eyes wide and confused.

"No, like my ex-boyfriend. Ex-fiancé. Jake."

"Oh?"

"It's a long story."

"I have time."

She just smiled and shook her head.

XXXXXXX

I poured Bella a cup of warm sake and watched while she popped an edamame case open. I was mesmerized watching her tease out the soy pods with her teeth. I had always considered sushi a sensual food but I was having a serious Tom Jones moment. I shook my head and poured my own cup full of sake.

"Tell me about Jake."

Bella froze for a moment and then looked up at me, wary.

"It's complicated, Edward."

"I'll try to follow along," I said with a smile. How bad could it be, really? I figured he must have been a jerk, maybe was cheating on her. Everyone has that kind of crap in life, right?

Bella's eyes were unfocused and I could tell she was trying to gather her thoughts. She finally sighed. Without looking at me she started talking in a flat tone. It was like a story she had memorized.

"I started dating Jake our senior year of high school, back in Forks. He was strong and good-looking and he always looked out for me. He was very protective, very sweet. He worshipped me, or at least it seemed like he did. He told me he saw how beautiful I was, even if no one else did.

"He was nice, had lots of friends, volunteered at the animal shelter, was very vocal in support of animal rights. He was a nice guy. Anyone could see that.

"We came to college together, moved in together after our first year at school. It was perfect. He wanted to get married, have a load of kids. He talked about the house we would buy, the things we would do, how I would write and raise our kids, and he would be a veterinarian, just like his dad. I was in heaven. I thought I had won a prize that such a great man wanted to marry me. I, plain boring Bella, was loved by this wonderful smart man." She smiled a little, wistfully. One hand came up to twist a lock of hair between her fingers. This wasn't what I was expecting.

The waitress brought our sushi and sashimi platters and for a little while we busied ourselves with selecting and eating. I watched her stuff an entire piece of eel skin roll in her mouth and chew slowly, trying not to choke. I watched with equal parts of amusement and sensual interest.

"It sounds very … sweet," I said. I thought every girl wanted to get married to a nice man, someone stable and loving, settle down, and have a family.

"It was sweet."

"You make it sound like sweet is a bad thing, Bella."

"Sometimes…it is."

There was silence for a few moments and we ate some more sashimi. I got her to eat a piece of octopus but she said the suckers gave her the creeps.

"How was the trip to Phoenix?" Bella asked. Speaking of creeps. I didn't want to tell her about James and Victoria. That had been bizarre and unreal.

"It was fine. I had an invitation to go visit and research with another scientific team."

"Do you think you'll go?" she asked, seeming a little alarmed and sad. Was she hoping I wouldn't go away? I hoped so.

"I haven't decided yet." I ate another piece of roll and watched Bella struggle with an extremely large roll. She wasn't the most graceful woman to be seen eating with chopsticks, but she was game, I had to give her that. And she hadn't gotten any soy sauce on herself. She tried everything and I had to admire that. She was adventurous.

I kept turning over in my mind what she said about Jake. I didn't understand her at all. I had thought the happily ever after ending was what every woman wanted. The loving handsome successful husband who would protect her and care for her and give her everything she wanted. What was wrong with Bella? Why wouldn't she want this? I couldn't hold in the curiosity any longer.

"You perplex me, Bella. You had a boyfriend who loved you, who you say was perfect, but you're not with him. Did he dump you?" I blurted out. She looked surprised, then blushed and looked at her plate again.

"No. Jake didn't dump me. I left him."

"What did he do to you? Cheat on you? Steal? Do drugs? Beat you?"

"No. He…" she sighed, "it sounds stupid to try to explain but he didn't do any of those things. He was very … loving. And I loved him, right up to the day I packed up and moved out." She looked down. Her words were coming out in a whisper now.

"Sometimes I still love him, but I know it's stupid."

Her sadness made me want to help her, comfort her.

"How can love ever be wrong?" I asked. Not as if I would know, I'd never been in love. _Until now, maybe…_

"Love is wrong when it becomes abuse."

"But you said he never beat you."

"He never beat me. He never needed to."

Bella took a deep breath and continued with her story, occasionally pausing to eat another piece of sushi while she put her thoughts together. I was mesmerized, seeing the emotions show through her chocolate eyes.

"It wasn't until Jake and I had been together awhile that I realized that things weren't right. That he wouldn't let me invite my friends over or come along when I went out with them. Rosalie was my roommate my freshman year and we met Alice at a dorm party. We were best friends but after Jake and I moved in together he didn't want them coming over. I would have to sneak off to spend time with them, or wait until he was visiting Forks for the weekend.

"Jake told me they were a bad influence. He was just trying to protect me, keep me from getting into trouble. After awhile he wouldn't even let me invite them over.

"It wasn't just my friends, either. He would find excuses to prevent me from visiting my Dad in Forks or my mom in Phoenix. I wasn't studying enough when he was around and he would go out with his friends and leave me at home to study.

"He would tell me what kinds of job I should get, and then would talk to my boss, to make sure that they were decent people, he said. He would tell me what to watch, what to wear. He would open my credit card bills to make sure I wasn't buying anything I shouldn't. He told me what TV shows I could watch, even when he wasn't around, and what I should eat. He told me what soaps to use, what kind of bras to wear.

"And sex. We had sex every day, whether I wanted it or not. I like sex, but it became a duty, like scrubbing the toilet. If I said no, he would do something to get back at me. Something subtle, like hide my truck keys, or switch my coffee to decaf, or change my computer passwords. I had to beg him to get the passwords and he wouldn't give them up unless I …gave it up. He would say I didn't really love him if I wouldn't do what he wanted. And I loved him, so I went along, no matter what it was. He was always saying 'I love you, baby, I love you.' Like he had to remind me, or remind himself." Her mouth twisted when she said that.

"I thought that was love, that these were all signs that he loved me and he was just trying to take care of me. I told myself he was protective. I was wrong."

She looked at me, her eyes horrified and angry at once. Her hair was wrapped around her fingers so tight it looked like it was cutting off circulation but she didn't seem to notice.

"Alice and Rosalie came over for my birthday last September. Jake and I had an argument earlier in the day about my wanting to spend my birthday money from Charlie on something frivolous. A trip to Hawaii or San Diego. He wanted me to put the money in our joint savings account but I just wanted to do something fun, something for myself.

"While Rosalie and Alice were there he pulled my hair and called me stupid and useless and a bunch of other names, I don't even want to think of the rest of them. He accused me of cheating on him because I hadn't screwed him that day. Alice and Rosalie dragged me out of there, crying my eyes out.

"The next day I went back with Rosalie to get my stuff and he said he was sorry but then, right in front of Rose he said that my bad behavior was why he was acting out, that I made him do it. He said if I wouldn't try to go on a trip without him he wouldn't say things like that to me. I probably would have forgiven him but I went into the bathroom and…"

Bella looked at me and smiled, but it was a sickly smile, disgusted.

"Jake had taken his picture of me out of the frame and taped it inside the toilet bowl, so he could piss on it."

I stared at her, frozen in shock.

"He did? That's disgusting," I said. She tilted her head a little and her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"That was when I saw what it was, the protecting and taking care of me. He loved me but he was afraid. And the love we'd had became twisted and sick from his fear of losing me. He was sick. And I was sick for staying and going along with it. So while Rosalie and Alice told him they would call the cops if he ever spoke to me again I packed up a couple of bags and moved out that day."

"Sweet baby Jesus," I said. I couldn't wrap my head around the story yet but I wanted so much to protect her from that kind of creep. Another part of me warned that protecting was the last thing this fragile seeming woman needed. She was stronger than I realized, maybe even stronger than she realized.

"He stayed away?"

"So far," she said with a smile, and popped a bit of sushi in her mouth. I just stared at her as she chewed and swallowed.

"Good."

"Yes." She looked up at me again, seeming to study me this time.

"You know, Edward, this is usually where my dates end. Once guys hear I have a big, angry, jealous, abusive ex-boyfriend out there they find some reason to keep away. I'll understand if you don't want to … go out again."

I snorted. "All the ghosts of abusive boyfriends past can't keep me away from you, Bella."

"No?"

"No."

"You're really different, Edward."

Well, of course I am, but I didn't think you would notice so quickly, I thought.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"You keep wanting to talk about me, you aren't telling me anything about yourself. That's a rare quality in a man. Most men just talk about themselves: their jobs, their cars, their hair." I laughed.

"You already know too much about my job and you've been in my car, and there is nothing to tell you about my hair, it has a mind of its own." I turned serious then.

"I can't help it, I like talking to you, Bella. You're different from any woman I've known before."

"Have you known a lot of woman, Edward?" she asked with a raised brow.

"Enough. Enough to know you're unusual. And I enjoy listening to you. You're fascinating. I've never wanted so much to know what a woman was thinking, to learn who she really was. Usually, as soon as I start to get to know a woman, I want nothing more than to get away."

"Maybe you're not being very selective about which women…" Bella muttered at her now empty plate.

"No, probably not."

"Are you a man-whore, Edward?" She was smiling but there was a sharp glint in Bella's eyes.

"I guess you could say that."

"It would explain Jessica. You did a fuck-and-run so fast you made her head spin." I grimaced at her description.

"Jessica is an excellent example. Her whining over trivial crap, her music playlist or the library janitor using too much floor wax, had me wanting to pull out my ears." I had done everything I could in our short time together to avoid hearing Jessica talk. Anything that would keep her mouth busy.

"Is that why you broke up with her? She was heartbroken."

I snorted. "Heartbroken. I doubt that." She hadn't loved me, she had loved fucking me.

"She talked about you for weeks. It was part of the reason I was glad to get the coffee house job, I couldn't stand listening to her whine about you any more. She was very graphic." Bella rolled her eyes.

"So you had to find out what all the fuss was about? Did I live up to the hype?"

She laughed nervously and a blush spread quickly up her neck and turned her cheeks bright red. "Yes, actually, you did." She might be blushing, but she seemed rather smug.

"That wasn't the only reason, you know."

"No?" From being difficult and a little uncomfortable, our discussion was becoming flirtatious. I was watching the way her throat moved as she swallowed a sip of sake with lust heating my groin.

"No. I told you last Sunday. I wanted you the first time I saw you. I have never felt so much desire for any man before."

"Not even for Jake?"

"No, never." Her voice was a whisper now but her eyes were burning me with their intensity.

"You can't have had much experience, Bella." Last week I had thought she must be very experienced, but the math told a different story, unless she had been unfaithful to Jake.

"No, only Jake," she muttered. She seemed embarrassed. I felt ashamed of myself; I had treated her like any other one night stand, a slut like myself.

"I'm sorry Bella, if I had known what kind of things you'd been through I wouldn't have been … so rough with you …last week." Bella looked shocked at my words.

"You think you were rough? Are you crazy, Edward? I had a wonderful night, I'm not sorry!" She didn't raise her voice but the intensity of her words made it seem that way. Her eyes were blazing.

"But you said sex was a chore, a duty. You said you only did it to keep him happy."

"Sex became a chore with Jake because it wasn't a choice anymore. It was a guilt trip. But I am not my past, Edward. I had a bad boyfriend, boo-fucking-hoo. You are here now and I enjoy every minute with you. Spending that night with you in my bed was my choice, don't you see?" I thought perhaps I did.

She leaned forward. "But now you have spoiled me for anyone else, Edward." She dropped her eyes and I let those words hang in the air, let them absorb slowly through me.

If she was saying what I thought she was saying …

I was going to hell anyway and by Monday afternoon she wouldn't be my student. She would be in Jane's class and none of this would matter.

The truth was she had spoiled me, too. I wanted her, the fantasy of Tanya and the reality of Bella in one person. I wanted all of it, all of her, everything. I could understand how her boyfriend could be so jealous, could be so protective of her that it became an absolute evil. When I had seen Mike Newton trying to get a feel of Bella's braless breast I had nearly ripped his head off. I'd have to be careful not to frighten her with jealousy, to remember that she was a person, not an object to be had. This was virgin territory for me; I had never felt protective of a woman before Bella.

I looked at our empty plates and said, my voice huskier than I intended, "Then why don't we have dessert at your place."


	11. Chapter 11 Dessert

Chapter 11

Dessert

EPOV

"Do you have anything to eat for dessert at your house?"

"Um, not unless you like pop-tarts."

"Pop-tarts? That's not even a real food is it?" I scowled.

"Then no, I have no desserts at my apartment."

"Then we need to get something." I turned the car towards Trader Joe's.

"Huh. I thought you were saying 'dessert' as a euphemism for sex, but you're serious."

"No, I meant sex, but I thought we might need something to sustain us," I smirked.

Bella laughed and it was wicked and giddy at the same time. My smirk became a full smile to hear the lightness in that laugh. I was still reeling over her story but she seemed completely at ease, as if there wasn't that darkness in her past. She had said it was in her past. She wanted to live in the present. And I was the present, here. It amazed me that she could go through something like that and come through it apparently unscarred. Amazing the way this woman's mind worked.

In the store I picked out a box of fresh strawberries and a small cheesecake. I watched Bella select a sweet white wine, pretending to pay attention while I admired the way her lips pursed as she debated which Riesling to buy.

Back at her apartment I busied myself with her stereo while she washed and cut up the strawberries and opened the wine. I chose Sneaker Pimps and Portishead, trip hop music. I made it just loud enough to be heard over the noise drifting up from the restaurant downstairs. I started adjusting the bass.

"It must be distracting to live over a restaurant. Doesn't the noise bother you?"

"Not really, I got used to it."

"How long have you lived here?"

"I got this place in November, when Rosalie and Alice got tired of my sleeping on their sofa. It's my first time living alone." A little over 4 months, then.

"It's so tiny."

"I don't have much stuff," Bella said as she came back from the kitchen with wine in glasses. I straightened up from the stereo and she handed me a glass of wine. Without speaking I set it on the shelf by the stereo and stepped in close to her. I took her wine and set it beside mine. We were so close I could smell her strawberry shampoo. She looked up at me with wide, dazed eyes. Slowly, I brought a hand to her chin and tilted her face back as I leaned in to touch my lips to hers, very softly.

Bella swayed a little and leaned into my chest. Her lips parted and I kissed her again, tasting her breath. I could taste the sake and a little saltiness from dinner along with the taste of her, sunshine and sex. I moaned faintly against her lips as the kiss deepened. My mind said to be gentle but my body wanted something different. My body wanted to roughly fuck Bella the way I had when I thought she was Tanya. I quivered trying to slow myself down.

Abruptly, her hands were in my hair and my fingers were pulling her blouse up to run roughly over her breasts. No fucking bra, again. Bella seemed to have something against them. All thoughts of gentle were gone as I felt her skin under my hands, tasted her tongue in my mouth. I licked at her tongue, her lip, and then attacked her mouth with the same fervor she was showing. I was kneading her breasts, rubbing rough thumbs over her nipples until they were hard as cherry pits. Her back arched as my fingers dug into the silky flesh of her sides. I could feel her heart beating hard and fast.

I yanked her blouse off and dropped to my knees on the floor before her. Bella pulled on my shirt, jerking it over my head. She was panting. I pulled her chest down to my mouth, sucking a nipple hard. My hands began fumbling with her skirt, and Bella helped me to work it off her hips. No underwear. My erection had become so hard it was painful, trapped in my jeans. Bella kicked her shoes off, and leaned into my hungry mouth. My hands were moving over her, feeling every inch of her from shoulders to knees. She quivered, gripping my head in her hands, and moaned into my hair.

"Yes, yes, oh yes." She chanted.

Then she slipped to the floor in front of me and was grabbing my jeans. Groaning, I unfastened my jeans and leaned back so Bella could pull them off me, taking my shoes with them. Now we were both naked and on the floor. I grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and pulled her on top of me. Her hair fell around us like a curtain and we explored each other with hands and mouths and eyes.

She began kissing down my body, her hands smoothing down my chest, over my abs and down to my groin. I gasped as her hands found my cock and gripped it. Propping myself up on my elbows, I watched as Bella smiled at me and licked the head of my cock. It jumped in her hands and I moaned as the sensation coursed through me like an electric shock. Bella's eyes danced. She was enjoying my reaction.

"You taste divine, Edward, can I have you for dessert?" she asked in a teasing tone.

"Whatever you want, Bella," I answered in a low voice.

I watched as she lowered her mouth to me and licked along the length of my cock, from my balls all the way up to the tip, and then slid her mouth over me. Using her lips, tongue and, gently, her teeth, she worked her way down, until I could feel the head of my cock pushing the back of her mouth. She made up the difference by sliding a slick hand over my cock. My hips moved to meet her as she began to set a pace, up and down, stroking and sucking. The combination of sensations and watching my dick disappear into her silky mouth was bringing me to the edge fast.

I wanted to hold off but it was too much. With stars exploding behind my eyes, I came in her mouth with a harsh cry, my hips bucking up to her. She sucked me and licked me off, and stroked my cock as it softened. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. Almost tenderly she moved up to kiss me under my chin. I lay back and wrapped my arms around her, stroking her bare back.

"Delicious," she whispered into my neck, her hands stroking my hair.

"So are you," I returned. My breathing was returning to normal and I was becoming aware of her smell again, of her strawberry shampoo and the earthy smell that was purely Bella.

I wrapped an arm around her and rolled her over so I had her pinned to the floor. Her fingers still tangled in my hair, I moved my mouth down her neck, kissing and licking her collarbone, and the little mole there, moving lower. She moaned as my lips brushed the tender skin under her breasts. My hand slid down, stroking down her hip before sliding between her legs. I could smell her arousal, and together with the warm smell of her skin, I felt intoxicated.

"Better," I murmured into her silken skin, "better than I remember."

"Yes," she sighed, as my fingers grazed her warm pussy. I let my fingers slowly explore, moving gently from her clit to slide lower, finding her slick opening. I rubbed my face against her breast. I stroked her clit, trying to be patient even as Bella's fingers clenched into my scalp painfully. Fuck patient. I bit her nipple at the same moment that I plunged two fingers inside her, and she gasped. I smiled to myself at her reaction.

"You like this?" I murmured, my lips moving to her other breast. "Do you want this, Bella?" I kissed her breast and then sucked the hard nipple into my mouth. She moaned an affirmative. I removed my fingers from her and put them in my mouth. She tasted divine. I wanted more.

"Get on the bed," I commanded, rolling off of her. Bella scrambled up onto the bed and I pulled her back to the edge so she was lying on the bed with her legs and ass hanging off. I knelt on the floor in front of her.

For a moment I just drank in the sight of Bella splayed in front of me, ivory skinned and delicate. Her hair was fanned across the bed and she watched me hungrily. My hands stroked lightly down her thighs, opening then and then sliding behind her knees, caressing the tender skin there. I smiled.

"You are so beautiful," I murmured, and lifted her knees over my shoulders as I crouched down between her legs. I lowered my face to her pussy, but I didn't touch at first, just breathed in her scent and blew out across her clit, letting her pubic hair tickle my nose. She still smelled so good, as good as the first time. Better. She moaned and her hips twisted to the side.

"No you don't," I said and grabbed her hips with my hands. She whimpered a little, but when I raised my eyes to her she was smiling with her lips slightly parted. She was good.

I let my lips brush against her clit and then opened my mouth and licked her in one long swipe from her wet, juicy core to her tense clit. She shuddered and I set a steady rhythm with her, just as she had with me, licking and nibbling, thrusting my tongue inside her. When her moans became louder I freed a hand and slid two and then three fingers into her. The sensation of her heated wetness, the silken muscles tight around my fingers, combined with the taste and smell that was so purely Bella made me moan, and Bella jumped in response. I curled my fingers up to find the rough area deep inside that I knew would bring her to climax. I pushed into it at the same moment as I sucked her clit hard into my mouth and Bella screamed as she came hard, her legs shaking over my shoulders. Her pussy contracted hard on my fingers. I moaned as my cock hardened, as if it wanted its turn.

I waited until her contractions had died off and she was loose and relaxed before I pulled back from her.

"I want you, Edward," she murmured, and I obediently moved back and sat up on my knees. Her legs were still over my shoulders and my hand rested on the mound of her pubis. "Can you…" she drifted off questioningly and I chuckled a little. I pushed my erection against the back of her thigh.

"Can I what?" I said teasingly. Her eyes widened a little.

"So quickly you forget," I said. "I don't know what it is you do to me but I could probably fuck you all night."

"Then fuck me, Edward." Her words made me feel like a red haze had fallen over my vision; I wanted her in the worst way.

I leaned over to the nightstand, pulled out one of the condoms and quickly rolled it on. For a moment I teased her, letting the tip of my cock just barely touch her wet opening but she moved her hips against me and I plunged unto her. Bella threw her head back and gasped. Her hands gripped the covers on the bed. I thrust into her roughly, again and again. She was as tight and hot as I remembered and I could feel my cock banging against the back of her womb. With each thrust she made a noise, a squeaky _ah, ah, ah_. My hands were on her hips, lifting her into me as I rode her. I had a spectacular view of her, from her bouncing, sweat-shined breasts to her pussy as my cock disappeared into her again and again. I lifted her hips more and leaned back a little and found I could sink a little deeper into her. She cried out louder and I found myself grunting with each thrust.

More, I wanted more. I dropped back to sit on my heels and brought Bella with me. She slithered off the bed into my lap and her breasts collided with my face. Holding her hips tightly, I lifted her and slammed her down, impaling her. Bella's arms wrapped around my neck and her mouth was on my forehead. I bent my head and sucked her nipple. We were rough, like two animals in heat, growling and clawing, as I worked her up and down on my shaft and she groaned and whimpered wordlessly. Bella's hands clutched my shoulders as she tried to move with me. I bit and sucked my way up from her breast to her neck. I could feel her panting into my hair, but I didn't look at her. I let myself go to the desire and lust.

Bella's panting began to sound like words, _yes, yes, yes_, and I could feel her trembling. She was close. I bit her shoulder roughly as she came, screaming loudly as I slammed into her harder still. Her muscles spasmed around my cock, and I came a moment later, jerking. We rode out the waves of orgasm and she collapsed against me. I wrapped my arms around her fragile little torso and nuzzled into the base of her neck. Her hands stroked my shoulders.

I wanted to stay like that but I knew I had to get her off me before the condom slipped. I eased her up to her feet. She was shaking like a newborn deer, all legs and big dark eyes as she watched me unbend my cramped legs and dispose of the condom. I retrieved our wineglasses and eased her down with me onto the floor. We sat cuddled together with our backs against the bed.

"I'm sorry" I said. My arm was wrapped around her shoulders and I was tracing the line of her collarbone.

"Why would you be sorry?" she sighed and stroked my thigh with her free hand.

"I marked you," I said, and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to look at it.

My teeth hadn't broken the skin, but had left a mark hat would probably bruise. There was another mark on her neck from my overanxious mouth and I worried her hips would bruise from my fingers.

"Hm. I probably should mind, but … I don't." She turned to smile up at me, our noses nearly touching.

"I want… dessert." Without warning she sprang to her feet and walked to the kitchen. I admired her naked body, the muscles moving smoothly. She returned from the kitchen with two plates and set them on the floor beside me. Cheesecake and strawberries. She made a second trip to the kitchen and returned with her wineglass and the bottle of wine.

Naked we lounged on the floor and drank wine and ate cheesecake. The noise from the restaurant faded out as the hours passed. We talked about little things, about music we liked, stories about the University, and eventually I asked her about her job at the library.

"Did you like working at the campus library?"

"I loved it!" She nearly jumped with enthusiasm. "I loved being around all the books, I loved the quiet of the stacks. The library is so old, but instead of tearing it down or building a new one, the administration just keeps adding onto it. If you've ever been into the communications wing, it's like a labyrinth, and the Life Sciences …"

She paused, embarrassed and I smiled. Of course I would have been in the Life Sciences area.

"Yes, I've noticed the Life Science section is like a dungeon. I have a grad carrel over there I sometimes use."

"Oh! Is it one of the old ones, with a door?"

"Yes, it is." It had a door with a frosted glass porthole window. Most had a half-glass door and some had barred gates instead of doors. Bella blushed furiously.

"I used to have fantasies about the carrels," she admitted. This sounded interesting. I lifted an eyebrow.

"Do tell."

"Well," she started, then paused to eat a bite of cheesecake before continuing, "I would be shelving books, moving up and down the aisles, and I would realize a man in a long coat was always nearby, moving closer with every row. Then he would come up behind me as I turned the corner near the carrels and he would push me into the carrel, and kiss me. And he would put me up on the desk of the carrel and push my skirt up and then …"

I realized I was leaning forward, getting hard again.

She licked her lips. "Then he would find I wasn't wearing any panties. He'd slide his fingers in me, maybe go down on me. He'd pull his pants off and put his hand over my mouth so I wouldn't make any noise. Then he'd fuck me senseless there in the carrel."

"Really?" My voice almost squeaked. I'd had fantasies about the library but I didn't think that the librarians might too. It sounded like she'd put a lot of thought into this. I was seeing the potential in the carrel suddenly. I filed this information away for future reference. At the moment, lacking a library carrel, I wanted to tackle her and fuck her on the floor again, but we had all night and I had more questions. I could wait.

"If you loved the library so much, why did you leave?" I busied myself finishing desert while she talked.

Bella sighed. "Paying for an apartment by myself was too expensive, I couldn't make do with the hours I had at the library. I got the coffee house job to make up the difference. I wanted to keep working at the library, too, but two part-time jobs and school was making me crazy, so I asked my boss at the coffee house if I could work more hours, and that's worked out well. The coffee gig is easier than I thought it would be. I miss the library, though."

I felt a little sad. Money had never been an issue for Emmett and me. Our parents were well off. Not wealthy, but certainly I didn't need to work my way through college and grad school. I took the teaching position for the experience more than the money. Graduate students were paid very little for teaching.

"Why did you get a place by yourself, if it's so expensive? Why not get a roommate?"

"I really wanted to live by myself this is my first time living alone, and I like it more than I thought I would."

"I can understand that. I've never lived completely alone. Sometimes it's a bit of a pain to have a roommate, especially when it's your brother." Everything that went on at our house got back to Mom and Dad eventually.

"Emmett seems nice. Rosalie really likes him."

"He likes her. I don't think I have ever seen him so into a girl."

"Well, Rosalie's not just any girl." I thought about Rosalie's overbearing manner and laughed.

"No, I can see that. Emmett needs a strong woman to keep his goofy ass in line."

"Then they're good, because Rosalie is as strong as they come. She doesn't take shit off anyone." Bella finished the last of her cheesecake and took our empty plates to the kitchen.

"That's good," I said, as Bella returned. She climbed on the bed and knelt behind me, running her hands over my shoulders.

"Mm," she said, "Sometimes it's good, sometimes not. She scares a lot of people off that way. She's so beautiful I think she had to do something to keep guys from bothering her."

Bella's fingers climbed into my hair and I leaned my head back as she massaged my scalp. My eyes closed and I just let myself enjoy the feeling of her hands on my head and neck.

"I talked Jane into accepting you into her Friday class. I can have the paperwork ready for you Monday morning; you'll just have to take it to Jane to sign, and then turn it in at the undergraduate office."

"I thought it was too late to change classes," Bella said.

"It's too late to do it without signatures, but it can be done as long as you have the signatures of both instructors."

"Oh." There was silence then, and though her hands didn't stop stroking me, I felt her movements slow.

"Is everything alright, Bella?"

"Sure," she said brightly. "I just… I'll just be sad to leave your class."

I chuckled. "Are you going to miss that wart, Mike Newton?"

"No, Edward, I'm going to miss you as my teacher. I really enjoy your class."

I turned and looked at her.

"Bella, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Either I'm your teacher or I'm your boyfriend but I can't be both." Her hands slid to my shoulders as I moved up onto my knees to fully face her. Her face flushed when I said_ boyfriend_.

"I know that, Edward. I'm just feeling greedy. I don't want to give up any part of you."

"I'm greedy too, Bella, I want everything you will give me." I leaned in and kissed her, a soft, gentle kiss, but Bella wasn't letting me get away with soft and gentle. She wrapped her arms around me and bit my lower lip. I let her pull me back onto the bed.

Her breasts were crushed against my chest, her legs wrapped around my waist. I wanted her again. I didn't know what it was about Bella, but I felt like I would never have enough of her. I wanted to devour her, to wear her like a trophy, to curl up in the hollow of her neck and sleep there. I knew in that moment that I would never have enough of her.

We made love more gently this time than earlier, I let my hands travel over her body as I thrust into her, as if I was trying to memorize her every curve and crevice. I wanted every part of her to be mine. I kissed her groaning throat and murmured in her ear _yes, Bella, I want you, all of you, cum for me, beautiful_. She clutched my shoulders tightly, digging her nails into me. I didn't care, let her mark me as I marked her. As she said, I didn't mind.

When she arched her back, I pushed up so I could watch her face as she came. Her whole body shook and her muscles tightened on me, triggering my own climax. I came hard, jerking into her deeper and deeper. She made a strangled squeal and relaxed as I collapsed on her, my weight still on my elbows so she could breathe.

"Edward," Bella panted.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Would you … like to stay here tonight?"

"Yes, Bella, I would."

Much later, curled up in her bed with her head resting on my chest, I was again struck by the sense of familiarity and rightness of being with Bella. Like I had Wednesday night with her cooking in my kitchen, I felt as if this was something we had been doing a long time. I'd never stayed the whole night with any woman before; I told women I couldn't sleep with someone else in the bed. There was no strangeness in being with Bella and that was the strangest thing of all.

I fell asleep with my face buried in Bella's wonderful hair, my arms around her delicate body, a feeling of calm in my heart.


	12. Chapter 12 Pure Morning

Chapter 12

Pure Morning

EPOV

"Edward. Edward."

I woke with a moment of disorientation. There was a warm body curled up against me. I realized it was Bella, her body trembling a little and her hands clenching on my chest. She was moaning in her sleep and I stroked her back until she seemed to calm a little. With a sigh she settled into deeper sleep. I turned on my side, tucking her into my body, and went back to sleep myself.

I woke later to find Bella gone. There was a note on the nightstand, my name scrawled across a folded piece of paper. I reached out and opened it and read,

_Edward,_

_I'm off to work. I'll see you tomorrow, I'll come pick up the paperwork before Banner's class. I'm looking forward to switching classes. Just let the door close behind you when you leave, it will latch by itself. _

_Bella_

I buried my face in her pillow and inhaled the smell of Bella. Last night was dreamlike, too perfect to be real. Her smell was real. I thought about how I had felt to have her last night, with no illusions or lies. I thought about how by Tuesday she wouldn't be my student any more. I could go out with her, walk beside her, and call her 'my girlfriend.' I thought about her being mine.

Then I thought about Italy and Dr. Aro.

Italy. It was a research opportunity I couldn't afford to ignore, but after last night, I found the idea less attractive than I might have a few weeks earlier. Not to mention my classes, both as a student and as a teacher. If I were another year or two along it might be easier to take a semester off but I would feel strange about dropping everything mid-semester. Perhaps this summer would work out better, though. Perhaps I could ask Bella to come with me. I indulged in fantasies of Bella and me, coming out of the lab at the end of the day to find her waiting for me, perhaps sitting on a tiled veranda. I imagined us travelling to Rome, perhaps sitting on the Spanish Steps or shopping in the market. Driving through Tuscany, walking through the park at the Pitti Palace in Florence…

If she would even go with me to Italy. I tried not to think about the possibility of her saying no.

I didn't want to leave Bella's bed, with her scent around me, but finally I dragged myself up and put on last night's clothes, tucking her note in my pocket. I smiled at the daffodil on her desk and left, making sure the door locked behind me. I had dressed casually for dinner, which was good. I wouldn't be too conspicuous leaving Bella's apartment in black jeans and a leather jacket at 9 on a Sunday morning.

I had things to do.

Emmett's jeep was in the driveway at our house, and his door was closed, so I just went to the desk and checked my email. I sent an email to Dr. Aro saying I would be thrilled to join him in Italy over the summer and that I hoped to bring a companion. I figured I could ask Bella later, and if she said no it would be easy enough to let Dr. Aro know I'd be alone. I checked the online teaching resources and printed a copy of the add/drop form Bella would need to switch courses, with the change codes already filled in. I signed the drop space and put it with my class papers for tomorrow. Ready. Within 48 hours the form would be processed and Bella would no longer be forbidden fruit. I started the coffee and headed into the bathroom.

I showered and dressed in clean jeans and t-shirt. With my hair still wet and bare feet I went to my piano. For awhile I just sat at it, my fingers resting lightly on the keys, before I began to play. It was after 10. Emmett was usually up by now and he never minded my playing as long as it wasn't at 3 in the morning. I hadn't asked him about his plans for last night, really hadn't talked to him much since I returned from Phoenix.

I warmed up a bit first with scales, and then I started playing one of my favorites, Debussy. As I played the tension and unsure feelings of the past week peeled away. I didn't completely understand the feelings that were running rampant in me but as I played I felt surer of myself. I felt myself falling in love with Bella, a girl so strong and vulnerable at the same time. So smart, so sensitive. So desirable. just to think about her made my mouth water. I felt as though I had always been looking for her and never even realized it. If she hadn't disguised herself and taken me home, I might not have ever gotten close enough to her, physically or emotionally, to let her into my shriveled, virgin heart.

Perhaps Bella was right and I hadn't been very selective about the women I went out with. Perhaps I had never given any of them a chance to get to know me, to touch my heart the way she had. I had no regrets about that though, now that I had Bella, or as much of her as she would give.

Of course Bella would come with me to Italy, I thought. I would wait and ask her when the time was right. I wanted her to see the opportunities for herself, not just to be dragged off and separated from her friends and family.

I let the music change and become faster, shifted into Delibes' Flower Duet. I could feel the music calming and soothing me and I let myself go with the music. I closed my eyes as I played and let the music morph into something looser, still gentle. My fingers froze above the keys when I thought I heard a thump from Emmett's room. There was another thump. I smiled and resumed playing, the Rite of Spring this time.

A minute later I heard the door to Emmett's room open. Instead of Emmett, though, it was Rosalie, wearing Emmett's green bath robe, who stalked through the living room on her way to the kitchen. I stopped playing and rested my hands on my lap.

"I'm sorry; did I wake you, Rosalie?" I couldn't see her but I could hear her rattling around the kitchen.

"Mmph," Rosalie said, banging cabinets.

"Mugs are to the left of the sink," I said.

Rosalie returned to the living room with coffee in her hands and sank onto the sofa with a contented sound. She didn't look upset at being woken by my playing. She actually seemed… blissful. I smiled to myself. It appeared Bella and I weren't the only ones with a post-coital glow this morning.

I fetched myself some coffee as Emmett emerged.

"Hey, Em, Rosalie -- how about I make some breakfast?" I pulled out a pan and mixing bowl.

"Sounds good to me," Emmett said as he poured his own coffee. "What are we having?"

"How do omelets sound?"

After I got Emmett and Rosalie's orders for mushroom, Swiss and ham omelets, I got to work cracking eggs and chopping. Emmett and Rosalie came to sit at the kitchen table while I cooked, and they immediately began to grill me about my activities since Wednesday night.

I told them about the conference, which had gone well for Banner and all of us on his team. I told them about Dr. Aro but when I got to the offer to do research in Italy Emmett interrupted.

"Banner won't like it if you leave in the middle of the semester, with you teaching his lab class and all. Not to mention you can't just up and run off on all your own classes."

"I have no intention of leaving my classes, any of them. I've decided I'll go this summer, I've already told Dr. Aro, and the offer was fairly open. It's just too good an opportunity to pass up."

"Yeah, I can see that. How long do you think you'd be there?"

"The summer and maybe the fall semester, I expect, it depends on what we get into."

"Mom and Dad might come to visit while you're there; you know how crazy Mom is for Italy."

I put our omelets on the table and we sat and started to eat. Rosalie had fallen silent with my talk about Italy, looking at her plate with her brows knitted. I wondered if she thought this meant I would be abandoning Bella.

"I was hoping Bella might like to join me for at least part of the summer," I said. Rosalie didn't look up or otherwise make any sign she heard my comment.

"That would be a sweet deal," Emmett said, "they'd let you do that?"

"Dr. Aro brought up the idea of my bringing a companion. I think the research associates get little cottages." Jane had mentioned something about the situation on the plane ride back. I glanced at Rosalie, but she seemed even tenser than before, stabbing her omelet as if she were angry with it.

I told Emmett about the whole team going out for margaritas and Mexican food on Friday night and the Saturday morning closing speeches. All in all, it had been a productive trip.

Emmett grinned. "So where did you go last night?"

"I took Bella out for dinner and dessert," I said.

Emmett waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "That must have been some dessert that you didn't roll home until the sun came up." Rosalie glared at Emmett for a moment then turned her laser stare on me. I felt abruptly worried for my safety but she leaped up and took her plate to the sink. I looked at Emmett questioningly, but he shrugged. Rosalie stood at the sink, staring out the window, and then she turned and looked at me, seeming calmer. She never took her eyes off me as she spoke.

"Hey, Emmett, Edward, maybe we should all get together downtown for an early lunch tomorrow."

"I've got class; I can't miss it," I said. Some extra sense told me I was on thin ice here but I couldn't place the danger.

"Oh, Edward, surely you can ditch one day, your teacher will understand." My mouth was suddenly dry.

Emmett chuckled. "He can't ditch, Rosalie, he _is_ the teacher! He teaches a Biology lab on Monday mornings." I mentally kicked Emmett but of course there was nothing I could do to stop the conversation without being obvious.

"Really?" Rosalie said, not sounding at all surprised. "Bella takes a Biology lab on Monday mornings; she's all hot for the grad student teaching it."

Emmett laughed. "It sounds like you have competition, Edward." I was frozen, Rosalie's angry gaze holding me frozen. Emmett stopped laughing when he saw the look passing between us. He took the scene in for a moment and then he swore under his breath.

"Edward, tell me you didn't…" he muttered.

I didn't respond. The silence between the three of us was oppressive.

"How could you be so stupid?" Emmett asked outright.

Without taking my eyes off Rosalie I answered flatly, "I didn't know."

"What about last night? You were at Bella's weren't you?" Rosalie demanded quietly.

"Yes," I said. Rosalie's nostrils flared. I clenched my teeth together.

"Well, fuck. I feel like an idiot!" Rosalie blew out a breath and looked away. "I don't know if I'm angrier with you, with her, or with myself. She should have known better. You should have known better. I should have known something was up. Bella has never moved that fast on a guy. I've been trying to get her to meet someone and relax, have some fun, and she goes and does this…

"But you! You're playing along with her insane fantasy! She told us her teacher was a total whore, and here you are, playing with her."

"I'm not…" I began but stopped, furious at her accusation. "You think I'm just going to fool around with her and dump her?"

"Aren't you?" I wasn't expecting this from Emmett.

"You're one to talk, Em. You haven't kept a girl longer than two months since junior high." He looked uncomfortable and glanced from me to Rosalie and back. It was good to see I had touched a nerve.

"This isn't about me, Edward. What are you doing? Maybe you didn't know before, but now you do. Are you going to throw away everything to get laid?"

"I'm not throwing anything away. Bella will be switching classes tomorrow, and she won't be my student, end of story." I turned back to Rosalie. "Now do I have your blessing? I'm taking care of this mess we got ourselves into. I know you don't believe me but I … I care about Bella." I stumbled over the word that resisted coming out of my mouth. "I won't hurt her."

Rosalie looked angry enough to bite through a car bumper. "You hurt her, Edward, and I'll make your _huevos_ into an Eddie testicle omelet. Understand me?"

I had no doubts about her ability to do that. She scared me.

"Completely."

She stormed out of the kitchen and I heard the bathroom door slam. When I heard the sound of the shower, I let myself breathe again. I turned to Emmett, expecting to find some sympathy, but he looked every inch as angry as Rosalie.

"What the fuck are the two of you doing?" he demanded.

"I don't know! I didn't realize who she was at the club, and then when I did realize, we said we wouldn't do it again…"

"So last night was what, Parcheesi night? You didn't come home until morning because you lost track of time while discussing the national debt?"

I dropped my head into my hands and groaned. "I can't stay away from her, Emmett, I can't. I have to get her into another class, and maybe then …"

"'Maybe then' is right, Edward! She's a great girl but until she's out of your class you shouldn't be spending the night at her place, not for any reason."

"I know."

"You could get expelled."

"I know! Do you think I haven't thought about all of this? Do you think I'm not aware of the consequences?" I jumped up and raced off to my room. I pulled on socks and shoes and a heavy sweater. He followed me.

"It's just not like you, Edward. What is going on? What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing! I don't know!" I pushed past him, grabbed my messenger bag and left.

As I stomped down the foggy street I realized Emmett and Rosalie were right. Regardless of how the situation would change in the next few days, Bella and I weren't supposed to be together now. As much as it killed me to think of wasting a single minute I could spend with Bella, I would have to wait to see her romantically again.

I walked straight into the nearly empty coffee house and shook the mist out of my hair. There she was, behind the counter. She was watching me with warmth in her eyes; as if I were the greatest surprise gift she could have been given. Delight. The fist clenched around my gut released when I saw her. The desire to lean across the counter and touch my lips to hers was almost an imperative. Almost. I stepped up to the counter.

"Hello, Miss Swan," I said, my lip involuntarily curling at the corner into a smile.

"Mr. Cullen," Bella smiled back at me and bit her lip. I looked around to make sure no one else was close enough to hear me.

"Rosalie and Emmet chewed my ass out," I said. "They're mad at both of us."

Bella dropped her eyes and nodded quickly. "They're right," she said softly. More loudly she said, "Large Columbian with a shot of espresso. Do you want a bagel today?" I nodded as she rang up my usual order. As I handed her the cash she said softly, "I can come by your office for the paperwork before I go to Banner's class. Will you be there?"

"Yes, I get there about 9." Her hand lingered on mine with my change. I felt lost in her eyes, my hand tingling where her skin touched it. The moment was broken by the sound of someone coughing. She turned to make my order. I looked around. In the corner a girl typed on a laptop, coughing softly. By the windows a couple of young guys were hunched over a chess board. No one paid any attention to me, to us. I turned back to Bella and watched her as she moved gracefully behind the counter, making my coffee, toasting my bagel. Just the way I like it.

She turned back and handed my order to me.

"Until tomorrow," she said softly.

"I'll call you tonight," I promised. She nodded and turned away.


	13. Chapter 13 Desire and Deceit

Chapter 13

Deceit and Desire

BPOV

It had been so long since I'd had anyone in my bed, sleeping, curled around me. When Edward's breathing slowed and I knew he was asleep I snuggled into his chest and basked in the afterglow of a wonderful evening.

_I can be … your boyfriend …_ I hadn't been thinking of him as a boyfriend until that word came out of his mouth. Boyfriend sounded safe, sweet, secure, but also a little smothering. If I had been asked to put a title to Edward I might have called him my lover. Did I want Edward to be my boyfriend? I knew that it was only because of Jacob and the way he had messed with my head that I even asked this question. Edward was everything I could imagine perfect to be – handsome, smart, gentle, understanding, and the wildest fucking sex I could possibly imagine. When he touched me, even just my fingers, it was as if every nerve ending in my body came tremblingly alive.

I knew that I was overanalyzing this boyfriend issue. Better to just relax and enjoy the moment. Although he assured me that once I was out of his class we could be together, some strange intuition told me it might not be that easy. I stroked his muscular chest as I fell asleep, his arm holding me tight to his side.

I dreamed that I was in the library and Edward was calling my name. I found him, sitting at a table, his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking. I called his name, and tried to touch him, but he couldn't hear me, couldn't feel me. I was like a ghost…

The next thing I knew soft music from my alarm clock was waking me. I was on my side, my bare back to Edward's strong chest. I slid out from under his arm and tucked a pillow into his body. He murmured in his sleep and snuggled deeper into the coverlet. I smiled at the beautiful man sleeping in my bed. His hair was even more disarrayed than usual, and he had the shadow of a beard on his jaw that had been there the first day of class. He looked so innocent and vulnerable, and yet so sexy. I wanted to wake him and have my way with him but I resisted. He must be tired after last night. The thought made me smile wickedly.

I showered and dressed for work, thinking about Edward the entire time. I was being selfish, taking advantage of his attraction to me to spend time with him, to get him into bed. He didn't seem to be complaining, but until I changed classes, I knew he was in danger. I was putting him in danger. It was inexcusable of me to let him continue. He was a good person, I could sense it. His concern for my feelings was sweet. The few dates I had been on after I split up with Jake had been painful and difficult. The last guy had all but bolted from the table when I told him that my ex was an abuser. One guy suggested I should be in witness relocation. But Edward had been different. He had been concerned but hadn't treated me differently. He still touched me the same way. He was still my friend.

And if I was serious about being his friend I needed to be less selfish. I could do that. I could change classes and give him peace of mind. After I was out of his class, then …

I came back in the room and watched him sleep for a moment. I quickly wrote him a note and, leaving it on the nightstand, I let myself out.

Work was boring, quiet even for a Sunday morning. Angela came by to do some homework, as usual, and we made small-talk while I made her latte.

"You look all smug today, Bella," she said. "Did you have a hot date with Jasper?"

"Jasper?" It took me a moment to realize what she was suggesting. "Oh! No, Jasper and I are just friends, but I think he asked my friend Alice out." I couldn't be sure, since Jasper didn't appear at class on Friday and I hadn't heard from him or Alice since lunch on Wednesday. Rosalie said Jasper came over to the apartment she shared with Alice on Thursday, but I hadn't talked to her since Friday, so I didn't know what was going on there.

Angela's eyes narrowed when I told her about Alice. "I could have sworn he was going to ask you out. Hm." I just shrugged. She got her latte and set up her laptop. With her iPod buds in and her computer on, she was totally engrossed.

About noon Edward came in, his eyes wild and his hair wet. I couldn't help the warmth that I felt spreading through me at the sight of him.

"Hello, Miss Swan," he said, smirking at me. My heart raced, just looking at him.

"Mr. Cullen," I smiled back. His eyes were worried as he looked over the counter to make sure no one was back there with me.

"Rosalie and Emmet chewed my ass out. They're mad at both of us," he said so softly I nearly didn't hear. I couldn't blame them. I was the bad guy here, seducing my poor teacher. I'd be mad at me too if I weren't so turned on by my victim.

"They're right," I muttered. I wondered if Rosalie would come here and bitch me out or if she would wait until she had me alone. Loudly I announced to the nearly empty coffee house, "Large Columbian with a shot of espresso. Do you want a bagel today?" I rang it up quickly and he handed me a twenty. "I can come by your office for the paperwork before I go to Banner's class. Will you be there?" I softly asked.

"Yes, I get there about 9," he told me. I hesitated in handing back his change, my fingers touching his soft palm. I wanted to tell him so much but there would be plenty of time later. Angela, typing on her laptop in the corner, coughed, but didn't look up. He turned away abruptly, looking worried. Yes, I was right to stay away until the class tangle was resolved. He shouldn't have that look on his face.

I sighed and busied myself with making his coffee with Espresso and bagel. He had been coming in for weeks, usually on weekdays when we were busy with college students and I had a second person helping. Usually I was the one filling the orders and Tyler was running the cash register, so I knew how Edward liked his coffee with espresso and his bagel toasted. I finished up, got it all ready, and turned back to find Edward watching me closely. I handed him the coffee and bagel.

"Until tomorrow," I said.

"I'll call you tonight," he promised. I turned away so I wouldn't have to see him walking away from me now, but after I heard the door open, I looked up to watch him head around the corner. I couldn't help watching Edward. Even after having him in my bed more than once, even after waking up with that god-like face on my pillow, looking at Edward took my breath away.

The rest of the afternoon dragged. It got a little busier after one when the frat party bingers woke up and began trickling in looking for carbs and caffeine, but they were a mellow crowd compared to the weekdays. Angela waved goodbye when she headed out.

I had never been so glad to see four roll around and my relief show up, but just as I was hanging up my apron, Rosalie walked in. I knew I was in for it when I saw her face. If she was angry at Edward, she must be just as mad at me. He at least had an excuse: he didn't start this craziness. I did.

"Outside," Rosalie demanded and I followed meekly, pulling on my hoodie on the way out the door. We started walking towards my apartment.

Rosalie didn't speak for awhile, just stomped along with her eyes on the sidewalk.

I couldn't help it, I had to say something. "I'm sorry, Rose, it just happened. I couldn't help myself. I know it was stupid and we're trying to fix it."

"Yeah, Edward told me," Rosalie snorted. We continued in silence.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you who he was right away."

"I should have realized. I'm kicking myself for not putting it together sooner." Rosalie stopped in front of my building and turned to look at me.

"You know I think you're being incredibly stupid, Bella, and more than a little bit crazy, and I think Edward is being a horny idiot, but you're my friend and I love you. Whatever is going on, just … just please tell me you won't fuck things up for both of you?"

I nodded. "I promise. We'll fix this tomorrow."

"Good. Now run along and stay out of trouble, got it?" She gave me a quick hug and we parted then. That wasn't as bad as I had dreaded. I figured she was taking it easy on me considering my history.

I let myself in and settled in for the evening. I tried to finish my homework for Comp Lit, and another paper for the Folklore and Feminism seminar, but really I was watching my cell phone sit innocently quiet on my desk. My eyes kept drifting to the daffodil in its vase. Every time I looked at it I felt a goofy smile creeping over my face. I managed to finish my reading for Comp Lit and get an outline written for the Folklore class before I gave up and ate a little dinner. I thought about calling Alice and seeing if she had gone out with Jasper, but I figured she knew about me and Edward, and I didn't want another rant. I settled for reading a trashy paperback.

The phone rang at 8 but it was only Charlie, calling to see how my week had been. I felt guilty I hadn't called my father last week. I told him everything was great and I wasn't doing meth and I didn't know anyone doing meth and I wasn't going out in bad neighborhoods at night and so on. He said he was just checking. With me on the other side of the Sound he tended to worry. Being chief of police in a small town affected his ideas of what kind of trouble I could get into. I asked if he was eating alright and he coughed and muttered something about the diner and takeout, so I knew everything was normal. I told him I'd be coming down for a few days over spring break, just two weeks away. He was relieved. Even as close as Forks is to Seattle, I didn't get home very often. There was the beep of another call coming in and, seeing on the display that it was Edward, I told Charlie I'd call him later in the week. He grumbled something about a boyfriend and I assured him it was Rosalie.

I switched calls.

"Edward?" I breathed into the phone.

"Bella." His velvety voice was soothing. I could hear him sigh

"It's silly, but I miss you," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"It's not silly, I miss you, too," he said softly. "I wanted to let you know I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken you out last night, and I shouldn't have stayed at your place. It's wrong for us to be running these risks…"

"Edward, I'm the one who should be saying sorry. I am sorry. I've been so very thoughtless. I don't want you to get in trouble over us."

"Don't worry about me, Bella. I'm a big boy. I just can't make myself stay away from you." Hearing that made my heart feel light, as if it would take off.

"I don't want to stay away from you either, but we should wait…"

"You're right," he sighed.

"Rosalie had a talk with me," I said.

"What did she say?" He sounded tense.

"She said we needed to make this right or break it off. She reminded me of the consequences."

"No problem. It's not an issue, Bella. We'll make it right."

"I don't want you in trouble over me, Edward."

"Don't worry about me. So, you're at home? Is anyone there with you?" It was a blatant but effective change of subject.

"Of course no one is here, just me and the phone and the daffodil. What about you?"

"I'm at home. Emmett is off at the gym. He just left, so he'll be gone a couple of hours."

"If I didn't think Rosalie would kill us both, I would ask you to come over now."

"I know."

"Edward?"

"Bella?"

"I told you one of my fantasies last night. Why don't you tell me one of yours?"

"Alright. Ah, I've always thought the bio storage archive would be a great place to have sex. It's quiet, and dim, but the door is really noisy, so no one can sneak up on you."

"That's it? That's not very exciting."

"No? Do you want details?" Edward's low, velvety voice was amused.

"Well, of course, that's what makes fantasies good, right?"

"I suppose you're right. Well, I guess I never imagined the whole episode, just the possibilities of the padded shelves for bone storage in the last row. I think I would have someone helping me put away the skeletons from the bone density lab. We're all the way in the back and as she puts the skeleton in its cubby her ass brushes against me. It makes me so hard, to feel her ass against me." He paused, and he seemed to be moving around. "And I can smell you, your hair, your amazing scent, and I can smell your sweet pussy…"

"Me?"

"Who else would I be fantasizing about? Do you want to listen or are you going to critique my fantasy now?" His voice was still velvety low and seductive.

"Go on."

"I run my hands up your legs, and lift your skirt, the long blue hippie girl one. You're not wearing any panties." I suppressed a giggle. "I slide my hand between your legs and you are so wet. I pull out my cock and slide it in you, feeling how hot and wet and tight you are on me. I put my hands up your shirt and squeeze your breasts and you moan. I'm fucking you, pounding into you and you're saying my name." The phone pressed tight to my ear, I lie down on my bed and turn my face into the pillow where his head was less than 12 hours ago. I breathed in the shadow of his scent, the warm musky man smell. I was getting damp and horny. "You cum, shouting my name, your cunt clenching my cock tight, and I cum with you, shooting off inside your sweet little pussy." My free hand is rubbing my breasts through my shirt. I can picture the scene and _fuck_ how I want it.

There was a moment of silence, then he asked, "Bella, tell me another fantasy." His voice was becoming husky.

"Since the first day of class I have had a fantasy about you in the Bio lab." I felt my skin getting warm as I blush. Even over the phone I'm getting embarrassed.

"Tell me," he demanded in that velvet voice.

"Everyone else has left. I'm running late but you back me against the table and you lift my skirt. You pull off my panties and you touch me…"

"I like this fantasy."

"I'll bet." I paused and thought about what I wanted to say. "Edward."

"Mm?"

"I'm in my bed right now, and I can smell you on my pillow, and it makes me so wet."

"Does it, now?"

"Edward, take your clothes off."

"What?"

"Take your clothes off. I want you to … touch yourself." I can't bring myself to say it. Edward chuckled at my hesitation but I could hear the rustling of clothing…

"Say what you mean, Bella. Are you telling me to jerk off?"

"Yes, tell me what you like."

"I'd like you to be naked too, Bella." I sat up to strip off my clothes.

"Okay."

Edward was quiet for a moment and then he chuckled. "I'm getting a little lotion out, it's not as good as your juices, but it's better than nothing. Once I'm all slick, I slide my hand up and down my dick. I'm imagining it's your mouth on me, licking, sucking me, and pumping me with your hand, teasing the head of my cock." His breath is getting louder. My mouth is watering I want to taste him so badly. I bring my hand down to my clit and begin to rub it slowly.

"I want to cum on your tits, Bella. I want to see you with it all over you." His breathing became ragged, his voice nearly a growl. "Talk to me, Bella, what do you like?"

I slid my fingers down and thrust inside my pussy with two fingers. I pumped slowly, languorously. "I like it when you put your fingers inside me, when you fuck me with your fingers and do that little trick where you curl your fingers and I feel like you just ran an electric current through my cunt. I like when you lick my clit and look up at me with your beautiful green eyes. Fuck, Edward, anytime you look at me I want to climb all over you and suck you off. I love your fuck-me eyes."

Edward groaned, "I love hearing you talk dirty, Bella, you're so sweet and you look so wholesome, and then you say something like that, and you're going to make me cum just from talking to me."

I was moving more forcefully, arching my hips up to my hand. "Edward, I want you to cum. I love how you are so stiff and prissy in class and then you're like an animal when you fuck me. I can't get enough of you. I thought I could fuck you once, but I just want you again and again. I want your cock in my mouth, I want your hands on my tits, and I want you inside me again and again and again. I want you."

"I want you, Bella," Edward panted. "Cum for me, sweetheart, I want to hear you cum." And I came, hard, shuddering and crying. I could hear him through the phone, grunting and soft curses.

"Edward?" I whispered, my voice not back yet.

"Yes, Bella." His voice was still ragged and uneven, torn velvet.

"You give great phone." He chuckled low.

"So do you." I gulped a couple of times to catch my breath and laughed. "Oh, Edward, you are so amazing, you don't even have to be in the same building to get me all hot!"

After we recovered a little we just talked. Edward told me about his parents, a surgeon and an architect, and his undergraduate years in Chicago. He told me about his passion for piano and how he had considered pursuing it as a career at one point before he took Biology and fell in love with the intricate workings of living organisms. He even played a piece on the piano for me by setting his phone to speaker. When we finally said goodbye it was nearly midnight.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella. I've enjoyed our …date."

"Me, too. See you in the morning."

"I can't wait."

XXXXXXX

I got to Edward's office at 9:30, as quickly as I could after my early morning class. Jasper had been in class but I hadn't had a chance to talk to him and honestly I was too distracted and drowsy to do more than say hello.

I walked into Edward's open office but he wasn't there. The other guy in the office, James, was sitting at his own desk, bent over a sheaf of papers. He looked up and smiled pleasantly as I walked in.

"Can I help you?" he asked as he leaned back in his chair.

"Mr. Cullen said he had some paperwork for me? He said he'd be here?" This man made me nervous for some reason I couldn't place.

"Oh. He's in a meeting with Dr. Banner. Do you want to leave him a message?" He waved to Edward's tidy desk.

I pulled out a piece of paper and started to write a note but then James said my name and I froze.

"Bella? You're Bella, right?"

"Yes."

He stood up and stepped up behind me. "Edward talked about you." He moved closer, so close I could feel his breath ruffle my hair. "He's fucking you, isn't he Bambi-eyes?" he whispered in my ear. "Mr. I-don't-fuck-my-students has been a bit of a hypocrite, hasn't he?" He gently moved my hair back from my neck.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mmm. You know, you don't lie well. And I've already heard about you from Edward's own lips." His hand came up to touch the collar of my sweater, moving it back. I knew he was seeing the bite Edward had left on Saturday night. It had bloomed into a stunning mark with a bruise under it. He stroked the mark. I felt a shiver of fear run through me.

"He wouldn't …" I whispered.

"Sh-sh-sh. I overheard your little phone conversation, Bella, on Friday. And Edward and I shared a room. Edward talks in his sleep, you know."

I didn't know. I hadn't noticed. James' fingers continued to glide over my neck and shoulder, back and forth.

"Don't touch me," I said, but my voice was soundless with fear.

"Don't be like that, Bella. I'm sure you don't want anyone finding out about your and Edward's … extra credit assignments."

"What … assignments?"

"Don't be coy. I just want to warn you." James gripped my shoulder and turned me to face him. I looked up into his cold, dark eyes. "You and Edward are skating on very thin ice. I know what's going on, but I can overlook it, pretend I don't know what's going on … if…" He paused dramatically but I just gaped at him. I didn't want to confirm his accusation, but I knew my eyes were betraying me. I can't lie.

"…if you will play with me and Victoria. I like you." His eyes roamed down my body and I felt very vulnerable, even in my bulky sweater and jeans. "If you're going to play with Cullen, you're going to play with me, too. Or else Banner hears the whole story and both of you are fucked. Do you understand me?"

"I'm changing classes. Mr. Cullen isn't going to be my teacher," I said quickly.

James laughed. "Then I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, do you? But, just in case you don't …I'll be watching."

He walked to the door, but just as he was about to step into the hallway, Edward appeared, his eyes taking in the scene and flicking nervously between me and James. James nodded to Edward and gave me a tight little smile and left. Edward looked after him a moment, then crossed to me in two long strides. I was so relieved to see him, to be near him that it took a moment to see his tension. His hands were fists at his sides and his nostrils flared angrily. Finally he spoke, slowly, as if it were an effort to form the words.

"Miss Swan," he said through clenched teeth, "you won't be switching classes after all."


	14. Chapter 14 Coming Undone

**A/N Alright. I'm sorry for any disorientation which this may cause, but this is the first rewritten chapter of Don't Stand. The deleted chapters have been posted as an outtake here on fan fiction, and I have begun posting new chapters. There was a warning this morning, and the response I have had was very positive, so rather than wait until I return from vacation I am posting the first rewritten chapter now.**

**The reason for my doing this is that due to some paths I chose to take with the narrative the story changed quite drastically from my original intent. **

**I would rather delete and rewrite than become unenthused about the story and leave it unfinished. Hopefully you will agree that this is the best course of action.**

**I am rewriting from Chapter 14 on, and bringing the story back to how I had originally envisioned it. Most of the events in the story are the same, but there are some key differences you may notice if you have been reading all along. If you wish to compare what I originally posted to the rewritten chapters, you will find the deleted chapters posted as an outtake under my stories here on fan fiction.**

I realize this problem is due to my inexperience as a fiction writer. The fascinating thing about putting stories on ff is that writers are able to get feedback as we go, and you as readers are privy to the development of a story, sometimes from its embryonic stages. So far everyone who has reviewed, PMed or written on the forum thread on Twilighted has shown nothing but support for my decision.

**Thanks as always to MrsDazzled and IrritableGrizzzly, who beta for me and give me more support than I deserve. Check out IG's story Unforgiveable Act, please, it's fantastic.**

**XXX**

Coming Undone

EPOV

Walking to campus through the misty morning I could not keep the smile off my face. Although I hadn't slept much, the phone conversation with Bella last night had left me feeling euphoric. The more I knew about her the more I wanted to know. Every detail of Bella turned me on, her voice, her mind, her crazy sexiness under the shy and earthy exterior, not to mention she gave great phone. My grin widened.

I arrived at my office at 8:45 Monday morning and relaxed, looking over my tidy desk. Bella's add/drop form lay beside the neat stacks of graded labs and this weeks lab worksheet. I booted up my laptop and checked my email. A few emails from students with questions or excuses. Mr. Yorkie, in my lab class, telling me he would be absent due to the grief he was suffering over his hamster's death. One email from my mother reminding me of my impending birthday and the planned party. The only surprise was a message from Laurent, an old college friend from Chicago who I hadn't heard from in over a year. He was on a road trip up the coast from L.A. to Vancouver and would be stopping to visit Seattle next week, and was I available to hang out a bit?

James came in while I was in the middle of responding to Laurent's email. I hadn't spoken to James since the party in Phoenix, keeping as many people between him and myself as I could. As we nodded a curt greeting to each other, he smirked. I returned to my email and thought no more of him.

Dr. Banner walked into my office, knocking on the open door. "Hello, James, Edward. Edward, can I talk to you in my office?" I glanced over at James but he looked intentionally innocent. I sent the message to Laurent and logged off my email before following Banner down the hall.

He closed his office door behind us and waved me to a seat. I sat stiffly, my hands on my knees, feeling a guilty twist in my stomach. Had Bella and I been found out? Banner threw himself into his big chair and swiveled back and forth. He sighed and my heart sank.

"Edward, I've had some news and, well … I need your help."

"Wh-what-what do you need?" I stuttered out.

"I know Dr. Aro offered you a position on his research team. Have you decided if you'll go?" That was not what I had expected him to ask me about. I was confused.

"Um, I told him I'll go this summer, after the semester ends."

"That's good. Did you know he made Jane the same offer?"

"No." Jane hadn't said anything to me about it, though this did explain her talking about the Volterra research facilities on our flight back from Phoenix. She had been nearly cheerful.

"He did, and she decided to leave now, which leaves the department in a bit of a bind. I have to find someone to take over her lab class. Demetri, Victoria, and James are already teaching two labs each. I know you don't need the money, but I'd really appreciate it if you would teach the Friday lab."

"If I can't?"

"Then I will have to ask James or Victoria to do it, since Demetri is working on his thesis this semester. Is there a problem? I'd greatly appreciate if you could do this for me."

The thought of Bella with James as her teacher made me ill. I knew he would be an unfair teacher, I knew he would take advantage of her, especially once he realized I was dating her. Victoria might accept the class and accept Bella, but she would surely demand a favor, and after the wakeup humping in Phoenix I felt sure I knew what she would ask of me. Not to mention that Victoria was every bit as kinky as James. The twisted fucks. I'd never loathed James and Victoria so much as at the thought of the two of them near Bella.

I realized Banner was waiting for an answer. I jerked my head forward in what I hoped looked like a nod and said, "Yes, I'll do it."

Banner smiled and then began talking again but I couldn't follow. My head was swimming. I was flooded with relief that Bella and I weren't found out, and horror that my plans were so drastically fucked up. Bella didn't need to switch classes – it was moot now that I'd be her teacher either way.

I caught a little bit of Banner's monologue about wanting Victoria to go with him to Portland next week for a small presentation. I broke in to excuse myself, begging the need to finish preparing for today's class. That was crap. I had everything ready; I just need to catch Bella. I needed to get out of Banner's suddenly claustrophobic office.

I paced down the hallway, nearly running down James at our office door. He gave me a cool look then glanced back at Bella meaningfully. Bella's face was a mask of disgust. What the fuck was going on here? James brushed past me and headed down the hall, whistling a tune I couldn't identify. I studied Bella's face. As soon as James was gone she relaxed.

I stepped close to her, still in a whirl from the meeting with Banner. "Miss Swan, you won't be changing out of my class after all," I said tightly. Bella's face showed her confusion as her brown eyes studied me.

For a moment I couldn't speak. To say it out loud would make it real. "Jane is leaving to join the research team in Italy. Dr. Banner asked me to teach Jane's class."

"Can't someone else do it?"

"The only others Banner would consider are James and Victoria, James' other half. They… well, I'd rather you didn't take the class from either one of them. They'd fail you for spite, if they didn't try to fuck you first." Bella's cheeks paled at my blunt language. I wondered what James had said to her before I arrived but before I could ask she spoke.

"What do we do now?"

I sat down at my desk and pulled up the class schedule. I knew Bella's schedule by heart but I conscientiously turned my laptop to show her the list of classes. The only one she would be able to get into without missing classes or work was …

"James," she breathed, and shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea." I didn't think so either but she seemed to be nervous about it.

"Did he say something to you earlier?" I asked, my suspicions resurfacing.

"He knows," she whispered. "About us. He said he wants me to 'play.'"

I felt sick. I knew what he meant, the same thing he and Victoria had meant for me in Phoenix. Although I told myself Bella wasn't naïve or completely inexperienced, the thought of her in the clutches of those two made my stomach churn. Mine. I wouldn't share and certainly not with the likes of them.

"How?" I choked out.

"He said he overheard our phone call and that you talk in your sleep."

_Damn, Eddie, you even fuck in your sleep_. I must have said Bella's name. Crap.

"Don't let James get to you, he has no proof of anything," I told her, trying to be calm. "He's a chickenshit. He won't talk, because then he loses his hold over us. He'd rather keep us afraid so he can force us into playing along." I was trying to convince myself as well as allay Bella's fears. James was vindictive and I hadn't gone along with his game last week.

Bella nodded weakly and I touched the back of her hand very lightly. "Go on to your class, Miss Swan. I'll see you in lab."

Bella looked at me, long and sad and intense. I wanted so much to go to her, to crush her to me, to murmur into her hair that nothing mattered but her, that I would fix all this, but I didn't see any way out of it. I smiled with as much warmth as I could muster, but my heart felt like a block of ice, cold and heavy.

With a sigh, Bella turned and walked out of my office. After she had gone I let myself sag forward until my forehead rested on the desk. Only an hour ago everything seemed perfect and hopeful and now I felt trapped. I had no idea how to fix this.

If you can't make this right … you have to call it off. I contemplated Emmett and Rosalie's warnings, Bella's words last night. The thought of giving up Bella for a day was painful, but … for two more months? I didn't think I could stand seeing her in class and not touching her silken skin, not breathing her smell, not putting my lips on her lovely body … this was not helping.

She's not gone, I reminded myself. Look at the positives. She is still here, we just have to wait. I've waited nearly 25 years to find someone who affects me the way she does, I can wait two short months. We can be friends, we can be patient. Maybe this summer … I would cling to that possibility.

I managed to pull myself together enough to teach lab, the section on organic solutions and reagents, determining the type of organic material being tested. I wheeled the cart loaded with the beakers, test tubes, organics, and reagents into the lab classroom. Most of the class was already there, seated and ready to start. I forced my eyes away from the right side of the classroom, avoiding the sight of Bella as I started explaining the lab on auto-pilot. I had no idea what I was saying and was just relying on my knowing this material so well. From the corner of my eye I could see her cascade of brown hair, and focused on the people on the left side of the classroom. Once I had finished my explanation and answered a few normal questions, I had the students come up and take a kit back to each station. I took a few deep breaths, took roll, and then steeled myself to circulate and help out the students.

I started going up the left side of the classroom, so that I wouldn't have to start out with Bella and her lab partner, the breast-brushing Mr. Newton. Everyone was doing well, smearing cells from the sample materials onto the paper and putting drops of solution on them. Everyone was focused. Here and there I lent guidance, where to put the information on the worksheet, what color they might expect the potato cells to turn, and why it was different from the sugar solution.

When I reached Mr. Newton and Bella they were working quietly. Bella's long hair cascaded down her back and my fingers twitched with the urge to weave into it. I sped past them, hoping not to have to answer any questions, not to speak to Bella in front of others, in front of students who might read something into it… I didn't even look at her as I stalked past.

Miss Mallory, right in front of Bella, called out to me as I tried to slip back to my desk, and I saw Bella's head snap up at the same moment. I tried to focus on Miss Mallory's questions, instead of looking over the top of her head to Bella's narrowed eyes. I could see out of the periphery of my vision as Bella bit her lip and turned to put her head close to Mr. Newton to speak quietly in his ear. I turned my back towards Bella as I showed Miss Mallory the labels on the reagents, as she was getting mixed up. She smiled sweetly and thanked me when I asked if it was all clear.

I returned to the safe boundary of my desk and sank down, just willing the hour to pass more quickly. I tried to appear busy, shuffling papers and pretending to check things off on the roll book. I got up to hand back papers, placing each one carefully face down on the front of each lab table. Bella didn't look up. Back at the front desk, I fussed with reorganizing the few leftover labs.

Once, glancing around the room, I caught Bella's eyes on me, but she dropped her gaze quickly. Slowly, students began finishing and cleaning up, turning in the kits and the worksheets. At last only three students remained, dawdling, really. Bella, Miss Mallory, and Mr. Newton were taking their time. Bella was cleaning slowly, and just as she was putting the test tubes back in the wire rack, she knocked against it, the bottle of iodine popping open and spilling in every direction over the table. Miss Mallory, nearly finished cleaning up, leaped up and shrieked in surprise. Mr. Newton jumped out of the way as a rivulet came towards him. Bella ran to the sink and grabbed paper towels.

"I'm so sorry," she wailed. "I'm such a klutz!"

Belatedly, Mike moved to help, but Bella waved him off. "I've got it, Mike. Go on, I'll see you Wednesday."

Miss Mallory was already heading out the door, though she shot me a pleasant smile and sweetly said goodbye as she left. I noticed her too friendly attention with only half of my brain. Mr. Newton left, barely looking at me as he dropped his worksheet on the pile and walked out. I got some more paper towels and went to where Bella was mopping up the iodine. It was making a mess on the white linoleum floor and it looked like she was pushing it off the edge of the table on purpose.

"You're making it worse," I said.

"I know," she said, turning to me with a sudden smile. "How else was I going to get you alone, Mr. Cullen?"

I bent down and started cleaning the floor. It wasn't so much, now that Bella had stopped pushing it around. She watched me, kneeling at her feet, cleaning up the iodine.

"So you have me alone, Miss Swan," I said, not looking up.

"Do you have any other ideas, Mr. Cullen? I can't drop the class; I'm too close to graduation."

"I don't have any ideas, Miss Swan." I got the last of the spill off the floor. There was a discolored area but the janitor would be mopping tonight. I stood up and turned away to take the dirty towels to the trash and wash my hands. Bella followed behind me.

"Then, that's it?" she asked faintly. I stood at the sink, my hands resting on the rim, still not looking at Bella. It didn't matter, I could feel her standing beside me, and my body wanted to move towards her like iron to a magnet. I took a breath. _Be a man, Edward, take responsibility for your life. Don't fuck up everything you have worked for._

"That's it." She didn't say anything, and we stayed still, a tableau of frustration and wanting, as the seconds ticked by. "I'm sorry, Miss Swan, I don't want it to be this way."

"Me either," she said softly, "but it is the right thing to do."

"I know." I snuck a look at her. Bella was standing tensely with her head down, turned a little away from me. Her long silky hair was a curtain across her face. The dirty towels she had used were clenched in her fist. Gently, I took them from her and threw them away.

"Still friends, right?" I said.

"Right." Her voice was shaky, even the one word sounded like it was wrenched from her, and I realized she was fighting back tears.

"Hey, none of that, Miss Swan. It's okay. It will all be okay."

She nodded and it took all my control not to try to comfort her, not to draw her into an embrace. I let my self reach out to push her hair back from her face, careful not to touch her skin, and bent to look at her face. Her eyes were closed. I couldn't see her outside of class, I told myself, but perhaps … I thought of our conversation on the phone last night. Would it be enough just to talk to her, just to be her friend? Would it slake my need for her?

"I'll call you tonight," I whispered. She nodded again and turned away. Moving stiffly she picked up her book bag and walked out, leaving me in the lab alone.

James was in our office when I returned to our office from returning the cart to the lab closet. He smiled coyly at me as I walked in.

"Have a nice class?"

"Just fine," I said curtly. I sat in my chair and turned on my computer. "By the way, James, you should leave my students alone. Miss Swan was very upset about your insinuations."

He snorted. "I didn't insinuate anything, Edward, I thought I was pretty clear."

"If you have something to say, James, you can say it to me. Don't be bothering Miss Swan."

"Miss Swan. It wasn't Miss Swan last week, was it?" I just glared at him. "Fine. I know about the two of you. I just want a piece of that action, man, she's so … tasty." He licked his lips lasciviously.

"There is no action there to be had, James, and I know you have no proof of anything or you would already be sucking up to Banner with it. Leave her alone and stop sniffing around. There is nothing to find."

"Really, now? Then why were you calling her name in your little wet dream?" He smiled widely.

"What makes you think that Miss Swan is the Bella I was talking about?"

Now it was James' turn to glare. "And I heard you on the phone with her."

"Different Bella. I met a girl at _Lestat's Daughter_ a couple of weeks ago." I shrugged it off. I used my best poker face.

James' eyes narrowed. "You're full of crap, Cullen." I just shrugged at his comment as if I could not care less whether he believed me or not.

"I'm not doing Miss Swan, James. Leave her alone."

He snorted again and turned back to his desk but I knew he hadn't given up. His tenacity was James' one talent, in and out of the lab. I let my anger at James dilute my frustration and disappointment over Bella.

I would have to stay away from Bella, but I had no idea if I had the strength to do such a thing.


	15. Chapter 15 Scheherezade

**A/N -- These first few reposted chapters are not much different from the original posts. The subtle changes will have an impact later on.**

**Thank you all again for reading and reviewing, and remember that by deleting the old chapters I also deleted all the reviews that were written. It makes me sad to have lost all that input, but I'm sure that in the long run it will have been worthwhile. **

**Don't Stand has been nominated for an Indie Twi Fic Award in the category of Best Undiscovered Erotica, and nominated for a Razzle Dazzle Award as well. I am thrilled just to have been nominated, but go vote because winning would make me positively giddy.**

Scheherazade

BPOV

I left Edward's office and climbed the stairs to Banner's lecture hall to arrive in the class room early. I tramped up to the last row of seats and sat at a cramped little desk. Out of habit, I pulled out my pen and notebook and opened to a blank sheet of paper. Then I sat still, staring blankly. No one else was in the hall, yet there I sat, outwardly ready for class to begin.

Inwardly, I wasn't ready for anything. What had just happened? I couldn't wrap my mind around the twin revelations, that we'd been found out by Edward's creepy office mate and that we'd been thwarted in our attempt at a legitimate relationship. I briefly considered changing to James' class, despite Edward's concern, but the thought of James made me feel unclean. He made every better instinct in me cower, but could I do it for Edward?

No, even Edward didn't want me in James' class, and I couldn't imagine what game James might devise for me if I were in his power. If Edward couldn't come up with a solution, I was left with only one choice. As much as I didn't want to consider it, this really had to be the end. I decided to have faith in Edward to come up with a solution.

I didn't notice that students were starting to arrive until Mike sat down beside me.

"Hey, Bella. Bella? Earth to Bella…" I blinked and turned to look at him. I was sure my eyes must betray my tangled emotions. "Are you okay? You look like someone ran over your cat."

"I don't have a cat," I said flatly.

"I just meant… What's the matter? Is everything okay?"

Okay? Nothing was okay. I just wanted Mike to shut up and go away.

"Fine, everything is fine, Mike." I could tell he didn't believe me, but he let it go.

Banner came in and lectured, but it could have been on alien abductions for all I could really retain. I wrote down words here and there as they penetrated my consciousness.

_Carbohydrates_

I thought about Edward's beautiful large hands, his green eyes looking deeply into mine as he called me beautiful. I thought about sitting across the table from him, his concern and friendship as I told him about Jake.

_Nucleic Acids_

I thought about the curl of Edward's velvety soft lips. I thought about him standing at my front door, a shy and crooked smile on his face when he opened his jacket to reveal a single butter-yellow daffodil. He was so sweet and silly. How did he know I'd rather have a single daffodil than a dozen roses?

_Lipids_

And I thought about how I would be stuck, seeing him every week, wanting more of him. I considered dropping the lab altogether, but I needed the lab credits. If I dropped I'd just have to take it in the fall, and my fall schedule would already be a full course load if I wanted to graduate next semester. I would have to suck it up and get through this. Only two more months, and then…

Then, what? From what Jessica had said, Edward had never given any girl more than a week or two of his attention, and then he moved on. Would Edward still be interested in me in two months? A new wave of sadness washed over me. I didn't want this to be over so soon. I wanted him, wanted him more each time I saw him.

Before I realized, Banner was gathering up his notes and people were filing out. I flung my notebook with my pathetic notes into my bag and hurried out beside Mike. Again, as we went down the stairs, he asked if I was alright.

"I just had some bad news this morning," I told him, keeping my head down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently.

"Another time," I muttered. Thankfully he let it lie and we walked to lab in silence.

Edward wasn't there yet, for which I was grateful. It gave me a moment to compose myself, to put on a disinterested face. It didn't matter. When he came in I felt my heart lurch. I watched him, trying to inure myself to the sight of him. It wasn't helping. He explained the lab, gesturing with his graceful hands, his voice calm and his face smooth. Was it only a little over an hour ago that he'd been tensely quivering before me? Now it was if I didn't exist.

Obviously, Edward had reached the same conclusion I had.

He didn't even glance my way as he explained about organics and reagents used in determining type. I took in marginally more than I had of Banner's lecture. Hopefully Mike was paying attention. He owed me for walking him through most of the labs up to now. I certainly couldn't ask Edward for help, not without giving myself away in front of the whole class. I sent Mike up to get our kit and worksheets.

I let Mike explain to me what we were supposed to do and I set about putting the samples into the test tubes. As I carefully dropped Benedict's solution onto the first sample, I overheard Lauren talking to her lab partner, Grace.

"He's so hot."

"Have you noticed his butt in those khakis?" Grace whispered.

"And his… package. Mmm. I just want to lick him all over like a lollipop," Lauren giggled. I looked up and realized Grace and Lauren were watching Edward. I mentally snorted at their comments.

"I heard he's got a big dick," Grace leered. Mike looked up, finally catching the gist of the whispered conversation in front of us. He looked to Edward, then back to Grace and Lauren.

"Don't waste your time on Mr. Cullen," he said. "I heard he's gay." Concentrate on the color the sample is turning, I told myself. Focus. Lauren smiled cattily at Mike.

"Not likely. My roomie is friends with a girl in the library he dated last year. He's definitely straight."

"I'm not biting. Guys that pretty are always gay," Mike grumbled.

"I can get in his pants," Lauren whispered.

"Fifty bucks says he turns you down," Mike whispered back.

"You're on." Lauren turned back to her lab just as I sensed Edward moving up the aisle behind us. I half hoped that he would say something to me. I had moved on to sample B, which was apparently a protein sample, as it was responding to the Biuret reagent. Instead of stopping Edward swept past my table like he was making a break for his desk.

Before Edward could get more than two steps past her, Lauren was calling him back in her sweetest dumb-blonde girlie voice. I didn't want to watch, but I looked up to see Lauren leaning into Edward, obviously trying to show off her cleavage. Edward's brow was furrowed as she asked her question, as if she was asking him for the secrets of life rather than a simple thing like which bottles held which mysterious liquids. His eyes were focused on her, and I knew the power of that intense green gaze. I was surprised Lauren didn't just stuff her panties in his pocket, with Edward's eyes on her like that.

I leaned my close to Mike to whisper, "Watch Lauren crash and burn. Mr. Cullen doesn't notice a thing." Mike kept his head low but I could see his smile. Even if we had different reasons, we both wanted to see Lauren fail with Edward. When I looked back, Edward had his back to me and Lauren. He was trying to explain the obvious.

"This one is Benedict's solution, see the label? Iodine, Biuret, and the petri dishes contain Sudan." While he talked in his low patient teacher voice, Lauren was paying more attention to the fit of his tan teacher pants than his words.

"Does that answer your question?" Edward asked, turning just enough to see her. I could see her touch her throat and tilt her head to show more neck.

"Oh, yes, thank you so much, Mr. Cullen." Her voice dripped with honey and innuendo. I managed not to vomit, or snatch her bald, which was a close second in urges. I wanted to scream at her, _back off, bitch, that meat is mine!_

Edward didn't seem to notice her flirtation and returned to his desk. Mike chuckled again.

"Gay," he muttered. Lauren glared over her shoulder at Mike, and then returned to work on the lab assignment.

The only other time Edward got up from his desk the whole class period was to pass back last weeks assignment. I turned mine over after he had left it, expecting some kind of a message. _See me after class_, or _I have an idea_, or even _the Canadians are invading and class is cancelled_, anything. Nothing except a small **A** in red pen. Not even the usual "good work." Nothing. It looked like I would have to make the effort to talk to him.

I worked on my lab, putting organics into test tubes and dropping reagents on them and reporting what I thought the organics were based on what color they turned with which reagents. Though I tried to keep my eyes and mind on the lab, I kept finding myself watching Edward, his tousled reddish hair and beautiful face. A few times he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, and I wanted to touch him, comfort him. Then he looked up and caught me looking at him. His eyes were nearly angry, and I looked away quickly.

I dawdled, taking longer to complete a lab than ever before. Mike could have been in on my plan he was doing such a good job distracting me by trying to make small talk. As noon approached and he was still lingering I realized he wasn't planning to leave until I did. Lauren too was taking forever, fiddling with her bag even though she had already finished cleaning up. I completed my lab and began cleaning up, making sure to knock over the reagents after carefully loosening the dropper on the iodine. Iodine spilled across the table and dripped onto the floor like old blood.

Lauren shrieked and leaped out of the way, Mike jumped back, and I was making excuses and swiping iodine every which way. It was ridiculously easy to convince Mike and Lauren to leave.

I bent down to smear iodine on the floor. I hadn't realized there could be so much mess in such a little dropper bottle. Edward was there, and I could hear the smile in his voice without looking up.

"You're making it worse," he said.

"I know," I said, standing and looking up at him. I couldn't help but smile and I felt like a load was lifted from my shoulders. Edward would surely have a solution, he could figure out how to make this work for us. "How else was I going to get you alone, Mr. Cullen?" Edward dropped to his knees and began cleaning the iodine off the floor. He didn't look up as he tried to clean up my mess. I didn't say anything. He wasn't acting pleased by my plan.

"So you have me alone, Miss Swan," he said, his head still bent down. The calm, detached instructor voice had returned. There was no sign of my lover.

"Do you have any other ideas, Mr. Cullen? I can't drop the class; I'm too close to graduation." My abrupt confidence in his plan was disappearing with his coolness and my doubt was returning.

"I don't have any ideas, Miss Swan." He stood up and went to the sink, still not making eye contact. My heart felt like lead. I knew what he was saying, and part of me was screaming that it couldn't be. I followed him to the sink, where he was washing the iodine from his hands.

"Then, that's it?" I said.

He put his hands on the rim of the sink and his head dropped down. He still hadn't looked at me.

"That's it."

What could I say? I knew we couldn't play this game, I knew with every bit of logic I possessed we were playing with fire, but I didn't want to care. What I wanted was to slide my hands around him and press myself against his back. I should walk away now, but I couldn't make myself move. I was rooted to the spot.

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan, I didn't want it to be this way."

"Me either, but it is the right thing to do," I heard my own voice say. I dropped my head to hide the tears I felt pushing up from behind my eyes.

"I know," he sighed. His hand was touching mine, but only to take the crumpled paper towels from me. _I am not going to cry_, I told myself.

"Still friends, right?" he said, hopefully. The worst thing a girl can hear from a guy.

"Right." My voice was quivering, and I knew he could hear the tears I was trying to hold back.

"Hey, none of that, Miss Swan. It's okay. It will all be okay." I nodded numbly, aware he was trying to comfort me. "I'll call you tonight," he whispered, so softly I nearly missed it. I nodded again, I couldn't trust my voice. I wanted him to call, wanted it so badly, but at the same time I wondered why he would even bother. With our last phone call, we had been rather friendlier than friends. I spun away, grabbed my bag and left.

I fled the Life Sciences building as fast as I could without actually running, my breath coming in gasps. I couldn't face Alice and Rosalie like this. They would know something was wrong. I ducked into a little garden between buildings before I reached the Union, where they would be waiting for me. I let myself shake for a few minutes, dry tearless sobs.

_What is wrong with me_, I thought, as the spasms passed and I began to calm. I didn't cry this hard for Jake, I had never gotten this wound up over anyone. I pulled out my phone and texted Rosalie,

_- Don't wait for me, I'm running behind. Be there soon_

A moment later I got a text back,

_- Ok, CU._

I looked around, looking to see if anyone noticed my little breakdown, but I was out of sight of anyone on the nearby sidewalk. I rubbed my face and headed to the Union. Alice and Rosalie had already gotten something to eat and were sitting with Jasper when I arrived. All I bought was a bottle of juice. My stomach wasn't feeling up to anything more substantial.

Alice greeted me cheerily, and Rosalie looked exasperated, but smiled and said hello. Jasper looked me over, muttered something to Alice about studying and grabbed his backpack. As he passed me he gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. It was as if he sensed I needed my girlfriends and was making himself scarce. Alice watched him leave with an odd expression and then looked back to me.

"Aren't you hungry?" Alice asked, eyeing my juice.

"Not really."

"You have a rough class with Mr. Hottie today?" She smirked. Rosalie scowled.

"Yeah," I muttered.

"I thought you were transferring out of his class," Rosalie said.

"So did I," I said.

"Why would you want to transfer out of Mr. Hottie's class, Bella?" Alice asked.

"Too distracting," I said. I was trying to keep my answers short, hoping not to go into painful detail. "I thought I'd be better off in another class, and he was helping me transfer, but then that teacher left and he'd be teaching that class too, so it's moot, isn't it? I'll just have to concentrate…" I drifted off. Alice was looking at me like I had a big L stamped on my forehead, and Rosalie looked even more annoyed. "What?"

"You want to transfer out of a class with Mr. Eye Candy? Are you feeling well?"

"If it keeps her from failing, Alice, she should take Quasimodo's class," Rosalie said tartly, but shot me a warning look. I opened my juice and took a gulp.

"It's just that Bella has been mooning over her Biology teacher since the first day of class, and now she's going to drop?" Without waiting for a response, Alice continued on. "You know what should take your mind off the pretty Biology teacher? I think you need to spend more time with your new beau, the one from the club. Edward, right? When I met him last week, I felt it in my bones; he's the man for you, Bella. You're going to marry him. I know it." She looked back and forth between Rosalie's and my frozen faces. "Well, I didn't expect a hallelujah chorus, but you could show some enthusiasm. I thought you liked Edward."

"She does," Rosalie said through clenched teeth.

"Did you run him off with the Jake-ass story?" Alice asked me.

"I told him all about it, and he didn't run off."

"That's good. What's the problem? Secretly married? Secretly gay? Secretly an 'animal lover?'" Alice was beginning to look frantic.

Rosalie snorted. "The problem is he's secretly a very hot Biology Lab instructor." Alice, usually a perpetual motion human, froze with her mouth and eyes perfectly round.

"Oh!" Alice squeaked. She looked at me and whispered, "Oh, Bella, you seduced Mr. Hottie-Biology-Instructor!" She giggled and began dancing in her seat. "You are such a nasty girl! Was he as hot in bed as book-bitch Jessica said he was?"

I looked down at the bottle of juice between my hands and blushed hotly all the way to the roots of my hair. Alice squealed.

"Alice!" Rosalie reprimanded. "Stop acting like this is all rainbows and unicorns! This could get both of them in serious trouble."

"Oh, of course. I didn't think of that." Alice deflated, but she perked up again in an instant. "What, are you two still doing the bunny bop? I thought it was a one night thing…"

"That's why I was trying to change classes," I explained.

"Well," Alice chirped, "you only have two more months until the end of the semester, right? You can keep your panties on that long, can't you, Bells?"

"Apparently not," Rosalie said acidly. Then she sighed. "Bella, I owe you for saving my ass more than a few times, and you know I love you. You know what I think, but no matter what, I'm behind you." Alice nodded in agreement, her eyes locked on mine. I didn't deserve such good friends.

"So what is your plan now?" Rosalie asked. I didn't know what to tell her. Considering her question, I let my eyes drift across the cafeteria. Like iron to a magnet my gaze zeroed in on a mop of messy auburn hair. Edward was sitting near a window across the huge room, a sandwich in front of him, but his eyes were fixed on me. I didn't look away and neither did he.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" Alice said softly. She might as well have yelled. I jumped and looked at her in surprise. She and Rosalie were staring at me with strange looks on their faces.

"No! I'm not in love with him…" I drifted off, letting my gaze go back to Edward. He was looking down at his food, but not eating. Just staring.

I hadn't thought about_ love_, hadn't let myself put a name to my feelings, because love was a trap, the velvet cage that Jake had held me in. I didn't want to be in love. I was finally free and I feared being caged again. That was why I had sabotaged my few dates the past six months, why I had played up Jake's jealous side, to keep those guys at a safe emotional distance. Edward had been a safe crush, off limits as he was. But we weren't safe any more, we had gotten too close, and I couldn't undo the past ten days. I didn't want to undo them, even with the drama and the distance, all of it was heaven. Still, I thought, I didn't want Edward's_ love_.

If I didn't want his love, what did I want? I wanted Edward's body, certainly; I wanted his smile, his touch, his friendship. I thought about the feelings twisting my gut when Lauren had been flirting with_ my_ Edward, about how my heart felt light as a feather when he looked at me a moment ago.

"Crap," I muttered. Rosalie and Alice just glanced at each other, as if they had heard everything running though my head. As poorly as I lie, they probably could read it all in my face. Almost as if he could hear me thinking of him, Edward looked up at me and I felt myself blushing hotly. He no longer looked calm and cold; he looked agonized, expectant, and hopeful. I grabbed my bag and left the table without another word to my friends. Alice called after me but I ignored her. I needed to be alone.

Why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn't I just leave him alone? I didn't want to be in love with Edward, for fucks sake, I just wanted… I just wanted …

I had no answers.

XXXX

My phone rang and I answered without hesitation.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella," he breathed into the phone. He sounded husky.

"You shouldn't call me, Edward."

Silence dragged out. I could hear his breathing.

"Edward? Did you hear me? We shouldn't talk again outside of class."

"Is that what you really want, Bella?"

I bit my lip and sighed. I had to be honest.

"No."

"I know we shouldn't meet, but I can't …" he blew out a breath. "I can't. I want to pretend I am there, touching you. Can you just … talk to me?"

"Edward…"

"Bella, I don't care about anything else right now. I've done what I can for self-preservation, but I just want to hear your voice. Please, Bella, just talk to me."

So like Scheherazade, I spun out the story of my life to entertain my lover.

**Scheherezade is the name of the woman to whom the _1001 Arabian Nights_ is attributed. Wiki it.**


End file.
